Husband bought a christmas gift for another women

1) Id message her “selling yourself a bit cheap there luv”
Wtf?! What did she do wrong?!

Ugh.

You must feel heartsick. This is something you can choose to put down to banter, but you know given the history that it isn't. At best it is inappropriate and at worst it's a man besotted with another woman.

You can lie to yourself and play happy families, and hope this will pass again, or you can boot him out of the door.

I would hope I would do the latter.

You cannot trust him. Mainly because he cannot be trusted, but that is actually not the point. The point remains you cannot trust him. You can leave your relationship because your husband is trying to have an affair. That's perfectly acceptable. You dont have to wait until be actually does.

Whatever you decide to do at this stage, stop buying presents for his family. That’s his responsibility. Dont act like his staff, or that is how he will treat you. No reminders. No responsibility taken at all. It is his job.

1. Id message her “selling yourself a bit cheap there luv”

2. I’m not going to say LTB because you have a tiny baby and it’s impractical. But this man isn’t forever. For now you just live with each other, make use of the second set of hands, squirrel away some money, go back to work asap and DO NOT have another baby with him. When baby gets to school age get the fuck out of there.

What is your communication like with her and her H? Are you all "friends"? If so I would text her about it and ask if she likes the gift. Her reply will tell you a lot

I would do a whatsapp group with the couple and dh and say you want it out in the open that you discovered that dh had purchased this gift for the woman, let it blow the friendship up imo.

I think a good guideline for a strong relationship is to very rarely do or say anything you don't want your partner to know. And, not to do or say anything with someone else that you would not want their partner to know. Your husband appears to have broken both of those. Your question is what would I do in your situation. I would struggle, but attempt to leave it a few days then try to have a conversation about suitable boundaries in a loving partnership. That would no doubt end up with me in tears and my husband stomping off, so I hope your conversations can go better!

Your situation does remind me of the scene in Love Actually, which always breaks me.

If she already always wears one around the house why would he buy her another? What a complete load of BS. If you're still wanting to stay with him despite this then the friendship need to end.

You can't live like this, always worrying about what he's doing.. it sounds like he can't be trusted at all. You should leave for the sake of both you and your daughter as it's an unhealthy environment for her to grow up in and you'll both be happier. Also he's not much of a 'friend' either is he! Hope you have support from your friends and family OP x

Oh come on, he's insulting you by telling you this is innocent. I wouldn't entertain this shit for a nano second.

And a Next dressing gown? I'd kick him out for crimes against style alone.

If he’s not already, he really is doing his utmost to shag her. Of course he doesn’t want you to tell her husband, it’s for the same reason he didn’t tell you about his innocent little ‘joke’ present… it’s far from innocent. What a sleaze. I’m so sorry

Hope you're OK op must have been a horrible shock especially with little one. This would be the end point for me tbh

If it was innocent it wouldn’t have been a secret.

He’s got form. He’s done it before, with the same person.

He’s either trying to have an affair or is having one. Tell the friend.

I know it is really hard to be faced with something like this when you have a small baby. I put off dealing with my H adulterous behaviour when I had a baby because my MH just couldn't cope with anything else at that point, I was all over the place emotionally. I avoided admitting the truth to myself but deep down I knew.

This might not be the time for you to LTB or it might be the perfect time. You might come back to this later on, if you can't face it right now. But he is emotionally or physically having an affair. I would guess physically and that it is quite a well established affair as gift buying would be too much in the early stages or where lines are still blurred. This is a sexual gift, too.

It's not the gift. It's the secrecy.

At the very least that gets you off the hook for ever buying xmas/birthday gifts and cards for his family. If he can buy a secret dressing gown for his mate's wife from his covid sickbed whilst you are caring for a tiny baby, he can certainly take on that mental load.

I'd be calling round and telling the husband. As for your dh I think he's squirming because he's still lying to you. Sorry.

I’m 100% with @WTF475878237NC
I hope you’ve got family and friends who can help and support in RL.

Well he’s got that tied up in a neat little bow hasn’t he? You can’t ask the woman’s DH because he’d get the wrong end of the stick. It’s just a joke. Lot of excuses. And he was messaging her before.

Why is it your job to buy the gifts for his family? Do you feel like he takes advantage in other areas? What do you want to do now? Were you suspicious before, are you now, what’s his behaviour been like generally, etc.

The fact he's hiding it from you and his friend shows he knows how inappropriate it is.

Is this the same woman he wanted to hook up with?

Don't forgive him again. He's a liar with an intention to cheat.

Yuk. She can’t be much of a catch if she’s available for the price of a Next leopard print dressing gown. He’s not telling the truth.

You should never have allowed the friendship to become a thing again, and if your dh had any respect for you he would never have started seeing them again.

YANBU. The fact that it was a leopard design was quite telling, as that’s supposed to be sexy.

I would keep an eye on the situation. If he is cheating (with her or anyone else), he will slip up.

Did she accept the dressing gown without telling her husband? She’s a fool.