To think a second baby would be too hard?

The second baby is easy as you are calmer. But the first child gets harder as they become a toddler. I have an 18 month age gap and I'd be lying if I said it was easy. They are three and five now and it's still exhausting. Obviously there are loads of good sides like the fact they play together all day everyday but I am constantly in demand so it's not all that easy just yet. I don't regret it of course and I knew I wanted another so it wasn't a choice for me if that makes sense. I had to do it. If you are unsure don't as I 100% think you can have a better life balance with one. My friends with one still have more semblance of the life they had before kids. With two I think that's much more difficult.

Do you have support and can you afford nursery for the second? My second baby is now 11 months and older child is 3 1/2. I so wanted a sibling and still glad we did but it is tough. Your free time now disappears - with one it was still easier to still have some life away from the children. With two it's just harder.

But I wouldn't trade or not have done this. In the near future I am going to have two lovely boys chasing each other round a park, beach etc.

My first was a tough baby (non sleeping, feeding issue now speech delay), my second a delight - slept through from 10 weeks. We kept my older child in part time nursery and that is how I have coped!

I felt like you - had a difficult first birth (emergency c-section) and my son was a very difficult baby. Didn't sleep for 18 months and just never seemed happy. He got infinitely better after the 18 month mark.

I/we did think about having another but decided against it. I just couldn't face doing it all again and having another (albeit elective) c-section. Going back to sleepless nights when we had just got over it.

Our son has just turned 8 and I don't regret the decision to only have one at all. It's great -we have lots of fun together, can enjoy a meal out with him and have time to devote to him. He has lots of friends and enjoys cubs and swimming outside of school.
I have gained 2 promotions since he was born and I am about to start a third, so my career hasn't suffered but I think it would have had I had another baby.

If you aren't sure, I would wait a while.

We have a 2 year age gap. Everyone said that one child was a big step change, but two wasn't so much because you're already parents. In a way they were right, but fucking hell it's hard. It suddenly got easier when eldest was 2.5 and went through a development leap and youngest wasn't so intensely in need of the precise schedule she'd put herself on. But we have zero spare time and have to really, really work together as a team constantly. Sleep is terrible.

I don't understand how I'd cope if I was a single parent. We're happy together but I think about it all the time!

But they absolutely love each other and DD is just the most perfect thing ever. I love her so much. I'm expecting /hoping that things will get easier and easier (please god!)

I'm due my DD in 3 days, my DS is 18 months old! Definitley not planned, I really wasn't sure what to do at first as my DS was quite a high need newborn, lots of sickness etc. But I did always want another and now I have one!! Well I will in a few days. Under no illusion it will be easy and it will take lots of adjusting and 2 babies in a pandemic is hard!!! But ultimately the good always outways the bad for me. I lost my mum when I fell pregnant with DS and I think being a mum gave me purpose and definitley kept me around

The older I get, the more I wish I had a sibling.

Exacy the same boat. Dd is a vovid baby born April 2021. I'd like another but had PND and she still doesn't reliably sleep through at 9 months. I want a small gap to minimise my career disruption and to get the baby phase done in a smallish go.

Hey OP. We are age 37 and are due our 2nd baby. We waited til my DD was 4 before starting to try and conceived quickly luckily so the age gap has worked how we wanted it I.e 1 at school before the newborn comes along. It's so much easier then trying to pay two nursery bills and potty training + newborn etc etc. She's self sufficient and can play alone etc its brilliant I can't wait for her to be a big sister. We don't feel tired at all BUT that's because we're past the difficult age of her sleeping badly etc and all settled ready for the madness to start again. I'd recommend waiting a bit personally.

It is really hard and so many pros and cons of how many you have and what the age difference could be.

We have a 4 year age gap and it’s been really hard. Dd was used to being an only child and having us to herself and struggles with huge jealousy even 2 years on. She really loves her brother but she regressed hugely and can be very jealous and spiteful toward him.
Also by the time we had DS we were 39 and 43 and frankly felt old and exhausted starting again!

But financially we couldn’t have tried sooner and also neither of us felt ready.

It is gradually getting easier as they get older….

5 year age gap here - yes, was massively helpful that she could do lots of things for herself.
2nd child now nearly 3. The toll has been incredible. Regardless of covid, we are not fortunate to have family support and I bear most of the burden due to my partners longer and inflexible hours.
Nearly three years of absolutely horrific sleep deprivation and I don’t know how I’ve coped. My career has taken massive hit in terms of progression and missed opportunities due to exhaustion and not being able to put any extra in.
If I had family support and she’d been a sleeper it would have transformed these early days.
Think about what support you have, and how important interruption to your career might be.

@LillyLeaf we also had ivf.

Same boat here. Really don't know what to do, it feels very complicated. We had our first in July 2020 after ivf and miscarriages so it won't be easy to conceive again anyway. Same as you op with no support, it was bloody hard and that cold long winter was brutal.

We're in a good place now and DS is amazing and I feel incredibly lucky that we have him but I always thought we would have 2.

I also want to change career soon which would be so much harder with another baby and also so expensive doing ivf again when I will be reducing my income. I'm 39 so time is really ticking. I just hope whatever we decide (DP is absolutely leaning towards sticking with one) we don't regret it, which I think I will with one child.

Sorry this is of no help, but nice to know other people are thinking the same as us.

wait until the baby starts nursery and it will be easier.

Reading with interest as we also had first baby April 2020 and a difficult birth abs recovery. After years of fertility treatment too. Currently considering ttc another but all the anxieties you have said are there for sure!

Go with what you think. I have two with a 5 year gap and I 50% love it, 50% regret it. They’re both amazing but fuck me… maybe if I had more support it wouldn’t be so hard 👍🏻

HOW do women do that? Have two weeks with their partner and then parent pretty much alone?

Of course if I'd ended up as a single parent for any reason I guess you just get on with it because you have to, but IME what really was needed in those early days is for the Dad to do the nursery runs and the older one's bedtime. I honestly don't know how I would have coped without that. In the early early days DH was also the one playing with DS1, taking him to the playground, looking after him really while I was still recovering (and feeling unable to be away from my baby at all).

I’ve 3 and I can hand on heart say I don’t have a favourite. Yes, you absolutely can love another child as much as your first.

Same boat, add into the mix I also want to return and do my masters so I can change career pathway.

I'm torn between having a second (and likely final) baby before I turn 30, and just cracking on with my masters which will be hard enough with one child and working!

It’s just a total gamble though. Having a nightmare first child does not mean the second will be easier. They could be exactly the same, or worse, plus you’d have to look after them while also looking after your first child, who may continue to be difficult!

Only have a second if you really really want one.

Also I would say If first bath was a nightmare, as mine was, the only way is up! I am constantly saying to DH what a pleasant surprise DS2 is and i know someone who had a very easy baby first and really struggled with the difficult second so it’s better this way around

I wouldn't dream of having a second baby unless you really, really want one.

It is twice the work load, plus some.

You had a very hard time the first time and are finally coming up for air.

Only children are very happy contented children in my experience.

Think harder and longer before committing.

If you feel you would be fine with whatvyou have, I would be so grateful for what you have and feeling like that.

How wonderful to be content with what you have.