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Original poster

To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

585 replies

MiddayMass · 15/11/2021 02:19

She has 0 connections in Canada. She isn’t particularly academic and uni is her idea of hell but works in hospitality and thrives in that role. The restaurant she works at offered her a manager on duty promotion not long after she started because of how on the ball she is.

All her friends went off to uni in September and I think she’s feeling like it’s time to make a drastic change in her own life too. Which I understand. I thought maybe she’d move into a house share with other young people or something.

Today over dinner she revealed that Canada do a 2 year ‘Working Holiday’ visa for certain countries. You don’t need to be a professional or have a degree, you can go over and work in hospitality just fine. As long as you have somewhere to live, a couple of grand in the bank (she has savings) and health insurance you’re fine. She’s says she’s been looking into it and has already signed up with an agency and has paid fees to go and work on a ski resort this Winter with live-in accommodation. She’s insisted it’s all legit and that she has done all of her research.

To be honest, I smiled about it to her face but I’m scared shitless. Do such jobs actually exist? I’m worried it’s dodgy. She will have no connections in Canada. She insists that the agency has in-country support and that she’s in a Facebook group with other girls her own age who are going to the same town, and that they all plan to meet up once they are there etc. There’s even talk of some of them maybe getting a flat-share as she doesn’t want to be in the hotel accommodation for the full 2 years. She honestly doesn’t seem worried at all. I’m not sure why she chose Canada specifically. Apparently Europe wasn’t drastic enough, she’s not interested in Asia or Africa, Oceania is too far from home and she ‘wouldn’t be seen dead in the USA in its current state’ so she ended up with Canada.

DH isn’t happy either and says he’ll be worried about her, and has suggested that we try and talk her out of it. I don’t want to do that as she is an adult but I am terrified. How would you feel? I never really left my home town or travelled. At DD’s age I was pregnant with her brother and living in a flat 5 minutes away from my parents and so the idea of jetting off to another continent alone at that age is unthinkable to me. I’m not saying I’d rather she was pregnant at 19 living in a grotty flat, I just mean it’s all so foreign to me because I was in such a different situation at her age so I don’t know if my fear is rational or not.

OP posts:
redtshirt50 · 15/11/2021 05:19

You and your DH can go and visit her - maybe then he'll understand a bit more about why she wants to get out and explore the world.

His attitude stinks

Dita73 · 15/11/2021 05:18

Your daughter sounds like one of the smartest 19 year olds I’ve ever heard of! She’s brilliant! Of course you’re not being unreasonable to be worried,any parent would be but it’s just so fantastic she wants to do things with her life. Be proud of yourself more than anything that you’ve raised such an independent woman. She’ll have a brilliant time

Chiffandbip · 15/11/2021 05:16

It’s very normal for people to work in ski resorts with accommodation thrown in for hospitality workers.
I did the same age 20 (but to NZ) it was the best thing ever. I met loads of lovely people, saw lots of beautiful places and it gave me loads of self confidence having had a crap time at school for years.
I know it’s hard for you as she’s your daughter and you’ll worry but it’s perfectly normal. Good on her being brave!

CantThinkOfaUserNameAgain · 15/11/2021 05:15

I did something similar after uni. Landed a great job for 12 months as a gap year. Ended up staying in the country & have spent my whole adult life here.

Am working for an international organisation and have a lovely life and kids and married here.

She may never come back :) but please let her fly - best choice I ever made.

Kuachui · 15/11/2021 05:13

@smoko Is it? :S ive never met a australian in england in all my life literally not 1, once met a kiwi on holiday but thats it... and ive lived all over england including 3 of the biggest cities, am i missing something?

grapewine · 15/11/2021 05:11

At least you're coming around. Your husband is being ridiculous. She's an adult. I hope she doesn't let him ruin it for her.

HariboBrenshnio · 15/11/2021 05:10

I did Australia at 18 alone. I have many friends who worked the resorts in Canada like you're daughter - it's a great plan!

Liverbird77 · 15/11/2021 05:08

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

FelicityPike · 15/11/2021 05:03

It’s CANADA not somewhere like Afghanistan or Syria.
Let her go. She sounds very level headed. Best of luck to her.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 15/11/2021 05:02

Your husband sounds ridiculous

I moved to Vancouver Canada at 20
Alone - got a work visa for a year with no job lined up

Loves in a Hostel for 2 weeks, traipsed the streets applying for jobs, found a place to live with some other people from the hostel

Then moved around the country over the next year making new friends, exploring, working various jobs

It was an amazing experience and really grew up on that trip

Your daughter sounds great and she’s already got work lined up - good for her !!

Don’t let your husband ruin it :(

PrincessNutella · 15/11/2021 05:00

Your daughter is obviously interested in doing this, since she found out about it herself. It's a great idea to let her try.

NeverTheHootenanny · 15/11/2021 04:58

Glad you’re coming round to the idea OP. Just brace yourself for the possibility that she never comes back to live in her home town. Once you’ve had your eyes opened it’s hard to go back to small town life. I think my Mum always assumed I would go home after Uni/Travel and was upset when I never did.

Original poster
MiddayMass · 15/11/2021 04:53

See, my issues with it come from a place of concern. Irrational I know and I’ll work on it but I can still see the appeal for her and can see why she’s excited for it. DH can’t. I think he’s going to be a pain in the arse with it and I’ll have to try and nip it in the bud.

