To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

OP It might interest you to know that I dropped out of high school at 15 because I just couldn't handle study, felt stupid, got into trouble, all the wrong boys blah blah.

At about 16 I got a job as an office junior, saved up.

Went to work in an American summer camp (similar to what you are describing), got a taste for travel.

Travelled the world on a wish and a prayer once I was old enough (and did all sorts of things my parents never need to know about ), working all over the place, worked my way up to Practice Manager in a large international law firm.

Did a law degree in my 30s and am now a well paid Government lawyer. There is no way I would have been able to study like I did in my teens/20s.

I now live quite a dull life in the suburbs, in a standard house, with two children BUT it is most satisfying to have had those adventures. My eldest is now approaching 18 and I hope that with the pandemic appearing to move to a different phase he will get to do a bit of travelling like I (and my eventual partner) did.

Your DH needs to understand that he won't clip her wings. What he will do is make her leave him behind in more than just the physical sense.

As she will be responsible for herself, she needs a crash course in personal safety drills for all scenarios. unpleasant as this is, start with the Suzy Lamplugh trust and then websites for travellers. There are probably courses she can attend on personal safety and self-defence too.

I'd say this advice would be as important to dd if she were to stay in her backwater town full of closed minded, frustrated and bored inhabitants or move the local university city. UK isn't exactly the safest pancetta for young women as is sadly seen tine and time again in the news (and plenty not reported too)

@Redrosesandsunsets while that's incredibly sad and shocking, it's very unlikely to affect OP's DD's experience

Sounds an amazing opportunity and Canada sounds like a wonderful place to live. I actually wish I'd done the same at her age instead of moving to an eu holiday resort. Well done to your dd for being so on the ball in general and doing all the research

I just wanted to say that your DD sounds brilliant. I can’t believe she’s been planning this for two years! But it’s a great indication of how motivated she is, and that she’s willing to take responsibility for her life.

It might be an idea to look up the last part of Roald Dahl’s book ‘Boy’. He writes about how he was offered a job in Africa and, full of excitement, told his mother. He and his mother were very close, and of course at the time a trip to Africa would have been much more than a few hours on a plane. But her response was to say, ‘That’s wonderful, darling!’ He realised in retrospect how difficult that must have been for her, but at the time he was just so pleased to have her support, and it gave him the courage to go on this adventure. I’ve always remembered that part of his story because I moved abroad when I was 20 and basically haven’t been home since for any real length of time. My dad has always been so supportive and happy to do whatever he can to help me, even though I’m sure he much rather have his daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren much closer (especially his son-in-law: he adores my husband). It’s part of why we still have such a good relationship, regardless of distance. I hope I can support my children in the same way if they choose a similar path.

I moved abroad at 16 for the first time alone and never moved back. Moving abroad was an absolute life changer for me and it opened up so many doors I never would have imagined would ever open for me. I am so so grateful I have been able to live and work in a big amount of different countries, learn different languages, adapt to different cultures and make friends from all over the world.

I left at 16 completely lost, shy and utterly depressed and now a decade later, i have found myself/my strengths, learned excellent skills and now have a pretty good international career. The decision to move abroad at 16 was the making of me and I would do it 100 times again without hesitation.

Support your daughter. You have no idea what doors may open for her thanks to it.
My family sure didn’t and I think they feel a bit sheepish for being nay-sayers and trying to hold me and my projects back knowing where I have actually ended.

Your husband sounds like my sister’s husband. He’s killed her career because he couldn’t envisage moving for work. Now she does a junior job at his workplace (she has a science PhD). It’s infuriating. Please don’t let him do this to your daughter.

I'm from Canada and a bunch of my friends went to Australia on this type of visa. In Canada, our ski hills are all run by young Aussies... You'd think you were in Australia when you're out there. It's a wonderful experience for a young person.

Honestly OP I think if it works out she'll be fine and if it doesn't she'll also be fine!

I nannied in Canada at 17. It was actually a pretty awful experience (although I got to spend Xmas skiing with cousins!). But I came back to the UK a very different and more confident person.

The following Autumn my parents packaged me off to finishing school secretarial college in London. Surrounded by debutantes I had absolutely nothing in common with I also hated it, but it again increased my resilience and confidence no end!

Because of these experiences I've often said to my late teens that, at that age, life's little disappointments typically grow you and really make you the adult person you are now.

I don't think you need to worry too much. Youngsters are like Teflon!

I did the working visa thing in Canada at 20 (I did go with a friend) and we had a fantastic time. Also went backpacking in Africa and that was amazing too. Another friend is just back from a hospitality placement in Canada and absolutely loved it. Obviously worrying about your children is normal but it is a great experience.

Your daughter has done her research.

Loads of 18 / 19 year olds go on working holiday visas to Australia, NZ and Canada every year.

I've done it, though I was slightly older (older than most who do it).

Its a fantastic life experience and makes you stand out as having something about you even if you didn't go to university.

In fact, when I did it the people I travelled with and got on best with were the people who hadn't gone to university and had gone to work straight out of school instead. These were people who weren't typically middle class. There were a surprising number for whom a working holiday visa was an alternative to university.

Luckily your DH has no say in the matter.
It's brilliant! I did the same at 18 and ended up spending a few years in 4 different countries.
It will totally open up her whole world. And yours! You must be incredibly proud!

Sounds like a great idea, one of my teacher friends has just emigrated to Dubai in a similar scheme, she is having a ball over there!

Just to follow having read some more of your posts OP, I'm from a Northern ex-mining community too where a lot of people my age are still there, still in the local pub on a Friday night, married to someone from school, doing the same jobs, never so much as met anyone from outside the nearest city.

Your girl will meet people from all over the world and open up amazing opportunities for herself (even if that's just travelling cheaply with friends to stay with across the world, as I've done over the years). She'll gain a wealth of life experience just through meeting people with a different background to her own.

Now's the time for you to stand beside her and back her up against your DH's negativity. This time next year he'll be bragging about his brilliant independent Daughter and all she's getting to experience abroad.

Oh my gosh OP she'll have an absolute ball!

Well done to her for having the guts and gumption to sort it out for herself. I left home for a 'summer job' when I was 20, albeit closer to home, and it's one of the best things I ever did.

Oh to be 19 again!

Sorry I’m going on but I’m having such a proud mum moment

And so you should - clearly you've raised a good 'un there, and don't forget to give yourself credit for that too

I think you can be very proud of your dd.

I'm glad you've come around, OP. I haven't read more than the first and latest page but it's really awful when parents who have never travelled or done much try to stop their kids branching out and moving abroad out of fear. I worked in New York for several months when I was a bit older than your daughter and also did a year abroad during uni and it was the making of me. I lived all over the world after that and had some amazing experiences I never would have had if I'd been afraid to leave home. She sounds sensible and I'm sure she'll have a brilliant time, and if it doesn't work out, she can always just come back. Better to try and fail than never try, I say!

@MiddayMass -what a lovely post 😀

Good for her - fantastic opportunity.

You know the small mining town thing - there's probably quite a few kids like your dd that with a tiny bit of encouragement from their families would be willing to expand their horizons...

I did this 15 years ago but reverse (Canada to Ireland). Was amazing.

I can confirm I am in Canada and these jobs definitely exist near me and are full of Brit's, Aussies and kiwis living their best life. Let her go and support her.

Good for you, and good for her!