Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"Boston marriage" - any experience?

314 replies

abostonfiancee · 20/11/2021 20:52

In the historical understanding - i.e. two women living together as a household, or even a family unit, but without the underlying romantic / sexual relationship.

Discussed it with an old friend (we know each other for 20+ years), firstly as a joke, but then it actually turned into a serious discussion... and then into planning. We used to flat-share during the student years, and then were often on-off coach-surfing at each other's places for a couple of weeks at a time, and just joked that it was the healthiest and the most pleasurable co-habitation experience both of us have ever had (including our marriages). We get along extremely well together, all our friendship teething problems are (hopefully) well in the past.

We both are single mothers in professional jobs (same industry too), our children are approximately same age and are good friends. The housing and childcare costs are crippling us both, and we both are very lonely. No intention from any of us to remarry or even live with a man again until our children are much older.

Any obvious drawbacks to the plan?

OP posts:
abostonfiancee · 20/11/2021 21:02

@nimbuscloud

Would your children want to live together ?
To be completely honest, hard to tell. They are all pre-school / early primary.... At that age, even my own two who are full siblings do not want to live with each other one day, and then are inseparable the next day.

We probed the ground gently so far with several weekend / long weekend stays, and it was very positive.

OP posts:
thisplaceisweird · 20/11/2021 21:01

Scenario planning sounds like a good idea, I would also ensure you're both having Frank discussions individually with the children to ensure any concerns are taken into account and addressed

NuffSaidSam · 20/11/2021 21:00

Do you have the same parenting style? How would you fit into each others children's lives? I think there is potential for problems there.

Sounds great though and no more complicated than any other family set up.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 20/11/2021 20:59

sounds great!
you've already got a good track record living together so why the heck not?

It's unclear to me whether it'd be just the two of you or kids involved as well - if the latter you can only know if the children would be happy with this or not.
If it's just you two then definitely go for it! best of luck

BrieAndChilli · 20/11/2021 20:59

It depends, will you be renting? If so that makes it simpler if someone wants out at any point but if buying together that makes it complicated if someone does meet a partner and wants them over all the time etc.

FriedaKleinsCat · 20/11/2021 20:59

I think it sounds brilliant. You’d want to have a very honest, realistic conversation about the practicalities and eventualities - what will you do if one of you does meet someone you want to live with? What will you do if your kid actually hate living with each other? (Being friends is different to being housemates for your kids as well as you.) But overall I’d be all for it myself.

JoanOgden · 20/11/2021 20:58

Sounds good, but make sure you do lots of scenario planning in case of a fallout or one of you meeting the love of your life.

abostonfiancee · 20/11/2021 20:58

@Caterinasballerinas

Sounds ideal. Maybe draw up an agreement where you have regular check points to see if you are happy continuing.
Yes, good idea!
OP posts:
WayneBruce · 20/11/2021 20:57

I can imagine financially it would make alot on sense on a day to day basis.

Only complications I can think of is housing and wills when one of you dies eventually. You'd just need to make sure your kids are sorted in that respect. This is if you're planning on buying together.

ToffeePennie · 20/11/2021 20:57

This sound incredible! Do it!

nimbuscloud · 20/11/2021 20:57

Would your children want to live together ?

DoYouRememberTheInnMiranda · 20/11/2021 20:56

Agreement from me too. I'd love to do this with my bf, though I do love living with my DH more tbh, but if he weren't around (and her DH too) I'd be totally up for this.
Really hope you two make it work. Never heard that name for it before, but I'm sure I've read magazine articles about it in the past working well.

Caterinasballerinas · 20/11/2021 20:56

Sounds ideal. Maybe draw up an agreement where you have regular check points to see if you are happy continuing.

nancybotwinbloom · 20/11/2021 20:54

Normalise this. It sounds amazing. I just need to work out what to do with my DH