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Original poster

To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

585 replies

MiddayMass · 15/11/2021 02:19

She has 0 connections in Canada. She isn’t particularly academic and uni is her idea of hell but works in hospitality and thrives in that role. The restaurant she works at offered her a manager on duty promotion not long after she started because of how on the ball she is.

All her friends went off to uni in September and I think she’s feeling like it’s time to make a drastic change in her own life too. Which I understand. I thought maybe she’d move into a house share with other young people or something.

Today over dinner she revealed that Canada do a 2 year ‘Working Holiday’ visa for certain countries. You don’t need to be a professional or have a degree, you can go over and work in hospitality just fine. As long as you have somewhere to live, a couple of grand in the bank (she has savings) and health insurance you’re fine. She’s says she’s been looking into it and has already signed up with an agency and has paid fees to go and work on a ski resort this Winter with live-in accommodation. She’s insisted it’s all legit and that she has done all of her research.

To be honest, I smiled about it to her face but I’m scared shitless. Do such jobs actually exist? I’m worried it’s dodgy. She will have no connections in Canada. She insists that the agency has in-country support and that she’s in a Facebook group with other girls her own age who are going to the same town, and that they all plan to meet up once they are there etc. There’s even talk of some of them maybe getting a flat-share as she doesn’t want to be in the hotel accommodation for the full 2 years. She honestly doesn’t seem worried at all. I’m not sure why she chose Canada specifically. Apparently Europe wasn’t drastic enough, she’s not interested in Asia or Africa, Oceania is too far from home and she ‘wouldn’t be seen dead in the USA in its current state’ so she ended up with Canada.

DH isn’t happy either and says he’ll be worried about her, and has suggested that we try and talk her out of it. I don’t want to do that as she is an adult but I am terrified. How would you feel? I never really left my home town or travelled. At DD’s age I was pregnant with her brother and living in a flat 5 minutes away from my parents and so the idea of jetting off to another continent alone at that age is unthinkable to me. I’m not saying I’d rather she was pregnant at 19 living in a grotty flat, I just mean it’s all so foreign to me because I was in such a different situation at her age so I don’t know if my fear is rational or not.

OP posts:
Maulstick · 15/11/2021 08:36

@CinnamonJellyBeans

All these people telling you not to worry wouldn't be breezy if it were their own teenager moving across the planet. They'd be shitting themselves too. However, the risks compared to the benefits are small, so you are right to let her go.

There's a lot you can do to mitigate the risks

As she will be responsible for herself, she needs a crash course in personal safety drills for all scenarios. unpleasant as this is, start with the Suzy Lamplugh trust and then websites for travellers. There are probably courses she can attend on personal safety and self-defence too.

I think that once you can see she has her "street-smarts", you and your husband will be happier to let her go.

They really wouldn’t be ‘shitting themselves’ — I fully expect DS will live in other countries throughout his life, may do university abroad, and may well spend much of his life overseas. My parents felt similarly to your husband, but it didn’t alter the fact that of their four children, one spent 26 years overseas, living everywhere from the ME, the US, France, and the UK (we’re not from the UK), another 17 years in Japan, and another upwards of ten years in Poland, China, Turkey, and Greece.

I’m 49 now and moved countries in 2019 —while I’m settled here for now because of DS’s schooling, DH and I are planning to live overseas again.

RockinHorseShit · 15/11/2021 08:36

Threw up 🤦‍♀️

justaddcandlelight · 15/11/2021 08:35

Ahh, your daughter is at a wonderful age - the whole world is at her feet, ready to enjoy!
Funnily enough, I landed into Toronto yesterday. I love Canada ( I live in the U.K.) it's like a lovely cross between Europe and USA. The people are friendly, it's not overly expensive and I feel safe as a lone woman.
It's a wonderful opportunity to see what's outside of her home town. Perhaps you could go and visit her too!
However, if she goes and it really isn't for her, she can always come home.

RockinHorseShit · 15/11/2021 08:35

Good friends DD did exactly this, but with Australia. It was all legit & she had a great time living out there for a few years & the experience helped her hospitality experience a lot,making it easier to get good work when she returned home.

