"Boston marriage" - any experience?

A friend of mine did this after her very difficult divorce from a very controlling man. It worked out really well for her and her house partner. All the kids are grown up now and away at uni, and they have both moved on, but it gave them both stability and security for many years. They are still close friends.

OP I love this idea
Don't tell DP...

Seriously though, like most things, the first thing that strikes me is money. It would work best in neighbouring homes so the children could have their own family life, and that goes right back to needing an abundance of money.

As do most things sadly.

Amazing idea, go for it. A bit less unusual but I bought my first flat with an old school friend when we were both single and couldn't afford to get on the housing ladder alone. Everyone told it was a bad idea but it was one of my best decisions ever, personally and financially - we bought, did up and lived in a lovely little place for a couple of years, then she moved in with a new boyfriend and I bought her out. We both had a lovely home, had fun and made a profit. You just need to get the legalities right and work as a team.

I think if you could agree a full set of “house rules” for the children it could work. If you can’t agree those (like rules around homework, and bedtimes, and routines and chores etc) then it’s better to live next door to one another. I can’t see how different rules for the children would work within the same household.

What happens re. childcare if one wants to go out without the other? Will you be happy looking after all the children?

What if one of you does meet someone and decides to break the agreement?

Sounds great to me !

Are your incomes similar so you can share the bills? If not how would these be split? Would you each cook for everyone or just your own kids? How will you share the “wife work”?

Would anyone worry about teenagers of the opposite sex who are not siblings living together? Or is that a bit paranoid?

There was an incredible thread I read somewhere about this once (not Mumsnet, might have been AITA on Reddit?) where a few single women all lived in adjacent houses and basically turned it into kind of a commune and went to all family occasions and holidays together as if they were each other’s significant others (except there were three of them). It sounded absolutely incredible and if I were ever in your situation, and with the right person, I would do it in a heartbeat.

If the house is big enough for everyone to fit comfortably, I think this could be a brilliant set up. I would also love to have this living arrangement, but currently have a similar problem to Nancy earlier in the thread....

I had a lovely patient a couple of years back. She had a beautiful house and always lamented how quiet it had become since the death of her husband. She had a good friend (whose husband had also died at a similar time) who she would try to meet for coffee, but with their health they each found it increasingly difficult. Eventually she invited the friend to move in with her.
They were fab, I loved going round.

You’d need to plan for what would happen if the arrangement ended either due to falling out or one of you meeting someone.

I also think you’d need to discuss parenting. Obviously you’d parent your own children, but equally if the children are similar ages and you both have different rules about what they can/can’t do, or expectations around chores etc you could cause some friction between the kids. Also to what level are you happy with one person disciplining the other’s child. If your child is rude to her when you’re not there for example, can she speak to them about that. If they’re very rude or repeatedly misbehaving, can she enforce a punishment. And vice versa you with her kids.

Its brilliant. I would think kids & bedtimes plus parenting styles re punishment, grounding, electronics and attitudes to trying foods might be the only sticky bit… and I do think it could be confusing if one person tells off or reprimands the others child. Also, how will you both get your own privacy or quiet time? (Then again, I’m an introvert so might not apply…) If you get on well, quite easy going, either both lazy or both on the same page re housework and chores then go for it!

Sounds great till things go wrong. What if one of your gets a partner? Gets back with an ex? Wants friends over? Would you be renting or buying together? how old are the children and would they want to live together? Would you have a house big enough for a separate lounge/sofa area for each family for space- all squished into 1 room every night?

I would do a trial 6 months or so with break clause.

Also definitely have clear wills in place and see a professional to sort. Would you rent or buy?

I have been thinking the same recently - I wondered if there is a way to have a relationship with a woman but not sexual, as I’m not a lesbian. This sounds ideal! I didn’t know it had a name.