To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

Op haven’t too heard of BUNAC ? It’s not just for working in camps. I went to USA alone and had a ball waitressing for a summer. I was 20 and literally had a rucksack and not even a job lined up! Let her go!

Your DH is reacting like this because he feels threatened. It feels like an implicit criticism of his own life choices. Many people react negatively to others making different choices because they are insecure about their own, so need to reinforce their own decisions.

Yes such jobs do exist. A friend's son did this two years ago and has just returned. And his Canadian stay coincided with Covid. It has given him great operational and management skills. He ended up managing part of a ski resort I think. He was a graduate mind. But OP's daughter sounds like she's switched on with practical experience. Go!
The things you regret in life are the things you don't do, not the things you do.

[quote CakesOfVersailles]**@Kuachui

You must not frequent Shepherd's bush! Crawling with Australians (and New Zealanders). About 35 thousand people came to the UK every year under 2 year working holiday visas before covid. Kiwis call it an 'OE' (overseas experience).

To be fair, when I was in the UK despite trying to meet locals most people I met were Kiwi, Aussie or South African.

@MiddayMass Just think, if she stays the full two years you have the perfect excuse for your first overseas holiday. Go visit your DD in Canada![/quote]
Heh, anywhere in London when I lived there. I do think it’s maybe less popular than 20 years ago. The global financial crisis put me off returning to the UK as it made it a lot harder to get the jobs we could walk into previously. In Australia we weren’t really affected by the GFC and our currency was really strong and those years (2007-2012) I chose instead to spend a month each year in the US and you couldn’t turn around in California without bumping into Aussies enjoying how far our dollar went 😂 So @Kuachui might’ve missed the hey day, we’re probably thinner on the ground nowadays. And we’ve had two years of not being allowed to leave the country.

OP she’ll have a wonderful time and make life long friends. And you can go visit her! Her dad sounds like he enjoyed a very quiet life but doesn’t mean his daughter has to. Each to their own. I think settling down so young sounds stifling. Maybe you guys can travel and he’ll get a whole new perspective seeing how beautiful Canada is and how friendly. Canada is ideal. You can fly to Vancouver in no time if you had to (rural Australia would be a whole other story!)

You have to let her go and support her. She might end up resenting you and your husband if you try to stop her.
I did and went to NZ and Australia. Its a brilliant opportunity and Canada will be safer than a lot of other countries.

Why would canada be less safe than the UK, @CinnamonJellyBeans?

Personal safety awareness if important everywhere, and I doubt the small ex-mining town they live in is crime free.

I went through BUNAC to Vancouver for a year post university. One of the best years of my life. Earned twice what I did in the UK, lived in a 1 bed downtown flat, skied/snowboarded through winter, hiked and cycled through the summer. Travelled around Canada, North USA and then East coast USA. Came home the fittest, healthiest and most interesting I had ever been! Met loads of people in the same boat. The best thing about it is she won’t be tied to that job like an employment visa, she can work for a season - take a few months off to travel/be on holiday, get a different job, move locations. The flexibility is amazing! I’m so chuffed the scheme still exists!

All these people telling you not to worry wouldn't be breezy if it were their own teenager moving across the planet. They'd be shitting themselves too. However, the risks compared to the benefits are small, so you are right to let her go.

There's a lot you can do to mitigate the risks

As she will be responsible for herself, she needs a crash course in personal safety drills for all scenarios. unpleasant as this is, start with the Suzy Lamplugh trust and then websites for travellers. There are probably courses she can attend on personal safety and self-defence too.

I think that once you can see she has her "street-smarts", you and your husband will be happier to let her go.

This is on DD's radar too for next year when she turns 19. She currently wants to take a gap year and work as a ski instructor in Whistler. There are so many young people there who do the same thing and either work for Whistler mountain or go into hospitality.

One main advantage for us is that we've been going to Whistler for years and she has been through the ski school system. We also have friends there and so she'll have people to go to in an emergency. I'm saying that, all the young people we've chatted to over the years have loved their experiences.

Good luck to your DD! Now is the time to do it. They're crying out for staff in Whistler.

Nobody in our circle has done anything like this which is why I’m so taken aback. For some reason I just assumed she’d stay here forever like most people.

Sounds like my - and obviously her too - idea of pure hell. Good on her for wanting to broaden her horizons a bit further than the small, insular town where she grew up. There's a big world out there and it never ceases to amaze me how many people have zero interest in seeing any of it.

