"Boston marriage" - any experience?

@abostonfiancee
How did it all pan out? Are you happily living and co parenting together?

Barb and star go to vista del mar reminded me of this thread last night.
It's a comedy with Kirsten wig in.

Have had this sort of conversation with my close friends. We would like to buy a b&b or small hotel so we each had our own space, some communal space and a guest suite or two so that visiting children/ grandchildren/ other friends were catered for and we'd have to book it out in advance like an Airbnb 🤣

We'd have a small staff to look after the housekeeping and grounds. And maybe cooking.

I so hope it will happen!

I think the most likely stumbling block will be the co-parenting. You need to be sure that you are absolutely on the same page with parenting and that, if there are conflicts, you would be able to treat each other's children exactly the same as your own.

I'm the other way around, not a chance in hell with family but could easily live with friends.

I think it's a brilliant idea. I also plan to do this at some point in the future! It's a perfect set up! Good luck.

Sounds good to me, my friend and I said if we were both single older in life we will do this! (Actually both happy in relationships with dp's following divorce)

I think this sounds like a great idea!

This sounds absolute hell to me, I would rather be poor and live alone. I really could not think of anything worse. I could do it with family but not with a friend, it makes me shudder just thinking about it (I really do like my friends) but good god just absolutely no.

I have two lots of friends who live like this... Because they had hippy parents and are used to communal spaces. They love it.

Nancybotwinbloom : Normalise this. It sounds amazing. I just need to work out what to do with my DH

Haha brilliant! Was just thinking the same .

OP, sounds like a great idea! You've obviously thought it through and know each other well enough to know that you can live in peace together. Great way to dispel the loneliness and a fab plan for making some savings.

Of course they'll be teething problems - like in any other set up in the world. Being alone/with a man/living with elderly parents etc etc will all have its ups and downs. Not sure you should over-plan this - maybe just go with it? Would love to hear how it goes! This could be the way of the future for many women.....

Hi @abostonfiancee no experience but sounds so sensible I am wondering why people don’t do it? May I ask what country you and your friend are from (feel free not to answer of course) as I am just wondering if you are from someone with a more liberal outlook and that’s why this unusual but practical solution appeals and you are not bothered about being mistaken for a same sex couple (again very sensible but I think it would be an issue for many). I’m guessing maybe the Netherlands? Good luck with your plan!

I had a friend who when she broke up with her husband, she moved to the top floor, her kids stay on the middle level where the kitchen was and her ex moved into the bottom floor. Could you do something like this? Each family has bedrooms separately to the other and maybe just share a kitchen/lounge?

I've had conversations with friends about what we'd do if left widowed and there are several of us who fancy this idea. I would hate to end up elderly and living alone.

Go for it, OP, just get some sound legal advice and contracts drawn up so you both know where you stand.

@Maskless
I would absolutely love to be in a Boston marriage with a woman. Shame there isn't a dating app for that!

Now there's a business idea!!

I think this is a great idea and if I had a friend I could live with I d probably do the same it would be lovely to spend time sharing life with a friend, didn’t know it had a name though x

@abostonfiancee

I’ve never heard the term “Boston marriage,” but your situation sounds wonderful, perfect!
I’d jump at the chance.

I have a friend, her husband is dying. That’s the plain truth, no getting out of it, no hope, sadly. We’ve had the conversation about sharing a home, strictly friendship and cutting our expenses in half.
We’re in the States and the medical bills have almost bankrupted them. She’s going to have to deal with losing her beloved and having no money at the same time. The bills are in the $250,099+ after insurance pays. It’s all-consuming and overwhelming. I can’t imagine.

It would help us both, plus my friend needs a ton of support right now and in the future.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Re FWB arrangement (different people i hasten to add) Now that would be VERY modern if it was the same one/ones 😅

I think if you can make this work it's a great idea. I had 2 single parent friends who lived very close to eachother and they and their kids were very close. The had a similar arrangement but in different houses.

Both were very practical, motivated and matter of fact women, sorted emotionally so no power games or BS. They used to jokingly refer to eachother as their wife but it was definately platonic. They got more support from eachother than their emotionally stunted EXHs ever gave. It worked well for them and they could easily have shared a house. I was a single parent at the time and often envied their set up but I'm very intolerant of people and need my own space.

Good luck, hope it works out. Good idea to rent the other house out, a good safety net.

I think it sounds fantastic! Go for it, the house that is being rented out is still there if needs be so maybe start with a 6 month trial! X

In my experience, women are more likely to work together as a team and be supportive. I had a particularly unsupportive husband so my opinion may be skewed. But I think it’s a fabulous idea. Providing you are pretty equal - one is not particularly bossy or grumpy or subservient, or super lazy / super non stop. I have often day dreamed about having an arrangement like this, I would love to do the same, and would if the opportunity arose.

Don't have any useful advice, just wanted to say that it sounds great. You've come up with a great, well thought out plan and I hope it works really well.

Is it bad that I’m jealous I don’t have a friend I could do this with? 😂.

(Removing the fact that I don’t have ANY friends!) 😂😂

A friend and I talk like this often. We're both single mums and have school age kids. Both professional women, so very similar situation. I think there's still a part of her that's waiting for a knight in shining armour to come along... but I'm so done.

This is not new. When i was first practicing in the NHS in the 70's, it was very common to meet pairs of ladies who were not gay but who had been widowed or never had a chance of marriage or one or both had lost fiances in WW2. Some had children, although they were of course grown up when I met their Mums. It wasn't my business of course to pry into how the finances were organised. As time went on and the male-female population balance righted itself there were less couples like this and of course the older ones died. In case anyone is wondering, we also did meet gay couples of both sexes. When we got to know them and visited them often, it wasn't difficult to get a feel for the difference....and I don't just mean cropped hair and Dic Martins!