Never get house to myself and throughly fed up, anyone else

Oh god, this. I used to have a room to record music in, be crafty and work. Dh is home and uses that room as an office now. If he works elsewhere to give me that space, I have to tiptoe round my home when I want to blast music and sing into the mop as I clean. I'm so sick of it, I love him dearly but I would like him to go back to the fucking office.

I like being able to clean alone without someone urgently needing to use the toilet I've just put the anti limescale stuff down or walk on the floor I've just washed. If it's just me I can plan appropriately.

We're currently all isolating with Covid and it's driving me insane not getting any space!

I also need to put anti clog stuff down the upstairs basin and it's impossible with DH and the kids around because they always need the loo at the same time and he takes forever! Frustrated children needing exercise - they tested positive first - and frustrated me used to solo walks and runs - not a good combination!

Reading this thread it seems a lot depends on the DH/DP’s behaviour

Those of us whose DH just keeps to their office or gets on with their own thing quietly have no issues

Those of us whose DH likes to potter around the house, pop in for a chat, play music, pester with questions have more of a need to be alone

Not surprising really!!

I had COVID just before Christmas and it was absolute bliss. I tested positive on Sunday night so had 5 days at home by myself whilst the kids were at nursery. They are normally at home on a Wednesday and Friday and I paid for them to have extra days at nursery as I was enjoying myself so much. I had 5 days where I watched TV, read my books, slept and had an absolute blast. I sadly missed a Christmas day out on the Saturday but the fact that I had another 6 hours by myself made up for it. Honestly, I couldnt recommend COVID to mums fast enough if you need time at home alone (you will also need a DH who does 50% care/cleaning)

Agreed.

DH doesn’t mind how much I’m about and has no need for ‘alone’ time in the house but I’ve gone from home working alone before the pandemic, to the other extent of us both being here then on top of that periods of the kids here too - holidays, home schooling and separate stints of 10 days of Covid more than once.

As someone else said his presence is just bigger. He makes noise whereas I am such a quiet person. Constant brewing tea, teaspoons clanging on the side, dishwasher door slamming, doors slamming, whistling, asking for stuff and querying stuff. And his clonky boots. And listening to music on his phone which then phases in and out of my head as he moves round. Sometimes I just need quiet in my head, or to tidy something up and it stays that way for a while.

And above all else I feel like there is NO conversation left when we do get a meal out or whatever as we’re together 24/7 so there is no novelty of talking about each other’s ‘stuff’.

Oh god I get it!!

Dh has barely been into the office for the last 2 years - 10 days maybe? I was a SAHM, and then started part time consultancy work so have done low level WFH for 10 years since the DCs were older. I have one at uni now. I have always done all the 'kid' stuff so DH often has time on his own if I'm taking them places etc. I also have friends and hobbies. DH rarely leaves the house - occasional supermarket trip, or to visit his mum - that's it. No friends, no hobbies, never out in the evening.

YANBU. I bloody love the house to myself!!

I find this very difficult, and it’s interesting that there seems to have been a shift in thought on here. At one point, threads like this quickly became very hostile, with posters insisting that ‘it’s HIS house too’ and that the exasperated OP should be the one to leave the home.

The schools closed in March 2020 and I did not have to go in at all due to being pregnant. I therefore had DH home all the time. It wasn’t too bad at first but I did start to find it very difficult once DS was born, in December 2020. I was really conscious of him crying, felt as if I was being lazy if I sat down with him and tried to watch some daytime TV (and that proved pretty difficult anyway because DH was constantly coming in and wanting to know what I was watching.) He also went through a stage of asking what I was doing every day and while looking back I don’t think any harm was meant, it started to really get on my nerves because I felt like it was being strongly hinted that I should get out and leave him with the house to himself. In fact, as much as lockdown allowed DS and I did go out a lot, but it started to feel oppressive, as if the more we went out the more we were expected to go out.

In short, it really did start to put a strain on our relationship. I also think it (has) made my DH very lazy. He rarely leaves the house now which I do worry about.

However, I’ve become a lot firmer with boundaries and I did tell him once that I felt I was being pushed out of my own home and he was horrified he’d made me feel like that. Since then, things are better.

But it is still difficult. Right now, I am isolating (had a positive LFT on sunday) and DH is working in the dining room. I cleaned the kitchen this morning but can’t have the radio on while I do so. Over Christmas, I couldn’t make mince pies whilst listening to Christmas songs. Parcels being delivered is another annoyance.

We are actually moving this year to a house with a separate annexe but I don’t know whether dh will stay in it or not. I hope so, because DS is at an age where he understands Daddy is here and wants to get to him, but not old enough to understand Daddy is working.