Tell your DH to be quiet. Even if it is a scam (which being BUNAC it won’t be) or a “waste” these are things she has to find out for herself, not through an overbearing parent telling her “I told you so”.

Believe me, I was her and I should know.

She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and a Canadian ski resort will be an amazing place for someone working in hospitality.

There are so many beautiful places to visit in Canada. Maybe research them yourself and get excited about a visit there.

Well done to your daughter.

Sounds amazing. I want to do it!

Doing something similar I probably got into less trouble than my mates who went straight to university!

I went away at 18 to do something similar. Looking back my mum must have been having kittens, pre internet so no way of keeping in touch except letters and pre booked international phone calls. It was the making of me.

OP - how old are you out of interest? If you had DD not long after having her brother, you can't be more than about 40, surely? You must be pretty young yourself.

Are you genuinely happy with the life you're living? I'm 40 myself, and I still think of myself as young. I see plenty of travel in my future, and I have expeditions planned etc. I live in a beautiful village I love (hundreds of miles from where I grew up), but I also expect to move somewhere else (probably far away) before I die.

Your DH's attitude to change is one I would find utterly stifling. I couldn't live with someone as small minded as that.

One of the youngsters in our family split up with her boyfriend and did the same, but in Dubai. We would have preferred it to be Canada! Your DD will have the time of her life.

Well done on posting here to get insight and advice.

Hopefully you are really reassured that this is legit. Naturally you are worried you will miss her and I am sure that’s shaping your response. But she is of an age where she needs to stretch her wings. Part of your job as a parent is to ensure she leaves the nest, so well done on that!

Just came here to say I had an au pair who went off to Canada like this (from down under) and she ended up bringing back and English husband! Still happily married with two kids!

I wish your DD well!

Your updates make it more and more clear why she’s wanting to get away. What a small and insular view of the world your husband has.

I wish I’d done something like that at 19! What a fantastic opportunity for your DD. I’m sure she’ll have a fantastic time and she sounds very sensible with money etc.

A friend of mine did similar after we finished uni and said it was one of the best experiences of her life. She ended up staying out there after getting another type of job and settling down. They have such a nice life Canada looks amazing

I can understand your concern op, but you should be very proud of her. To move to another country, completely on her own and plan it out like she has shows great confidence. You have obviously done a great job raising her.

I would do a bit of digging around just to check all is ok with her plans, but other than that I would get her go.

I was lucky enough to go to Canada to visit some of DHs relatives. It is really lovely out there. The countryside is beautiful but the towns/cities are also very nice/friendly.

It depends which part of Canada she has arranged to go to as their is ‘French Canada’ too but a lot of Canada is very British/pro British and is like a cross between old fashioned U.K. and US but without the worry about gun crime etc

I think it’s really savvy of her to arrange it all herself and to have savings for it. At the moment it’s only two years and will be wonderful life experience for her plus give her an opportunity to make lots of new friends.

Perhaps you and your DP could make plans to try and save for a visit in year 2, then you will be getting to share a little in her experience and also to have a little adventure of your own. Of course it would depend on your financial situation as to if you would be able to save for this. At roughly 8 hours per flight it is not as far away as some places she could have chosen (lucky she didn’t want to go to Australia lol)

Maybe see this empty nest stage as an opportunity for yourself to get into doing some of the things you felt you missed out on having kids at such a young age?

Btw being a parent is an important role and you have clearly done a great job as your DD is so organised and determined. You should feel proud of yourself.

I did similar, I'll be disappointed if my kids don't want to do something similiar at 19.

Your daughter will have the time of her life, your husband sounds a bit bitter and jealous.

Yes, you need to have very strong words with your DH. I would be furious with mine if he had tried to put a dampener on anything our DCs wanted to do.
I have a friend who's parents strongly discouraged her on doing anything, she went from home to marriage. Yes, she's happy in her own way, but I know she thinks she missed out.

I left home at 17, and I had the most exciting growing up years.

I bet your DD has absolutely dreaded telling the both of you about this, because she knows what your reactions would be. I hope this thread helps in changing your views and you let her fly

Your fear is understandable but irrational, yes. This sounds a well thought out, fabulous opportunity in a wonderful country. It is absolutely brilliant that she wants to do this. I'm really shocked to hear your husband wants to talk her out of it. Totally smothering and narrow minded. She MUST be free to make her decisions with your support. I'd be thrilled for her.