I agree with doing your own research too though. If my 19yo olds research is anything to go by, that would be sensible. My DD insisted that she'd researched a festival staff company thoroughly when she accepted a job from them... turned out they were the rip off merchants my research through up, DD disagreed & worked a full day anyway & got only half the money she was promised. So definitely worth you checking too

shinynewapple21 · 15/11/2021 08:35

I can understand you feeling sad that your DD plans to be so far away for two years . I would be sad too. I know many people struggle when their young adult DC head off to university, even when it's only an hour or two down the motorway .

It will be a brilliant opportunity for her though , and now is the time to do it. I can imagine if she were to tie herself down at 19 with a mortgage and/or long term relationship instead of going for this chance she would always wonder 'what if' and that could impact on her relationship with your or her dad if she felt she had been emotionally blackmailed into not going .

BiBabbles · 15/11/2021 08:34

I can see why you would be worried, and I'd make sure a child of mine knew and had the embassy details on the very slim chance of something dreadful happening alongside the health insurance and ring-fencing home money.

But beyond that, I agree with most others that it could be a great opportunity and it's great she has the chance for it.

‘We’re lucky to live in the U.K. and have everything we need, why would you bother going somewhere else?’

People used to say that to me about the US - and I left there when W Bush was on his first term.

The idea that even if things are lovely that there are other experiences to have is a great one for a young adult.

Lalliella · 15/11/2021 08:33

It sounds like an awesome opportunity OP. Of course you and your DH will miss her loads, I’m distraught without my DS and he’s only 3 hours away at uni! Your DD sounds really sensible and she’s done all her research, and she’s ready for an adventure. You should be making plans to go out and visit her next year!

AlbasJudgementalCrucifix · 15/11/2021 08:33

What your DD wants to do is totally normal for her age group OP. Honestly, the way you and your DH have lived your youth is very much not normal to most people. Be proud she wants to better herself and grow.

Her only having GCSEs doesn’t mean anything. You can pick up education at any point of your life, even abroad.

CiaoEB · 15/11/2021 08:33

Such a fantastic opportunity for her, she’ll have a blast. She doesn’t need to be
academic, just hard working and good at making the most of her opportunities. I left on a working holiday 30 years ago and never went back!

Redrosesandsunsets · 15/11/2021 08:32

First, Canada is expensive and there are also better countries to do an overseas working holiday (I did an OE as a youngster. I recently moved here and not really a fan.
Second, people are not similar culture like you might think. I have now found many lovely people here but also other very interesting ones.
Third, think about it, it’s a country where many native kids mysteriously died and mysteriously “no one knew” about it and supposedly Canada is just realizing it happened but it was happening right up to the 1990s. That’s odd.

smoko · 15/11/2021 08:31
  • She doesn’t have qualifications past GCSE so I don’t think she’ll have much chance of staying past the 2 years unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.

Wow… what a sad thing to think about your daughter, who is already looking at becoming a hospitality manager due to her work ethic

Her world & destiny is so much bigger than the picture you’ve painted for her in your mind

Having not left your town & settled so young, I can understand that you can’t picture how big life can be

But to deride her that she has no chance of finding employment for longer than 2 years?

My neighbour did the Canada whistler working holiday & didn’t return for 10 years!

The amount of jobs & opportunities there are in the wider world are far more than you can imagine

I hope you don’t encourage your daughter her only hope is ro getting pregnant & score a man as being her biggest hopes for life achievement.

You have painted her father out to ne small minded but this isn’t a nice thing to think about your child.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/11/2021 08:31

@MiddayMass

See, my issues with it come from a place of concern. Irrational I know and I’ll work on it but I can still see the appeal for her and can see why she’s excited for it. DH can’t. I think he’s going to be a pain in the arse with it and I’ll have to try and nip it in the bud.

His speech earlier contained:

‘Waste of money’
‘We’re lucky to live in the U.K. and have everything we need, why would you bother going somewhere else?’
‘It’s probably one of them dodgy jobs where they take your passport upon arrival and make you work for free’ (I was worried about it being dodgy but not to that extent, I was more thinking about the agency maybe being an online scam and her arriving to no job.)
‘Who emigrates alone? You’ll be bored and we will be worried.’
‘Just spend your money on a house deposit here.’

