If you lose weight do you want people to comment on your weight loss?

Until that's a very good point, I don't want comments from naturally slim people as that sounds so condescending sometimes.... but if someone struggles with their weight and has an honest conversation with me that seems different.

Someone once bluntly asked me if I was terminally ill after I'd lost a lot of weight.

Another 'acquaintance' said something like 'oh you do look lovely', then obviously realised how rude that sounded and blustered about saying 'of course you've always looked lovely'.

It partly depends on who is speaking, but some people seem to be congratulating you on joining the socially acceptable crowd.

It completely depends on the person commenting. If in doubt don't, or do so in a way that doesn't require much response.

I lost 7 stone and didn't want comments at first but liked some people's comments once Id lost a really hard to miss amount.

I would hate "have you lost weight?" - that sounds like the sort of thing people say as a fake compliment.

I don't mind people who are also very overweight asking for advice though - the biggest compliment is that three colleagues who asked how I did it asked, did the same and in one case has now lost even more than I have! A couple of others started but gave up which is fair enough.

Actually I think I don't really appreciate comments from people who've always been slim even now I'm slim. Its hard not to sound patronising if it's not something you've ever needed to do.

Have a SIL whom I see rarely, but whenever I do, comments that I've put on a lot for weight (she takes about a dress size 30, or did the last time I was aware, think she is larger since then).

Other than that, no one comments on my weight - last time that I lost a lot (about 3 stone), people did, but mostly close friends that knew I'd been trying REALLY hard to lose weight.

Wouldn't expect/like comments from colleagues unless it was someone I was reasonably close friend with beyond work and they knew I'd but a lot of effort in.

It's complicated, I like people I'm close to to comment but I hate it when people I don't know we'll do, and it does seem to be all people can say to me, like all other conversation has disappeared.

From a school mum I didn't know very well: "Wow, you've lost a STACK of weight!". She may as well have said "My God, you were obese before!". It did not make me feel good, and the previous weight gain was due to medication I was on which I didn't want to discuss as it was none of her business.

Another time someone said approvingly how thin I was, but the weight loss was because I was going through a very difficult time with a child's health diagnosis.

Oh yes, I just remembered another - I had just had the flu and someone said how my jeans were hanging off me! Also did not make me feel good!

YANBU

No, I hate people commenting on my weight ... it is just so personal and as if they are judging me on my appearance rather than the person I am. My weight fluctuates a lot, I can lose weight very easily if I put my mind to it and of course I know it is so much better for my health and general well being etc etc but sometimes I just can't be bothered to eat sensibly and I put the weight back on. But it is nothing to do with anyone else and I hate it if people comment. If I hear the phrase 'you're looking great, have you lost weight?' I hear 'because you were fat before'. Why comment?

I usually tell people they look well.
But some I know have lost a lot of weight and I will congratulate them. Not everyone feels you are saying they looked shit before or weren't attractive. I am recognising their achievement and would be happy for others to do the same.

PS but no pressure to pass any sort of personal comments at all, that's entirely up to you! So YANBU.

You are telling them they are a better person for being slimmer. Which is going to contribute anxiety if they ever put any weight back on, and also tell other bigger people who hear you that that they are worth less

Since when has body weight been equated with moral value? Sometimes I read MN and I feel like Alice in Wonderland.

As someone who lost a lot of weight, I disliked people commenting directly on it. I didn't mind compliments, but prefer vague ones 'you look good' etc.

I felt kinda embarrassed at the idea that everyone knew I was actively trying to lose weight.

I've lost almost 6 stone, and I wish people could find something else to talk about.

It's like when you are 38 weeks pregnant and all anyone ever says for the next month is
'not long now/how long have you got to go/is that a football team/don't have it here.....'

I am not more virtuous, harder working, cleverer etc than I was 6 stone ago.

What you can say:
You look lovely!
That's a gorgeous skirt!
I love your shoes etc.

They work regardless of the weight loss/gain!

She may well be relying on nice comments to keep her motivated.

