Partner unhappy with botox & more

This isn't about her not wanting you to use chemicals... this is about your partner being scared of your confidence and improving your looks. Your body, face and teeth - do what you want with your money!

That’s really manipulative and controlling OP. I’d be really unimpressed with them. Especially as such procedures can be really subtle, enough to make you feel a bit better about yourself but not so much it’s really changing your appearance. Massive red flag that they would react so strongly

To get the best benefits you're actually meant to start Botox young, it also prevents the frozen look.

Done by a plastic surgeon, no one should be able to tell as such. You should just look "fresh"

The whole "chemicals are bad" thing is bullshit tbh. Literally EVERYTHING is a chemical. EVERYTHING.

No one has the right to lay this kind of guilt trip.

Saying "I'd find it deeply unattractive and against my personal belief, I'd have to consider the future of our relationship" is honest and okay.

Crying, wailing and laying that level of guilt on you, for considering doing something to YOURSELF with YOUR OWN money is where the manipulation comes in.

She actually cried over this? Talk about manipulative. Red flags all over the place.

I don't think the crying etc is trying to be emotionally manipulative- I think your partner is probably genuinely distressed that you might get Botox which means they'll be forced to make a decision as to whether to leave the relationship.
You can do whatever you want with your face, your choice but I absolutely understand your partners reaction.
So many people I know are now having fillers, Botox etc in their 20s and 30s and it is a real turn off IMO.

Her reaction is very weird and OTT. Also I can understand being against Botox on principle but who tf can be against Invisalign?

So many people now look a bit weird, with filled lips and pumped up apple cheeks and eyebrows that are a bit Spock like. Maybe your partner is scared that you’re on the path to a generic look that loses ‘you’?

She can't decide what you do, but it's her right to leave the relationship if she doesn't like it.

Perhaps she feels insecure about the relationship and that if you have these things done you will look outside it. just reassure her and have it done.

This is really rather controlling behaviour. Crying about you possibly wanting this in the future? Crying that it’s chemicals and she’s against it? So does that mean also no face creams or serums? If your hair goes grey, you can’t colour (or even gone) it? What happens if you lose a tooth - no implant? I think you may want to consider how you feel about this level of control over your own body.

She is trying to control you. Massive red flag.

1.5 years you say, yeah I'd be leaving this relationship.

She has absolutely no right to dictate what you do with your body.

But anyone getting botox or fillers does change my opinion of them, so I understand her feeling like it changes things for her. She's not obliged to stay in the relationship.

I would worry that if you acquiesce to this the controlling may increase. Until it gets to the point where she's 'only attracted to people who do as I say'

I find this really complex, because I’d love to have a tiny bit of Botox but my partner is incredibly against it. He thinks it’s dangerous and that it won’t be good for my self esteem, and that it’s not a good use of our joint money (about to get married). My mum is also very against it and has said if she finds out I’ve “messed around with my face” then she won’t give me a penny more of her money (I get a fair bit from her ad hoc for things like our wedding/house/car and will have a sizeable inheritance as an only child). I think their reactions are very strange and extreme, but it does put me off as I know it would cause massive drama.

My body, my choice, but I suppose I’d rather keep the status quo around me at the moment. I do always wonder if they’d even notice though! But I’d feel very guilty keeping the secret.

So no advice, just you’re not the only one with a partner who reacts extremely to this scenario.

I wouldn't be very impressed if DH wanted to get botox, but it would be his decision.
I suppose I know that he is not the type of person to "waste" money like that or be so vain, so it would be a massive surprise.
I wouldn't prevent him from doing it, but I wouldn't be supportive either.
I have no strong feelings about teeth whitening.

Crying about it is way ott. She either likes you or she doesn't, is attracted to you or she isn't. At your age you probably don't need botox, well no one ever really needs it tbf, but you should do whatever you want to do, life is short.

I find it strange that she was crying, but she's right about whitening, it damages your teeth. Its up to you what you do with your body but it sounds like you might have incompatible views.

Translated to “I don’t want you looking more attractive to other women/men

If you really want it done and she hates it, she has the choice to leave the relationship.

She's crying about the idea of you making yourself feel more confident but isn't attracted to people who feel self-conscious - so surely she should want you to do what you want to feel better about yourself?

"She cried a lot and said she’s only attracted to people who aren’t self conscious about their looks.
W regards to the whitening that was the whole 'it's a chemical and I don't believe in it'."

This is screaming red flags to me.

Whitening is a chemical - everything is a bloody chemical! Hope she doesn't drink fizzy drinks, use household cleaners or toothpaste. All chemicals. 🙄

The only attracted to people who aren't self conscious is completely ridiculous, it sounds to me like she doesn't want you being confident with yourself, your idea of self improvement is nothing to do with her imo. Do what makes you feel good, and if she can't handle it then that's her issue. You making changes to make yourself happier (at no detriment to her) shouldn't be an issue.

I've had both - Botox, Invisalign and whitening. No one has ever noticed my Botox (my best friend didn't!) and I've been having it done for years. It makes me feel good. Invisalign and whitening was because I wanted a nice smile - I wasn't self conscious about my old one, I smiled all the time. However I had the money and time to do it, so I did. I enjoy the results too!

*lift