Is your DH always this dull and uninspiring?? Grin
CaptainMyCaptain · 15/11/2021 08:31

She will have a brilliant time and come back with memories she will always treasure. If it doesn't work out she can come back anyway.

Don't try and stop her. I wish I had done the same.

BiscuitLover09876 · 15/11/2021 08:31

I know people who've done this. It's an incredible experience. Can you afford to go and visit her?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/11/2021 08:29

[quote Kuachui]@smoko Is it? :S ive never met a australian in england in all my life literally not 1, once met a kiwi on holiday but thats it... and ive lived all over england including 3 of the biggest cities, am i missing something?[/quote]
I shared places with loads of aussies /kiwis and commonwealth people!

Frazzled2207 · 15/11/2021 08:27

I think it could be the making of her OP.

If it’s BUNAC it’s totally legit.

I’d just want to be sure myself that the health insurance part was sorted so help her navigate that but and also make sure that the visa is sorted correctly.

Def encourage, I think Canada is a great choice, probably one of the safer places she could go.

And start saving up to visit.

When I was a young adult I lived in France, Japan and Poland. Had a great time and was a very important learning experience. Parents weren’t happy at all! Eventually came back, got married had kids and now live a relatively normal life, good job etc !

Classicblunder · 15/11/2021 08:27

@CSJobseeker

She doesn’t have qualifications past GCSE so I don’t think she’ll have much chance of staying past the 2 years unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.

Please tell me you don't say things like this to her? Please tell me you don't constantly drum into her that she has few qualifications so her only hope in life is settling down with a man?

She is clearly able, adventurous, with good work experience, and has a bit of gumption about her. Her future should be so much more than the picture you paint.

I think the OP is talking about the visa requirements
HappyDays40 · 15/11/2021 08:26

Please by all means do your own research but encourage her. You have obviously done a brilliant job instilling a good work ethic and a sense of determination and independence. This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Boysnme · 15/11/2021 08:26

I did this when I was 21. I worked in Vancouver and my friend in Whistler. It was the most amazing experience and whilst at the time I was happy to come home, many years later I wish I’d then gone back.

I did it though Bunac which was expensive but it came with events and support when you got there (I also did this alone initially, my friend joined later at the start of the ski season).

I’m still amazing friends with those that I lived with, one of them has emigrated back there.

It sounds like she’s thought this out and the worst that happens is she doesn’t like it and comes home.

It was 20 years ago now since I did it but it was one of the safest places I’ve travelled to and if my kids show an interest in similar I’ll be directing them here first.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 15/11/2021 08:26

I think it sounds like an amazing opportunity. Yes you’ll miss her (I have 20 year olds) but please don’t discourage her.

Fernando072020 · 15/11/2021 08:25

Sorry op but yabu. What an amazing opportunity and experience for your DD. I moved abroad when I was 21, it was a year abroad for uni but a working year and we were left to our own devices. Best thing I ever did. It was one of the best years of my life.

Support DD, she'll be absolutely fine and have a great time!

sundaydayisnotmyfundayday · 15/11/2021 08:23

I had my first child at 18 so never really had the chance to do this sort of thing. I encourage my children to, dd is 15 and we have already been checking out her options and discussing what savings she will likely need etc. Life is for living.

CSJobseeker · 15/11/2021 08:23

She doesn’t have qualifications past GCSE so I don’t think she’ll have much chance of staying past the 2 years unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.

Please tell me you don't say things like this to her? Please tell me you don't constantly drum into her that she has few qualifications so her only hope in life is settling down with a man?

She is clearly able, adventurous, with good work experience, and has a bit of gumption about her. Her future should be so much more than the picture you paint.

Derbee · 15/11/2021 08:22

Tbh I’d be having kittens if she said she wanted to go backpacking in Africa and I’m quite glad it’s a ski resort Canada

I think it’s so sad that people are so ignorant about the rest of the world. Africa is an incredible continent, with such beautiful countries to explore. It’s bad enough that you shut yourself off so much from the world, without also trying to put blinkers on your daughter.

CaMePlaitPas · 15/11/2021 08:22

She should do it, it'll be the making of her.