"Boston marriage" - any experience?

So the fathers financially contribute to their children? This may be impacted if you are cohabiting with someone?

This does sound amazing.

Will you be happy to bring up her children if she dies?

And will you be happy for her to bring up your children if you die?

Or will you have other family arrangements in place for either eventuality?

Sounds like a perfect arrangement to me. If further down the line it is still working, I would consider a civil partnership to sort out the finances. No one even needs to know about it.

It looks as though you’ve looked into it from an income tax perspective. Interest rates are likely to rise and her mortgage rate may change as she has to get permission to rent the house out. There are a lot of on costs with being a ll. Rules, regs including needing to file a tax return. Will she bear those costs alone? Will she use an agent?

What happens if the tenant doesn’t pay? Or she has to take them to court? She needs to get insurance in this event. It does happen. I’m a ll and some tenants really know how to work the system and force you to the bailiff stage. As in tenant with good income and credit rating moves in then doesn’t pay a bean. It happens.

The tenant could also trash the place. Then as someone mentioned, there is the implication of CGT. As she has only this property, can she continue to claim this as her PPR even if she doesn’t live there? It does apply in certain cases. We were allowed to do it when living abroad and renting out our former home. This was several years ago and CGT rules have changed and continue to change. She needs to get proper legal advice on that too.

Then there’s her security as a number of people have mentioned. She needs a fixed term tenancy to protect her. She’s taking more risk than you as she will only be a permitted occupier and getting her tenants out can be a long and costly process.

I think it would only work with very clear boundaries around who disciplines, makes decisions etc for both sets of children. Otherwise it enters into “blended families” territory and that does become difficult.

I agree with the PP that all of the children need to have “chilling with mum” time and space.

“Let’s all hang out together” is great for a holiday but less so every single day

I think it sounds brilliant. I'd give it a 6 month trial and if by then you both decide it's not for you, then your friend could find a house nearby so as to still share some of the benefits of cohabiting, such as a nanny, without disrupting schooling.

Sounds amazing! I've thought about this before as well! In the end my friend and I didn't need to, but it was a possibly for a while! So I'm all for it! Some friends genuinely just do get along well together. It's not for everyone. So not everyone would think it's a good idea. But only you truly know the friendship you have.

I say go for it! Good financial decision.

No matter what you decide, I wouldn't make a final decision before at least one month trial run.

Sounds perfect.go for it.I always think,reading the many threads here,how useless and also very unpleasant men are(not all,but it is def not a rarety).Your set up could be the norm and the world would look more peaceful with happier children.I wish you two all the very best.

You will both me step parents, a quick glance at the step parenting board will tell you how rarely that works out.

Haven't read all the comments. Sounds totally awesome. I'm on my own with 6yo, there is no father (bring it on Aibu bitches, say what you want because I won't be checking back). The one commitment I would want from anyone I did this with was that they would honour my child's relationship with their child, whatever happened. Eg, me and the friend fall out, our kids still get to be mates if they want....one mum meets the partner of their dreams, the kids still get to have the relationship they need, even tho this may mean an adjustment. Also what's your plan b if it goes tits up, financially, housing wise? Do not buy property with someone without having a Compromise Agreement drawn up before you buy, otherwise you cannot sell without their permission.

It sounds a brilliant idea, OP. If the worst comes to the worst and either of you wants to leave, what have you lost? And if it works as it should you have all gained a much more enjoyable life.

I’d love DH and me to do this with close friends when we are older and partners are dying off, so when one of us dies the other will be still surrounded by love.

Sounds like a great idea.. I think you really need to trial it first though.

Could your friend air bnb her house for 6 months to get some income from it but also can go straight back home if it doesn't work out to save an awkward notice period.

I think you'll get on each other's wick pretty sharpish.
A weekend stay is nothing like being forced to share a house.
It'll start with the different parenting styles...oh we don't put carrots in our Bolognese. Oh coco pops ahhh I don't let mine eat that sugary shit. Next it'll be well I told mine she had to turn it off in 5 mins. Cue child saying thats not fair they are allowed have the tablet how come we aren't.
Can we have pizza? Yes, No. Oh wait they aren't allowed people pizza tonight sorry about that.
Next it'll be she forgot to record your tv show. Or hates what you want to watch.
So yeah, terrible idea!! Don't even think about it.

Sounds great and I think if more single mums teamed up, everyone would benefit. Economies of scale and shared responsibility. Good luck!

I know it was super long, but do have a look at the post I made earlier.

I did this when my girls were younger and all the big things we sat and worked out, but the little things made it a disaster.

Christmas presents and ketchup were the two things that caused the final rows - I'm not even kidding. As ridiculous as they sound they were the proverbial straws.

It's the small shit that's likely to cause rows and resentment.

Reminds me of Kate and Allie

Will your friend and her children ever truly feel like your house is home? It’s quite likely it’ll always be your house rather than “our” house.

In share situations sometimes the financial cost is worth the other benefits

Friends did this for a couple of years but soon met partners, so situation changed. Still good friends though!

As a PP said, if only people put as much thought into moving into 'standard' hetero relationships/co-living arrangements!

This sort of arrangement is kind of in my/our long term future I think. DH's sister is single and intends to remain so, she is in many ways a third parent to our children and we have recently started discussing buying a house that would have enough room for DH and I, and SIL (plus of course the children, who would be adults by this time).

If DH died first in that scenario I could see quite happily continuing to live with SIL.

Why struggle alone, when you can pool resources and live more comfortably? Who decided that the hetero/nuclear family is the 'best/normal' type of family?