I could have written this post myself. Nearly two years of DH being home on loud calls all day and no office open for the foreseeable. I was used to being at home alone working quietly in my office at least three days a week while the kids were at school and now I get zero time at home to myself, he's constantly underfoot and popping in for a chat (and I often end up making lunch for both of us rather than just grazing from the fridge) and it is driving me nuts. I can go out to work meetings once or twice a week when not in lockdown, but that's not the same. He, on the other hand, LOVES being at home, no commute, and me being around. He does take the children out at the weekends sometimes for a couple of hours but I'm inevitably doing domestic stuff in that time. It's been a real test of our marriage. I used to look forward to him coming home and catching up on our days; I just don't think it's healthy to be together all the time.

@campion I can only think you haven't been living with the same person for decades and had at least a couple of offspring inhabiting your headspace and physical space at the same time.

DH and I have been living together for 9 years and have a 1yo DC if it makes any difference. If he always insisted on doing something together when he was home then that would drive me mad! But we mostly relax alone in the evening, or at least around 4 evenings a week. If he's doing his own thing on his pc and I'm doing my own thing on mine, why would he being home bother me?

But we are all different! OP's view is obviously a common one, for all I don't personally relate to it, and that's fine

We went through this when moved from the SE to the SW 15 years ago. Both Dh and I had very busy life but when we first moved it took time to get into different hobbies. It got so bad I used to go out for long walks to get away from him - he even wanted to food shopping with me.

We now manage to have time together and also time apart as he has an office upstairs and I have the living room. I do love him but do need time apart.

@CoalCraft I can only think you haven't been living with the same person for decades and had at least a couple of offspring inhabiting your headspace and physical space at the same time.

Much as you may love them, would die for them and generally enjoy their company, there are times when they need to be not in the house when you are.

I hear you 100% OP. The idea of them all going off for a week and leaving me here alone is my idea of heaven just now. I was even interrupted whilst typing this!!

DP just came through and said his work are going back in from 1 February! He’s been doing two days at home, three in, and vice versa alternate weeks until Christmas, so looks like back to that. I am provisionally back to two days in from 10 February too.,

I so agree with everything you say, it's really hard being together 24x7. I also don't want to have to go somewhere to be able to spend time apart, I want to spend time alone in my own house! My DH took my car to the garage today and said he'd stay out for a bit while the car was being fixed. Less than 30min later he is back home as it was too cold to do anything outside . It's really driving me nuts and I feel like this anger is just building up inside of me every day, but I don't know how to resolve this. My company has closed our offices and we are fully WFH now, so no chance of me leaving the house either.
I don't have any advise, just wanted to say you are not alone!

Sorry, that was @TopCatsTopHat !

It's just not about what you can do or not. It's just that feeling you have when you know no one will interrupt your thoughts or need your attention, however briefly. Surely you have enjoyed solitary time and know what that feels like?

I suppose. I mean it's not like I mind being on my own in the house. But I guess my husband just doesn't interrupt me that often when we're both relaxing. In the evenings once DC's in bed, we both either play games separately, or I'll watch telly in the living room while he paints in the dining room or whatever. The closest we get to interrupting each other is "do you want a tea?". Obviously this is assuming it's just a quiet night in and we don't have any plans.

When DC is awake then we'd both rather be all together in one room so her high energy is diluted between us! (She's 1)

I would hate that too OP. I love time on my own. We often watch TV in separate rooms, he plays on his games in his office and also eat separately sometimes. Are any of those things an option for you?

I’m the opposite! For years DH has worked long hours in the office and it’s lovely having him working from home. We still don’t see much of each other as we are working in our respective offices but even having 20 minutes for lunch together or bringing each other a cup of tea is a big improvement.

Definitely prefer it when the DC go to school though

DH is out of the house thankfully, he only had 3 weeks at home at the very beginning of the first lockdown. I've wfh for nearly 2 years.

I'm lucky enough to have a separate little office on the ground floor, and I spend my mornings working away, maybe the radio on, or just peace and quiet. Then around lunchtime DD will emerge (she works shifts) .... music will be blaring, she'll be crashing about in the kitchen cooking something, shouting stuff out to me randomly. I love her dearly but it's too full on. At least it's only her, her sister has gone back to uni.

Totally get it. My husband was here, there and everywhere with work before Covid. Away for the night sometimes which gave me the odd evening in my own which I loved. Now he is permanently at home and won’t be going anywhere til July apparently as his new office isn’t big enough anymore 😆
And he built an office in the garden during lockdown last year so doesn’t even technically work in the house anymore, except he needs constant tea and toilet breaks… and wants to know what I’m doing all the time… and is just always around 😆

Can't you ask him to please go out? Small kids here so kind of impossible but pre kids I was known to suggest to DH that perhaps he should go see a movie! . Now, occasionally, one or the other of us will make an effort to take the kids out for a few hours on the weekend to give the other one some space.