To think a second baby would be too hard?

I didn't have a difficult baby but she was born just pre lockdown. I had decided I would only have one and then I got pregnant when she was 16 months.
It has been a horrific pregnancy with sickness that lasted well over 20 weeks. The most horrific PGP that meant I couldn't get up the stairs some days, was housebound with a toddler for the ending weeks of my pregnancy. I cried every day it was horrendous and I really really regretted getting pregnant. All of that alone would be hard but then I of course had my toddler, she's fairly placid but I felt unbareable guilty for how useless I was.
However...my baby is here now and he is wonderful. Still early days but he is a placid baby and having a newborn and a toddler is nowhere near as savage as I thought, yet.

So basically be prepared but ultimately who can regret a squishy new baby!

I think you should have another but give it some time, no rush. Enjoy this one. I have a 2 year age gap which is lovely but I look at siblings with bigger gaps and think yes - that makes a lot of sense!

I knew someone who had a first baby like yours. They agonised over another and then went for it and it turned out their second was a breeze. It's obviously an unknown though!

I was really unsure about having my second, I found the first year of motherhood extremely tough. However, I fell pregnant again just as the first lockdown was announced and so the decision was made for me!

Of course everyone’s experience is different but I have found having two a million times easier than one. As PP have said you have more experience and confidence to draw on, and you can put everything into perspective.

It’s truly amazing to see the love my kids have for each other, my heart is is fit to burst every time I see them have a cuddle or see my eldest taking care of her little brother.

It is hard sometimes and chaotic all the time, but for me it’s been 100% worth it. I’m so happy that we took the leap.

Having said that, I know that if we had stuck at one, we would have been just perfect too. Whatever you decide, or whatever fate decides for you, it will be wonderful.

If you really want another, I guess you manage.
I really didn't want another so I didn't have one, and my only is now 20.
Never regretted my decision.

*Nah second babies aren't hard at all

If anything they are easier - you are more confidant, less anxious, body is already used to the lack of sleep*

I found my second MUCH harder. Trying to juggle two plus her difficult temperament, it was so hard.

My first baby was a nightmare, so unsettled and unhappy. She cried ALL the time. I stopped going to baby groups because she'd just scream and scream while all the other babies would lie there contededly. The comparison made me feel ten times worse! But she's grown in to the most wonderful girl! I was really scared to have a second child and didn't think I could go through it again. However, we did and he was a dream baby. Really peaceful and calm and slept well. Obviously you never know how your second will be. They might be even worse but what I will say is that the first year with your second passes in the blink of an eye. The first year with my first baby was the longest, most difficult year of my life. I barely remember my 2nd child being a baby. It just flew by! One minute he was a newborn, the next he was weaning, the next minute he was a toddler. Even if he'd been difficult I know it would have been so much easier. You just have a completely different perspective with your 2nd.

I know more and more people anecdotally who are stopping at one. I think a combination of how expensive kids are (!), people living further from family support and people having kids later in life all have a part to play tbh.
However we decided to have another and it's been broadly great. I don't have any of the panic I had with my first as we'd done it all before and felt more confident. It obviously helps that I had DS2 in May 2021 so the worst of the restrictions were over. Hats off to you for getting through 2020 with a baby OP.
I think though, for me, the key has been the age gap. The kids have 3 years almost exactly between them. It meant that my eldest was potty trained, slept through the night, could put this own clothes on etc... when DS2 arrived. He also really wanted to help fetching nappies and bottles etc... which in the first few months especially was all a god send.
And I have to say the moment my sons met for the first time was the most special moment of my life. I'll remember it forever.
Good luck with your decision - there are definite merits to both options x

Don't have a second unless you absolutely really 100% want it, two is very tough!

Less than 2 year gap I found tough as babies and toddlers. My friends with 3+ yr age gap seem to have much easier time.

