Partner unhappy with botox & more

Would she take issue with you using whitening toothpaste?

Would she cry if you went for a dramatically different hair style?

What about the chemicals in hair colour - are you "allowed" to get highlights done?

What about tattoos? Or are they on the forbidden list?

Whether or not you think Botox is a good idea or not (I don't) the decision here is yours and yours alone, because it's your body. What does she seriously expect you to do - ask her permission? Where does it stop? The clothes you wear? The medicines you take? The hobbies you enjoy? Your friend choices?

just get it done and don't tell her. i have had botox since my 30th and teeth recently done. wish I'd done them earlier.
there's a huge difference between botox and overdone fillers and also invisalign compared to horse teeth veneers. you'll look a fresher version of yourself. that's all.

She cried a lot and said she’s only attracted to people who aren’t self conscious about their looks.

She's already attracted to you. Is she now going to stop because she's decided you're "insecure about your looks".

This sort of thing might stop an initial attraction but for an established relationship, the above is just really immature.

I think getting botox is a bit vain/shallow, however I’d much prefer a partner that was a bit vain than one so completely pathetic as to cry at the thought of me getting Botox.

Its fine for her to have an opinion but its not actually up to her. Why the hell was she crying?

My partner doesnt like the idea of botox so i just dont tell them. Same for most people i knpw that get it done.

It's good that she loves you as you are, but she needs to understand that it your choice to have relatively minor 'tweaks' done.
What if you wanted to cut off your hair, or wear a bright lipstick, would she object to that? How would you feel if she told you what to wear?
I think you need to have a calm conversation and talk it through. She might be feeling insecure and that you want to 'improve yourself to get a better partner' or words to that effect.

And i say all that from a place of never having had botox, or wanting to

The enhancements all look a tad fake, you can tell.
I wouldn't date a woman with botox, super white teeth, fake lashes, tattoos, or breast enhancements.
Not my bag, au natural only.

However, if you feel you need to, do it.

Does she cry when you get your hair cut?
Does she cry when you get your hair coloured?
Does she cry when you get new clothes?
Does she cry when you get new make up?

Your face, your choice. Nobody knows when I've had botox, its a non issue.

God there’s OP and few more on here that sound like they have very controlling and manipulative parters/family members!
It’s a bit of Botox and teeth whitening, hardly bride of wildenstein territory 🤨

I had my first ever Botox last month in my forehead to ease out a horizontal line that had started to crease between my eyebrows and I absolutely love it! Wish I’d have done it a year ago when this line started bugging me. My forehead is covered by a fringe, so it’s really just me feeling the effects and I couldn’t be happier and will continue. Just had my moulds done at dentist today for teeth whitening and I can’t wait-after a personally rough two years I’m investing in myself and my looks and I’m feeling really great from it.

Don’t let people interfere too much in your life if you can afford it and aren’t going mental with cosmetic treatments, it’s really controlling

I guess she feels disappointed basically, as you’re not who she thought you were. She thought you were both people who would never consider messing with their faces. No, she certainly doesn’t get to tell you what to do, but she’s not unreasonable to be upset if it’s something she feels is a dealbreaker.

I hope the people who say it's bowing to societal pressure read comments like this.

Well it is bowing to societal pressure, and some women with lip fillers look alright, and some look dreadful. Can’t tell which camp this poster falls into.

Generally - insecurity assuaged about thin lips seems to override concern about looking like a weird fish.

There's a political stance to be taken on Botox and fillers. And it can be linked to the values people hold. I can accept that they make individuals feel happier about things they may always have been conscious of. But you can't divorce this from the messages that we all as a society send about what matters in a person and how a woman 'should' look.

Yes, it's my body and my choice, but we can't pretend those choices aren't influenced by society and that our choices don't have an impact back on society.

So I don't think it's as simple as your partner is controlling.

I just wanted to know what your opinion is in people who have Botox? That they're self obsessed/ vain?

Yes vanity. Could that be what she objects to?
I agree tears and histrionics are ott and that would put me off her.

She cried a lot and said she’s only attracted to people who aren’t self conscious about their looks.

You should cry a lot and say you’re only attracted to people who aren’t controlling and then get rid of her because she sounds manipulative as fuck.

To all those who think the partner is being manipulative, surely there are some body modifications your partner might make which you would find upsetting. Surely there are some which might make you decide to leave?

That's not stopping people from choosing to modify their bodies. It trivialises genuine manipulative behaviour to cry 'manipulation' whenever somebody decides they can't go along with your choices.

The problem for me with all of this is that women with Botox and/or fillers generally: a. Believe no-one has noticed (they have they just don’t mention it), b. Feel more confident in themselves because of it while actually looking worse.

It’s like a weird cult: everyone convinces themselves no-one knows, that they look better and feel more confident as a result etc.

It’s true that if people start in their 30s it’s not so noticeable - but by their 50s it’s obvious, they start to need more, and that’s when it starts to look really offputting.

She has no right to tell you what to do with your body but she has a right to say she's not attracted to fake features.

I don’t deny that your partners reaction seems OTT, possibly manipulative (I would guess not deliberately).

But in her position I would feel the same.

You and I would have completely opposing views on the importance of a woman’s looks, the aging process, instant gratification, the dangers of unnecessary medical treatments etc etc.

You’ve basically told her after 15 years that you’re not compatible anymore IMO

I wouldn't want to be with someone who reacted in that way over a bit of botox and teeth whitening.

Is she worried that you are going to be more attractive to others and may be a jealousy thing?

I think PP has hit the nail on the head with this!

Hey lovely, we really are in the same boat. I guess there is a huge stigma around that sort of 'botched' look. I just want it for my forehead.. there might be very very little difference but I'll notice - if that makes sense? It's such a hard one. I cannot get my head around it

You are absolutely right here, I get botox and pretty much no on else notices, but I notice and it makes me feel more confident.

My husband isn't keen on me having it but my face, my decision.