Does anyone else feel like they've married the wrong person?

Meh. You can truly love someone and they don’t love you back. You can both truly love each other and life fucks you over. I think it’s better to have love and lost ( knowing romantic love is amazing) but it’s not all there is.

Do what makes you happy but don’t think another person holds the keys to success.

Yep.

He's nice enough and I'm not actively unhappy, but like a few PPs, I feel very lonely.

But we're not going to separate just because he gets on my nerves most of the time. It wouldn't be fair to my son, if nothing else.

I don't love him anymore, I can say that 'hand-on-heart', but i used to...he just ruined it and the inevitable happened.
I think he's just oblivious.

It's all well and good people saying just leave : but there are often huge repercussions if you do, financial, the kids, social. Sometimes it's just easier to stay.

Yeah same here.

And I'm stuck abroad too!

But I do love where we live, but lack of network etc is definitely a factor in me staying. The kids are the main reason though.

I chose my ex for much the same reasons.

Unfortunately he was an alcoholic so we split up, mainly because of that because otherwise I probably would have stayed with him, unhappily, but terrified of change (I'm autistic so like things to stay the same as much as possible)

3 years after we split I started fancying someone and he asked me out, which I'm still amazed about after nearly 2 years together. I love him, he's amazing, I've actually never felt like this about someone before. It made me sad that I settled for my ex, thinking no one else would ever want me. My new bloke makes me feel good every day.

Don't waste your time in an unhappy relationship would be my advice.

I married the ‘wrong’ man. Only because what I thought was ‘right’ at 15,16,18 years of age isn’t what I would have chosen at 28-30.

No, I feel the absolute opposite. I'm so in love with my husband and we've been together for 20 years. We spend most of our time together. He completes me. I love him so much it bloody hurts sometimes!

6 billion people in the world. Go find him. Don't waste your life with someone you don't have a meaningful connection with.

The problem with continuing in a marriage where you feel unfulfilled and unhappy is that it eats away at you.
My ex was similar in that he had nothing to say for himself, there was no conversation in him for many years which progressively got worse from when the children were small.
Similar to another poster I satisfied my desire to connect with people by seeing friends when I could. However you still come home to live with someone more or less silent.
I continued this way as I did not want to break up a family. Now divorced I wish I had left years ago when the children were young instead of dragging something out when he was never going to change. I had given up my career when they were small, I could have resumed that and yes things would have been tough but I would have eventually been in a much better financial situation and happier.

What do you want to hear OP?

I'm not asking in a nasty way. What do you think you should do? You have said yourself you don't want to leave.

Have you talked to him about counseling? Does he realise how unhappy you are? Do you want him to know?

Bring up the counseling again OP. Put your foot down about it. If he says ' oh, but I'm happy and I love you' your reply is 'well, I'm not happy'. Stick to it, and mean it. Counseling will help you to both communicate your needs, and if he can't do it, then he's not taking your marriage seriously enough. You need to get the love back in your communication and feel like you're not coming home to a moody brick wall.

Hmmm from your first post I thought maybe he is lovely but just not right for you (I'm assuming you name changed and the later posts are yours as well)

But later on how you've described him he sounds generally lazy and selfish eg not wanting your son to have his gaming stuff in his room but then getting annoyed at the noise, refusing to give him lifts everywhere, being grumpy etc....I think most people would find this difficult to live with, it sounds like he is treating his son as an inconvenience rather than someone he wants around and most people would find this hurtful

As a single person I genuinely find this difficult to understand. Why would you commit yourself to somebody for life and compromise for them day in day out if you don’t love them? Wouldn't being alone be better?
There are many many people who I DO love very much (my sisters for example) but I still wouldn’t want to live with. If you want to stay with him - are you quite sure that you don’t love him?

Don't break up your marriage just because you're yearning after excitement and novelty. I look at my retired couple friends and they've all been through tough times when they might have ended their relationship, for much more compelling reasons than you have. It's the ones who stuck with it who are leading the better lives now. And that goes for their now grown up dcs, too.

Just for balance.

To be honest marrying someone because they're nice and kind is a pretty good decision. Sadly those are not common traits. If he still is nice and kind, and there is respect between you, is there stuff the two of you can do to connect more as people? And are there other areas of life can can gain satisfaction such as friends or work?

Yes OP I know exactly how you feel. I got together with my DH because I had just got out of a long relationship that I thought was going somewhere but didn't. I was late 30's and he wanted marriage and children asap.
We didn't have time to get to know each other, we have nothing in common. He is rather selfish and a bit of a snob. We are living nearly separate lives but I can't leave him as the children are still very young and I love our home.

PS. I totally sympathise you didn't get that whirlwind romance but I am pretty sure not all do. ( I didnt)

People who say they no longer "fancy" their DH..... the thing is, you are ageing. A lot of those "romcom" feelings and behaviours are quite lust & hormone driven, and the reality is you are unlikely to replicate them between say, a perimenopausal woman and a man who is thinning on top and thickening in the middle.

A lifetime marriage is going to reach a point where one or both of you is fundamentally old, probably needing care, not sex.

It really depends what you want. More fun for now? Or something longer term, in which case be prepared for the fact that our bodies generally last our sex/lust drive and we have to live with what's left.

How long have you been feeling like this? Are you wondering of a life that could have otherwise been?

I'm not going to say leave him as life's too short etc because only you know the practicalities of it all, but it might be worth seeking some counselling and treading carefully.

I married the wrong man. Had 3 children with him and stuck it out for 20 years.

I understand completely how lonely it can feel to be in a relationship like yours OP.

For me it wasn't about finding someone else or wanting a 'romcom' I would like to have had someone who was right for me who wanted to be with me - we spent very little time doing things as a family as his several hobbies too priority over our children and me.

As it turned out I didn't remarry because I was happy with the children on my own; children are all in their late 30s/40s now and I live by myself; no problem with that.

Life's short, and if you're lonely and unhappy, it short and miserable and frankly what's the point. Why stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy.