To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

He can’t control your DD and lead her life for her. From what you say, she will go anyway, regardless of his grumbling. He can either be an enthusiastic supporter and stay close to her her, or he can be a controlling killjoy and alienate her , possibly for life.

His choice.

Apparently Europe wasn’t drastic enough, she’s not interested in Asia or Africa, Oceania is too far from home and she ‘wouldn’t be seen dead in the USA in its current state’ so she ended up with Canada.

Trust me, she'll be far safer and have a much easier time in a ski resort in Canada than in Asia, Africa or many parts of the US!

It's odd that you worry about her going to Canada yet you are questioning why she chosen there over the other places you list.

For some reason I just assumed she’d stay here forever like most people.

Is that really the future you wanted for her?

Your description of your DH's attitude to this is awful tbh. Poor girl, with her dad guilt tripping her for wanting to go out into the world and live her life. A dad who thinks she should settle for a small life just because he did.

The less he supports her now, the less likely it will be that she comes home eventually. I mean, why would she want to come home to live near a father who don't want her to experience life to its fullest?

Wow! You sound like you have a really enterprising daughter who wants to make something of her life. It sounds like an amazing opportunity. Encourage her!! She will most probably have the time of her life and many opportunities will open up to her. I don't understand why you are worried. She can come back if she hates it.

YABVVU not to encourage her. My parents clipped my wings when I was younger and didn’t embrace my ambition and I feel quite bitter about it now. It definitely has had a negative affect on my relationship with them which is a shame as other than that they are lovely. Don’t risk jeopardising your relationship by being anything other than enthusiastic

If it all goes to shit she can always come home. She will have the time of her life!

OP I did this at the same age. I arrived a week before my 19th birthday, and it was one of the best experiences of my whole life.
Canada is such an outdoorsy country - I went and all of a sudden was hiking, river rapid tubing, snow boarding, kayaking, learning how to deal with skunks, baby bears and moose , I met some amazing life long friends. There's so much culture she won't have come across before, I loved learning about the native Canadian and Inuit culture and had brilliant experiences with friends from those communities. Like everywhere in the world, Canada isn't a perfect country, but if any of my kids decided to go, I'd be happy for them and encouraging (and booking my flights to visit them regularly!)

Don't hold her back - if you need to, check out the company helping her get out there of course. But it sounds awesome. Wish I could go again!

OP, it's nice to see that you're starting to come around to the idea. I went on a Working Holiday to Australia, left home, by myself, 3 weeks after my 18th birthday. My extended family are also not the kind of people who do these things, pretty much all my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc live in our town, or the neighbouring one. I'm sure my parents had their doubts and concerns, but they trusted me and were supportive of my decision.

For me it was an incredibly fun but also hugely formative experience. Please let her take advantage of this opportunity, she has plenty of time to settle down in her home town if that's what she decides she wants in the long term.

I live in a farming community and loads of lads went over to work the huge farms over there at 19.Bit different as it’s farming, but they had a fantastic time.

Well done your daughter!

I would've been so disappointed if my kids thought that moving 2 miles away and getting pregnant and settling down was all there was to life!
They have great careers, have travelled, one worked in Brazil, the other in Taiwan for a short time, they have lived and that's what it's all about.

Your daughter sounds brave, clever and switched on. I hope you and your husband make plans to go and see her out in Canada when she's out there.

OP, in the nicest possible way, I’d find her going to live abroad for a year or two a lot less frightening than her pregnant at 19 and envisaging spending her life in a town no one apparently ever leaves!

Her instincts — to get away, meet entirely different people, have new experiences, see some of the big world, open herself up to the possibility of a different kind of life — are healthy, and she’s doing this in the most risk-free possible way. When I did similar, it was to a non-English speaking country, and pre-mobile phones or cheap calls, so I communicated with my parents by letter. My parents were also horrified, as they’d barely left their home county, never their country, and they didn’t understand why I was doing this, or why I wanted to go to university, which they thought was only for ‘rich people’.

Support your daughter, and get your husband to keep schtum about his attitude.

I didn’t find out until I was a proper adult that my small Canadian ski town gave bursaries to the small Scottish town I’m from. Wish, wish I’d known - what a world that could’ve opened up!

I’ve spent a lot of time skiing in Canada and from what the young ones tell me, the biggest problem was having to travel to the city for a termination - fill her suitcase with condoms!