His speech earlier contained:

‘Waste of money’
‘We’re lucky to live in the U.K. and have everything we need, why would you bother going somewhere else?’
‘It’s probably one of them dodgy jobs where they take your passport upon arrival and make you work for free’ (I was worried about it being dodgy but not to that extent, I was more thinking about the agency maybe being an online scam and her arriving to no job.)
‘Who emigrates alone? You’ll be bored and we will be worried.’
‘Just spend your money on a house deposit here.’

OP posts:
Midlifemusings · 15/11/2021 04:51

Is she going to Whistler?

IcedCoffeeAlways · 15/11/2021 04:48

Sounds like an amazing opportunity for her @MiddayMass 😊 and well done to you DD for putting in the effort to research properly and look for a reputable agency etc! Sounds like it’s something she really really wants to do!

I think it’s normal to feel a bit apprehensive at the prospect of her being so far away but I’m sure once she’s there and settled and made some friends you’ll feel much better.

I’d help her research insurance and make sure she takes out a really good one. Also, think of any emergencies - you’ve said you’re confident she’d have the money to get home quickly if needed etc which is great. For me, I know I’d also feel more comfortable knowing that me/DH/both of us were able to get to her if needed too so I’d be making sure we had some money aside for flights and expenses and passports were well within date etc JUST incase. I’m sure it’s very very unlikely you’d ever need it but it would definitely make me feel a bit more comfortable 😊

PurBal · 15/11/2021 04:44

Wow! What a brilliant opportunity. Much more sensible than backpacking or interrailing (I used to live is Asia, too many newspaper reports of gap year students getting into trouble). I always wish I’d done one of these visas but I’m too old now.

Original poster
MiddayMass · 15/11/2021 04:42

I definitely think keeping a few hundred pounds aside will help ease my worries a bit once she’s gone. I’ve just thought of that idea now.

My biggest worry would be her ending up in some kind of crisis over there with no money to come home, unlikely I know but you hear about this stuff. Or for me to go out there if ever necessary.

As I said, for my own peace of mind more than anything as I can’t bear the thought of something happening and her being stuck of me not being able to go to her.

But she’s got a good head on her shoulders and I’m sure most likely it won’t need to be used. It’s to benefit me by settling my worries more than it is to benefit her Grin

OP posts:
PurpleOkapi · 15/11/2021 04:41

Teens go to far scarier places than Canada during their gap years. And for the most part, they love the experience and greatly benefit from it.

smoko · 15/11/2021 04:38

Would you have been happier right now if she said she was pregnant? The world is changing,. 25 seems young to settle down.

Not leaving your hometown, why would you assume she'd never want to leave?

Sometimes parents map out how they think child's lives should be or what's "best" for them. It seems you may have had these ideals but open to accepting that your daughter has higher hopes for herself + support her dreams, even if they aren't what you have chosen for her. Good for you.

Just because your husband doesn't see the point of travel, that's for him to deal with & it sounds like he must be aware that he has a small town mindset. Many people enjoy travel & want to experience different cultures....surely he can try to understand that his viewpoint is personal, it doesn't make him "right".

I think if he grumbles you could just diffuse the tension by saying "Oh love your father's just worried & going to miss you, like we all are." etc

mangowithasqueezeoflime · 15/11/2021 04:33

@immersivereader

bunac.org/working-holidays/canada/work-canada

^^

It'll be this. Though to be fair she'd be better getting the visa herself then just applying on the IntraWest website. Bunac is expensive

I did BUNAC for my first one for the in country support and then did them on my own for the others:

I did UK (2x) and met exH
Canada
Australia
NZ

I had professional jobs for all of them too although entry level in publishing probably pays worse than hospitality!

I'm an only child and my parents didn't have passports themselves for years.

The only bad thing that came of it was I married a foreigner or two and had their grandbaby abroad. I live in UK now which is foreign to us but home to me.

You have to let them fly sometimes.

Original poster
MiddayMass · 15/11/2021 04:31

She has plenty of money (all her doing, she’s a great saver and puts me to shame) so I’m not worried about her being able to get a flight back if she hates it or gets in a mess. I’d probably ringfence a few hundred though for my own peace of mind just in case of the possibility of her being left with no money and needing to come home.

OP posts:
TomBradysLeftKneecap · 15/11/2021 04:28

She is exactly the right age to go live abroad, explore the world and become herself. So, yes. She should go to Canada.

Honestly, what’s happened to the world that this is regarded something to worry about? I was 18 when I first moved abroad and didn’t know a soul. It was brilliant!

Original poster
MiddayMass · 15/11/2021 04:23

*sorted the visa not the fee

OP posts:
Original poster
MiddayMass · 15/11/2021 04:22

Yeah, I wasn’t an ambitious teenager unfortunately and neither was her brother. We’re from quite an insular small town. It’s only in the past 10 years I’d say that going to uni stopped being unusual for the kids from the town. The norm here is settled with kids by 25. Nobody in our circle has done anything like this which is why I’m so taken aback. For some reason I just assumed she’d stay here forever like most people.

I’ll try and get a grip and be excited for her. I think DH will be an issue as he’s really not happy. He won’t directly stop her but he’s going to be moaning about it. He’s quite a salt of the earth bloke and just doesn’t ‘get’ it, why she’d want the fuss when where we live is perfectly fine and the family are here bla bla bla.

Yes she’s going with Bunac. She could have easily sorted the fee herself but Bunac offered her a guaranteed job and I think that was the appeal. It was only around £400.

I can see her going far in hospitality and progressing to management quickly, it’s her niche. @Ginmaker Bloody well done to your friend! That sounds like DD’s dream

OP posts:
zoemum2006 · 15/11/2021 04:18

I’m so jealous. I wish I’d done this at her age.

Try and support her on this if you can.