Yes I lived it made me feel good I once lost 5 stone and it gave me a boost.

What I hated though is when people say oh ahve you lost a but if weight? When you haven't so really make sure the person you compliment has definitely lost some and also try and know if they were trying hard to... It could have been from stress or an illness.

It really upset me when people kept commenting on weight loss to me, when it was because of serious health stuff. So now I never do (but had never thought of it from that angle before it happened to me so I know that people aren't meaning to be upsetting)

…. BTW if someone has told you they are loosing weight, that’s different. It’s polite to acknowledge that.

Unless it's a huge amount, I don't notice weight loss and can't imagine commenting on it. I have a friend whose weight (she tells me) fluctuates quite a bit. Some time ago, a mutual friend came over to us (in a large group of people) and greeted her with "Hi X, how are you? You've put on a fair bit again, haven't you?" I was astonished at his rudeness and asked her afterwards if she was ok. She shrugged and said she likes people noticing when she's lost weight, so has to accept comments when the reverse is true.

This made me even more sure that commenting on weight is not appropriate. Saying that someone looks nice, happy, etc is fine.

Some do and some don't. I don't mind either way.

'oh you're looking amazing ' translates to me as 'you looked a pile of shite before but we didn't say anything.'

This is a typical mumsnet comment. Paying someone a compliment is such a minefield on mumsnet because far too many posters overthink it and are way too easily offended.

Surely, we all have days when we feel better about the way we look, and in general most people like to be complimented on it. So, why do some people think a compliment has to be a back handed "you looked shit before"?

Are these people with self esteem issues?

No. I think if it became a habit NOT to comment on people’s bodies that would be a good thing.

Couple of days back the actor Nicola Couglan (Bridgerton, Derry Girls) asked politely on Twitter for people to stop sharing thoughts on her body (she would conventionally be described as overweight), as it was hard for her to manage. It is.

I think it's better to open with a more general comment, such as 'you look great!' If your friend then mentions intentional weightloss you can go on to say something more specific.

I am 5 stones and 2 lbs down since mid September. I recently met up with a close friend that I hadn't seen since then and she made no mention of it, we had been talking non stop for a few hours and it wasn't till I got home that I realised she hadn't said anything.
She has seen me go up and down by a couple of stones multiple times and I wonder if over the 30 years she has known me, if she literally just sees me as a person rather than me as a body.
Likewise, I work in a school and had the same class last year, none of those children or their parents have said anything, again-maybe because they see me every day, they have just absorbed the losses.
Don't get me wrong, I have had people notice and say positive things!

I think commenting on weight loss is a bad move.

A) Because you don't necessarily know how they are losing the weight. If it's disordered eating then you are just encouraging self harm. If it's illness then you are dismissing their health.

B) You are telling them they are a better person for being slimmer. Which is going to contribute anxiety if they ever put any weight back on, and also tell other bigger people who hear you that that they are worth less.

I've been a consistently healthy weight most of my life but a few years ago I had an awful flare up (ulcerative colitis) that I was struggling to manage. I clearly looked unwell and underweight. But that was when I received my first and only compliment about my weight. They asked what my secret was. I was feeling pretty grumpy that day and upset about being unwell for so long that I ended up mumbling something along the lines of 'well that's what happens when you have the shits and bleed out of your arse for six months straight'. She wasn't too know, but her intended compliment made me feel even worse than I already did

I’ve lost over half my body weight since 2020. Had lots of all of the above comments, and also some people who didn’t like to mention it.

I didn’t mind any of them really. What I did object to were the people (and there were a surprising number of them) who asked how I did it, I replied “a meal replacement plan”, and they’d mostly reply “eeeew yuck I couldn’t do that”, “that can’t be healthy” (yeah cos being bmi 40 is so good for you) or “I don’t like milkshake” (as if there were no other options/variety available on a modern meal replacement plan ).

Don’t comment people. Saying you look great is innocuous and acknowledges the change. Slagging off how it was achieved is rude.