I took off to Asia at that age with a one-way ticket, £200 and pre-internet. Still here.

MN is a funny place. On one hand we have people who travelled and shared lodgings with cockroaches in their teens - and at the other end of the spectrum the ones who attend uni open days.

She’ll have a wonderful time and I’m up to going with her if anyone wants to take on my DC for the winter. Bueller? Anyone?

Those of us who didn’t follow that are enjoyed/explore life are mostly settled in our forties but with amazing life experiences. Your husband sounds very narrow minded and needs to understand that the U.K. isn’t that great and there is a whole world to explore. Your DD sounds very sensible and organised tbh.

It sounds like an amazing adventure, and 19 is exactly the right are to do this sort of thing. I know plenty of people who did similar, so it is almost certainly legit - just check the agency out.

You may have chosen to limit your own life, but you shouldn't limit hers.

It's an amazing opportunity for her . Obviously it will be a worry for you but you can talk on the phone regularly and FaceTime and you can visit for a holiday .It's good thats she can see beyond the small town and want to see some of the big exciting world !

My daughter did exactly this just before covid set in in 2019. She had the best time of her life and I got to go out and visit her. She went to Banff jobs and accommodation all arranged by an agency. She'll have an amazing time!

They do exist, someone I know has done it and had an amazing time! If anything is going to give your daughter independence and help her grow up it’s taking a flight alone to Canada! You can’t really stop her she is an adult. If you stop her she will resent you for not allowing her this opportunity. Also the tips are really amazing apparently!

Why on earth wouldn't you want her to go? It's a fantastic idea, well done her. Doesn't matter whether she knows anyone in that country, she'll make friends, especially if she has work.
If you were to do any sort of research I would just want to know that the agency she's signed up with is a genuine one and not an outfit which takes money and doesn't deliver on the work promise. But that apart, let her go with your blessing.

My daughter went off several times, a year in Australia (no agency, she found her own work), teaching in Italy (with an agency) and later on a year teaching English in China. These opportunities were never open to me in my youth, I ended up married with kids far too early on in my life; you should be proud of your daughter and encouraging her.....

It's natural to be worried and you will miss her.. I worked abroad at 18 and it was the making of me and I had a fantastic time. Canada is safe and these days you can be in contact with her on a daily basis. My mum had to wait for a weekly phone call! Could you and dh go and visit her?

Loads of young people do this now. It great life and work experience and there will be a big community of other young people. It’s a great idea!

I often think how terrified my parents must have been waving me off to NZ, my sister to Madagascar/Africa/Asia and my other sister off to France for a year; when we were 18/19. They hadn't travelled either but they waved us off with a smile and even encouraged me to keep going when I rang, sobbing, from Singapore (I was 18 and on my own) I am so, so glad they did!

I think about my boys going off to do it and it does scare me, I know I will encourage and support them when the time comes. I know it's completely irrational so I do understand your worries.

If you have that sort of relationship, you will need to talk to DH. She will go anyway and it's better to go with a celebration and a smile, even if you're worried underneath.

I am very jealous of her, I wonder if there's a job, in the mountains, for a 40 something teacher with 4 kids in tow...?

Let her go. it will be the absolute making of her and if she hates it she can just jump on a plane and come home. My DC have both done it (Australia and NZ via Asia) and so have my nieces and nephews. It's challenging at times but one of the most rewarding and life affirming things a young person can do.

She needs to be made aware of some of the most common pitfalls and risks before she goes, but there are forums and websites and books galore to help her with that. She's learn so much from it and make friends for life from all over the world.

Left home at 18 to work abroad. Best year of my life. My parents never hesitated to support me.

She is going to a very safe country, and through a hopefully reputable organisation. There are really no downsides to this.

Please don't let your fears and own lack of ambitions and experience in this area stifle your more adventurous daughter. She is an adult and will be fine. Nothing of what she is planning to do sounds out of the ordinary.

I wish I'd done something like that when I was younger. I didn't because I knew my mum wouldn't like it. So now I'm 34, married, with 2 kids and a mortgage and I've never had an adventure. I'm happy, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I've missed out.

Double check everything is legit in the background and give your daughter your blessing. She'll thank you for it when she's older.

Good on her. Rather than staying at home on basic hospitality job she’s going to travel and experience life. Yes as her mum I’m sure it’s an anxious time but lots of young people do this in various countries.

Go through everything she has planned and check that it’s all legit if it makes you feel better.