Following with interest. We're in the same boat and currently going the same thought process. Not only about how we'll manage practically, but financially too - nursery fees are so high and then eldest would would need wrap around care too once at school. But, have always wanted 2. What age are you now? Could you wait another year or do you absolutely need to make a decision now?

@SandraWilson1969 can't tell if you are serious or not, but that is ridiculous advice. A big family didn't stop my dad from leaving my mom with six of us to care for.

OP, if you aren't sure I would wait. My first was a really difficult baby and only now she's 4 years old do I feel ready for a second. It's so much easier because she can entertain herself and take basic care of herself and also understands if something needs to wait for five minutes.

I was pregnant with my second baby by the time the first was 7 months old, OP!
Yes, it was gruelling, especially as DH died just before the new baby's first birthday, but it gets all the nappies/teething/sleepless nights/tantrums out of the way in one fell swoop.
That was 30 years ago - I raised both DDs alone and never remarried. It was tough, but we got through, and they are lovely adults.

We are in a similar boat. We had DS in April 2020 so during lockdown 1. Family were too far away to bubble with / meet for a park walk and we've not long lived in our area so we were very much an isolated unit for all of DS's first year. My god last winter was tough! We are all in a far better place now than this time last year.

We have tentatively decided to TTC in the new year. I'm 36 and DH is 34 and we took 2 years to conceive last time so I kind of feel like if we're going to have a second, we need to get on with it. We've talked about it and thought about it loads and I'm under no illusions that having a second would be easy, but we do think it's what we want. I totally understand the decision to be happily one and done though, and quite possibly it won't happen for us and we'll be happy with our one.

It's a difficult thing to decide - pros and cons each way.

If you're younger than us, or perhaps didn't struggle to conceive last time, could you give yourself another year or so to think about it?

I’m not going to say you are a wuss, @justanoldhack - but I will say one thing. I honestly believe that you have learned so much from the experience of having your first child, and that knowledge and experience can make coping with the second child easier. You know the time saving tricks, and you are much more confident handling a newborn, second time round, because of the experience with No1.

But I can also appreciate how much harder things have been for you, having your first baby in a pandemic, and if that means you don’t feel ready for a second baby right now, then that is the right decision for you. And you don’t have to say no second baby ever, you can just say no second baby right now - and maybe in a year or so, things will have gone back to normal, and you may feel ready then.

Both mine sleep though......

We have an 11month old and a 2 and a bit year old. It's been a really tough year but now it's feeling manageable and enjoyable. We're glad that we doubled up and now we can move forward. Hoping to make the house nice now.

Nah second babies aren't hard at all

If anything they are easier - you are more confidant, less anxious, body is already used to the lack of sleep

I think deep down you know if you want more or not. I had anxieties about it but ultimately it was what I wanted. Others had anxieties and felt relieved to not have more.

Don't let people talk you out of it if it's just fear, but don't feel like you have to have another just because that's what you originally wanted.

All the best either way

As other people have said, I think the age gap is a big factor. I think that if your first child has moved to more independence, sleeps through the night and has been through the starting nursery phase when they get sick all the time, then you are in a better place to cope with a second child. Maybe a 3 1/2 - 4 year age gap?

I had a just over 3 year age gap and I think I’d have found it easier with a smaller gap as dc1 had stopped napping and I had to get up to do the nursery run. But even though my second was a nightmare baby it was still easier going from 1-2 than 0-1 and I became a single parent when dc2 was a few months old and it was still easier with her and a 3 year old than it was with dc1. Had little family support either time and exh was useless throughout.

I have a 3yo and a 3mo. The 3yo was a colicy high needs baby who still doesn't sleep but we decided to go for a second because we really wanted 2. It's been a lot easier than I thought it would be, the 3mo is almost a dream baby and currently only wakes once in the night for a feed 🤞🤞🤞.

Only you can make this decision.

How old is your one? We’re similar. Well, our 2 year old still has really difficult moments with sleep but we’d still like a second.

Would first child be in nursery or school?

Snap sarah !