Never get house to myself and throughly fed up, anyone else

I see a lot of men these days, wanting to be around the home all the time, wanting to dominate the home, and refusing to go out without their wife... YET the women are wanting their own space and getting irked by their man being stuck underfoot, getting in the way, and being loud and intrusive. A lot of women want time away from their man. But the men think being together 24/7 is just brilliant. How do they not find it as suffocating as us women?

HE wants to be with her all the time, yet SHE seems to want more time AWAY from him. Men used to hardly ever be around. When did this trend shift?

My DH (born mid 1960s,) is the same. Wants to be with me all the time, never goes out without me, follows me around the house, hangs around in the kitchen whilst I am trying to cook, keeps chatting when I'm trying to concentrate on something, and rings me constantly when I am out (what's for tea? whatcha doin? what time will you be home etc???)

WHY are men like this ??? My dad and uncles and all the men I knew born pre mid-1940s weren't like this. They had jobs/careers, and hobbies and friends, and were away from the house most of the time. They'd be there enough to be part of the family, teach the kids to swim/cycle/drive, help with homework, play footy, go for a walk etc...

But they didn't hang round the house like a fart, constantly asking questions, following their wife around from room to room, talking loudly on the phone, letting their work dominate every aspect of the house and family life, and they didn't possess zero friends.

My dad and his generation of men (and those before them) regularly went out with friends, and had several outside hobbies, and a membership of the bowling club or social club or fishing club. They didn't refuse to leave the house unless their wife did.

WTF has happened to men?

I get you op. We both wfh at the moment and for a while we shared an office. However I had to move into the dining room as he would just keep shouting down the phone!

And even now weee in separate rooms he comes and stands next to me when he wants something - even if I'm on a call. I have to keep saying write a note if it's urgent or wait if it's not.

and yes to talking AT me. He doesn't get the difference even though I've tried to explain it. He also likes an audience when he's getting ready to leave - can't find car keys, or iPad or any other of the stuff he carries around. He gets loads of time alone at home as I've got a busy social life but he just won't reciprocate.

Ask for what you need.
Also schedule things to get some space in the house. Eg if yiu menu plan and cook, send him to shops.
All about balance.
I would hate not being able to ask for space in the house. I have adhd and lose my train of thought if people are near me when I cook, organise etc.
At the mo am in bed with snoozind dog and a glass of wine.
Its worth working something out , is normal for many to want space and can be very good for you. I do return the favour .

Who is WFH? You, him or both? It is very claustrophobic, but no one has more ‘right’ to be in the house alone more than the other party. maybe you need to give each other some space?

She's a savvy woman!

I totally get this!

I'm a SAHM now and thanks to the pandemic DH can work full time at home if he wants. He used to be in the office full time. There is no rush back to the office they are quite happy for them all to stay home permanently if they want. No, thank you!!

We've child at school and the other does three days at preschool. We've compromised, DH goes into the office two of the three days that the youngest is at preschool and does the other three at home. Means he's here for three mornings and bedtimes so extra time with the children for him, and three days where he doesn't have a commute and two days I have the house to myself.

As for what do I do, well nothing secret or exciting. I work one day on a volunteer role, totally flexible, so sometimes I do that in the evening when the children are in bed and then have a day free to myself so binge watch Netflix and read. The other I mostly use the time to clean the house and catch up with jobs but I do it in silence and without anyone under my feet. It is bliss. No one to interrupt me, no one to come in and start waffling on about things that I don't have headspace for, no one putting the tv on making a racket.

I crave alone time. I have two young children who need me for everything and I am a late diagnosed autistic adult. I need to have time on my own. I cannot bear being surrounded by people 24/7.

DH has his own time too, he just chooses to spend it outside of the house on his hobbies. Roughly the equivalent time wise as what I have. I don't begrudge him that, so he has had to learn not to begrudge me having some time on my own at home.

I don't think retirement will bother me as such (we're a long way off that anyway!) because I won't have very small people by that point needing me for every tiny little thing. By the time I retire our children will be in their thirties themselves. Plus I will spend time cultivating and encouraging outside hobbies for DH in the intervening years

MEEE! Have been stuck in house for 2 years with DH, vulnerable cancer treatment, and 4 with special needs classed as vulnerable. Today (excitement) drove to hospital with DD for covid test as she needs to have her pacemaker changed. I am fed up with PCR tests every time I go out to support my kids when they go to hospital. Just to make it clear I know it is necessary but I MISS MY MATES.

I think it depends, if both have hobbies and friends outside of the home then it works well.

But some people do equate love with never wanting to leave their partner alone for a second.

I hear you! DH is on calls allllll day and there is this constant rubble of his voice from above that I find very hard to tune out. Plus he has a tendency to suddenly pop down for a cuppa, interrupt whatever I’m doing so I stop and chat, then he comments on how much hard much work he has and mopes off. So. Irritating.

(He gets up 2 hrs after me, and goes to bed 2 hrs earlier than me, and takes every lie-in at weekend, and I do every child night waking but there is always this tinge of judgement that I have it so easy. I’d bloody love to sit down for hours at a laptop!!)

I won't have to tiptoe round the house when DH retires - I can have my music on full blast, practice my choir singing when I like, not have to worry about having a shower in the middle of the day because it's next to where he works, have friends over and have a chat, not have to time everything I do around when he is in zoom etc

I crave time on my own. Today was supposed to be my first day in the house on my own since September. I have been so looking forward to it and had lots of plans. I happily left work last night feeling like I was about to go on a two week holiday and not just a day off. DS woke up in the night feeling poorly and is now off school

Yanbu at all. I reacted to dh working from home by ditching being a sahm to get full time job. My marriage is never going to survive retirement.

Retirement is different because you aren't obligated to be around working , a lot of pensioners are miserable because neither have friends or interests and can't be arsed to make the effort

I am surprised at the lack of mentioning on here of co working spaces. H and I work together in a business but I've never had us both working at home together for years, it simply didn't work and thats with no kids at home and lots of space. If you are saving money on commuting and live within easy reach of a city or even mid sized town then it's a great option , worth £200 a month of anyones money especially if not paying rail commuting costs etc. In our case made sense for me to leave every day as H needs lot of stuff around for his job plus a lot ofvideo/audio but could easily work the other way around too

I can see retirement being a challenge but I'm quite skilled at logistical challenges I think my poor DH would be completely bewildered if I said, "I love you and you're not at all annoying, but sometimes I just want the whole house all to myself for a little while."

I love my DH dearly but I also love having time to myself.

I am actually counting the days until he goes away for a weekend in February. He leaves early Friday morning and comes back late Sunday evening. It will be bliss (both saying goodbye and welcoming him home).

I appreciate him more when he isn’t always around.

I’m worried about retirement too. My husband used to travel regularly for work, and work really long hours. I traveled for work too, not as much, and would fairly regularly visit friends for weekend or go away with friends. Obviously that’s all stopped, he’s been at home…..

My way of dealing with it has been an allotment for me, getting a dog he loves walking, a house with a garden so I can garden (sit in the greenhouse with tea and radio 4), and encouraging him out to see his grown up kids.

“his expectation that I will cheerfully pause whatever I’m doing every time he wants something.” Oh, so much this. I’ve been known to lose signal when he’s rung up and I’m out and he’s looking to know where something is.

I think a man is a very big presence in a house, and affects the way a woman feels more so that the other way around

Ha ha, yes!

I love having the house to myself too. I thought it was just me.

I hear you.
No wfh but work hours change has meant there's always someone in.
Makes it hard to mop floors or give the loo a long soak in descale.
I miss a bit of quiet too.

if you cannot share your home with your beloved, then you need to think about your future. When you're both retired ,how will you cope?*

I think a few posters have worried about this!

In a lot of cases it isn’t so much the husband being at home people mind, it’s the constant presence of his work. Mine was working until 9 in the lounge last night. Something I discovered when on maternity leave with DS was how lonely it is having someone there, but not there.

I also don’t plan to spend my retirement solely at home. It’s really bad for anyone to never leave the house and I am a bit worried that DH only ever leaves the house maybe twice a week. Usually at weekends, with me!

This thread is such the apotheosis to the current thread about a lady who has accepted a job but was then told that she'd have to go into an office for a few days a week but doesn't want to.

I'm just agog at the 'us and them' attitude.
Go back to the office if your employer says, but wait , I don't want to, I'm more productive at home as I can shlepp off to do school runs and put a meal in my Instapot .

There's been threads about no space to work and having to sit in a bedroom while partner is working, .. threads about children talking over while on a microphone, threads about being unable to share space.

However... if you cannot share your home with your beloved, then you need to think about your future.
When you're both retired ,how will you cope?

Yes! Love my husband and my son but wish DH could take DS out for half a day here and there. I take him out all the time and DH gets to enjoy a lie in and a laze around an empty house. I've told him but he isn't good at empathy! This week, they should be going to gymnastics on Sunday and I cannot wait to wake up and have the house all to myself!

My DH is a SAHD and I go out to work 3-4 days a week. He's very much a home bod and has anxieties about driving and staying alone at night. So I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in the house on my own longer than about half-an-hour (if he nips to the shop) in the past 5 years.

My maternity leave was spent with baby and DH. When I'm not working, I'm at home and DH is too. We rattle around together all the time and I don't see the situation changing any time soon. Those half-hour times when he goes to the shop or takes DS out for a walk or to the park are far and few between but bliss. It can be very hard.