Husband bought a christmas gift for another women

But his mate doesn't know and I'm not to tell him either as he will 'get the wrong end of the stick'. massive giveaway

I have a few questions @Biscuits1. What type of dressing gown? Sexy satin or cosy fleece? And what did he get you for Xmas?

It was an error to forgive the first time. You’ve got years of this ahead of you if you forgive again.

The main problem you’ve got is he really wants to shag this woman and is still sniffing round her when he’s got a wife who loves him and a child.

He doesn’t appreciate what it is to be loved.

Fuck me, he’s-a compete arsehole. If it’s So innocent why is it a secret? Why wasn’t it a gift from both of you? Does her DH know where it came from? How did it get to her, whilst you were being treated badly and sleeping on the sofa with a new born? A secret meet up? No, I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Baby or no baby, I would be done here.

Ugh! I'd send the leopard temptress' DH a copy of the receipt. As someone else said your DH is either shagging her or trying to.

You need to kick his arse out the house. He is a liar.
He will always be a liar, and he will string you along for as long as you let him.

He’s crossed a boundary. I’d be telling both the woman and her husband and getting rid of him to boot.

If he’s not having an affair, then he would if he could.

You were generous to forgive the first time round but he has broken your trust again to suit himself. IME (personal unfortunately) the more you forgive/accept the lies the more they do. The fact that it’s a secret from her DH as well suggests she is very invested and there is more to this than you are likely to be told. Listen to your gut/instinct. Take time and really think about what YOU want. You are vulnerable with a newborn but if LTB is what you want you will be able to do it with careful planning and advice from the right places.

Of course you're not being dramatic, it's a woman he has history with and his first reaction when you brought it up was to lie about it, not exactly trustworthy is he?

I have to say that he's "explanation" is almost more insulting than the affair he is having/wants to have. I would be furious that he thought I was fool enough to buy that pile of steaming nonsense.

If it was all above board he would have told you and it would have been a joke present from you both and her dh would know. But it was a secret present from him to her and that is the issue.

Of course he will deny it you will think you are going mad

You know what you know and you aren't comfortable otherwise you wouldn't be posting on MN for validation of how you are rightfully feeling.

The woman might not be interested in your partner and for all you know it might be awkward for her .

I think I would have to message her and say something like, Hi X how's the dressing gown? Don't tell your partner

You'll then be able to gauge what is going on by how your partner reacts. If he finds out about your message you now they are in contact and
the present was meant to be a secret

You'll know from the responses and reactions

Sounds very suspicious, sorry OP.
Do you have the kind of relationship with her where you could call her up and have a chat?

Yeah he's a creep. Even if he's just "being friendly"...did he buy her Husband a pressie? And why a dressing gown...it's like he's trying to give her something that reminds her of him, daily [the fact she wears one around the house]

He definitely is acting inappropriately. I'd be inclined to message her and say you found out about the dressing gown, you're embarrassed for your H and hope her husband doesn't mind. See how she reacts

At the very least encouraged his behaviour and agreed to lie to her husband and the OP.
The op didnt say any of that. She said he ordered it online while he was isolating. He could have easily had it delivered directly to her. He could be relying on her feeling so uncomfortable she doesn't want to upset her dh's relationship with him.

Theres been nothing said by op YET that her dh's interest in this woman has ever been reciprocated.

As others have said I know it's hard when you have a little baby but he's showing no respect to you or the husband of the woman he's trying to sleep with. Whether she's an active participant in his attention to her or not, he obviously has deep rooted want for her as he's still persuing her after all these years. I'm guessing he's gaslighting you into thinking your being ott and that it's just a joke cos he knows it's wrong but wants to have his Cake and eat it. He's a worm and you and your baby deserve better

So, he bought this present knowing it was risking his marriage and his friendship.

Either he did such a huge risky thing for a silly joke...or because he is having or trying to have an affair with the woman.

OP, it's obviously the second one isn't it?? Of course he wouldn't do such a stupid, hurtful, risky thing for a bit of banter. That would be utterly absurd!!

He did it because he fancies or possibly loves his mate's wife and has good reason to think she feels the same.

If you stay with this man he will make your life miserable.

OP the other thing is that at some point he's seen her, gifted this dressing gown and discussed not telling her husband or you. That's not something he can do in a minute or two while her husband pops to the toilet. Dressing gowns aren't small and easily hidden.

Can I ask what he got you for Christmas?

He's treating you as a fool, so don't fall for it. He's proven that he can't be trusted so I'm not sure what else anyone can tell you. People who are in a committed, loving relationship do not do this. He is always passing these things off as a joke, is he a clown?

If it was innocent his mate would know. Presume she said she bought it herself. Why did HE have to buy it for her. They are both lying about a dressing gown which strongly suggests an affair