Does anyone else feel like they've married the wrong person?

@Sunshinealligator he isn't financially inept. He knows exactly what he's doing. My father is financially inept. He owns nothing and has drained my mother dry but he was never savvy enough to get a car in his name or take the money from someone else's business. Your DH knows what he's doing. Please get help and get out.

Yes I used to feel like this about my exH. In fact I remember on a few occasions sobbing, thinking how can this be my husband, surely it's meant to be better than this?

To be fair, it was a lot worse perhaps than you are describing, which eventually gave the motivation to leave.

I didn't expect to meet anyone else, again thinking "I'm in my 30's with a young child, no decent man is going to be interested in me". However being alone was far preferable by then to being married and I was happy to accept that.

I met my DP a few months later in fact, which I was never expecting. He is fantastic and falling in love with him showed me that I had probably never been in love before. I've never felt this way about another person and wish I hadn't 'settled' previously, although if I hadn't I wouldn't have DD. I remember thinking that these deep loving relationships I saw in films and books, or some people professed to have weren't real. That really everyone probably felt like I did with EXH, that was real life. When I met DP I realised differently. It has always been so so easy with him, it just 'fits'.

I'm only 2 years in with DP, so perhaps that can't last forever but I still feel lucky to have him everyday. He truly brings out the best in me and I am the happiest I have ever been.

I think a lot of your practical problems are fixable by you, just by renting a garage or storage unit!! It spending X a month of storage would make your house so much better then go for it. Same with the car, if you told him you were going car shopping tomorrow and he can either come or you will choose, what could he actually do about it?!
The emotional stuff is trickier. For that, the best solution is to surround yourself with friends and not rely on him for emotional support. The other option is counselling.
The rules about the PlayStation are resolvable with headphones.

I did love my DH when we married but in hindsight we didn't have much in common and I'm not sure l loved him "enough" really or even fancied him.

Had 2 DC and we both were unhappy..... but not enough to split.

He then met OW and left me for her. We're both much happier and all get on well.

If he hadn't then we'd still probably be unhappily married

Firstly, sometimes People get married to an unwanted person due to some reason. it could be parents' advice or other issues.
After that, they compromise their whole life.

@sunshinealligator that's not just irresponsible, he's financially abusing you.

Honestly you'd be happier on your own with the kids. You don't have to have a man.

I too am not loving him the way I could / would. I can't even reply back when he says he loves me

To be honest, if a woman came on MN and said that her husband never said he loved her, they'd be told that they should bin him or worse. If your DH is telling you that he loves you, I'd take that and make the most of it.

It sounds to me that you married for the same reason as many of us do - we wanted to be married and have a family, and this nice kind man asked us, so we did it. And 15 years later we've got the marriage and the family but it's all a bit lacking . Not romantic, We don't feel like we're getting what we'd hoped for.

If he is still nice and kind, and good with the kids, I'd be trying to make the most of it . Get some couples counselling, go on some dates , weekends away. Don't throw this away because you miss what you never had . Bringing up kids on your own is no fun , leaving him would be a huge step if all that's lacking is some excitment.

Yes OP. I think a lot of people feel this way. I met my DH 11 years ago, I was impressed by what an even tempered and kind man he was. I genuinely like him as a person, but bitterly regret not paying heed to my first concerns about him. Hes a financially irresponsible procrastinator who will never be financially solvent- despite making good money.
In the 11 years we've been together, he has not once been in a position where he could obtain credit, and its largely fallen into the situation of, I take charge and pay for everything or it doesn't get done. Getting to the point where I can only see him holding me back, and I'm starting to feel that his kindness can't be as real as I've thought, given that his ineptitude has left me straddled with responsibilities that shouldn't be mine, and he's even stolen money from me. Somehow every joint account we've had hes put us into unplanned overdrafts and never paid back, he's used bank accounts of mine to set up payments and changed the log in details, thus locking me out, and even my own car is no longer in my own name. I financed it, I paid off the finance, and now he's the registered keeper.

I sometimes wish I hadn't have married him at all. I sometimes think that I have PTSD from the things he's put me through. Several years ago I set up a little business, he cancelled the car insurance on me, then stopped paying rent, I was giving him all I was earning and he was earning well. Yet I have no idea where that money went, but we were evicted- strangely I'm up worrying about us being evicted (I've paid our rent religiously on my own for years here, but same time of year so that fears just reverberating around my body)

I wish I'd have been with someone a little bit responsible.

This thread seems to be running double topics, or is it just me

I sort of know how you feel.
I'm in a similar situation, however a better one probably as my hubby helps out a lot with our 2 year old DD and we have a lot in common.
My problem is we're not very intimate, and never have been massively. Sex isn't at the top of our list. I won't go into it too much, but I do feel a bit trapped and resentful as I know if I left I'd be leaving for something really quite trivial in the grand scheme of things. After all, the rest of the relationship is great. But that one thing eats away at me.
Question is, do you presume a better person is out there? Yes I could get better sex, but could I find someone who's a great dad (to a child not his own), has as much in common as we do, has the same goals and ambitions, and shares a sense of humour?
I'm not sure.

Surprised no one is picking up on you saying he doesn't spend any time with you or the kids really. If he is leaving you to do the lions share of the parenting (and I'm guessing the housework too?) and withdrawing into moodiness then he is really not a great partner and this is not a good relationship to be modelling to your kids. He sounds very disrespectful and unloving. No wonder you don't feel loved and don't feel loving towards him. I know the thought of being alone is overwhelming but it really does sound like you'd be better off without him, and your kids would be way better off with a happy mum that they are not seeing being disrespected regularly. You would be entitled to shared assets and benefits. At the very least try to access counselling so you can build your confidence enough to know you deserve and can have happiness on your own.

Maybe this talk is for you:

OP I have the same situation! I rushed into my relationship then marriage to DP as I was flattered and absolutely love-bombed. He was so 'different' to all my previous partners so it was a very exciting start!

Turns out different means we're exact opposites He's a good man and I'm not miserable or anything, I just wish I had met someone more suitable, a best friend aswell as a life partner

Also concerning that the older he gets the more he is beginning to act like Victor Meldrew...

6 billion people in the world. Go find him. Don't waste your life with someone you don't have a meaningful connection with.

I always find it weird when people say stuff like this. It's not as if you're going to interview all 7.8 billion people on the planet. Realistically you're going to be limited to a few hundred who live nearby and who are roughly the right age and single. The OP has three children. She can't just romp the earth in search of her one true love.

I would seek counselling OP. Work out what you can and can't change and what you can live with. Kindness is a rare quality and there may be things you can build on. Ultimately splitting up might be best but with three kids, I'd really work on it first.

Do you have friends , OP?

Re your husband, to be honest it sounds like he sees you as vagina furniture. Of course he is content - he comes home to a family home, a woman who bore his children and does all the childcare... but he doesn't care about sharing his thoughts and feelings with you or to have any interest in yours.

All the issues of his you mentioned are surmountable and not uncommon. It sounds like he’s depressed. Are you a glamorous and fun person to be around? Do you have interesting things to tell him about or divide with him? Or is “how was work” every single day for 15 years the extent of it?