Anyone else got a friend who talks about her perfect teens a lot?

I have a friend like that too. Her family seems so perfect. They brought a house and thinking to buy a bigger one. They both got new cars, her child is going to the best school in her area. The kid is clever, nothing to say but is a bit dragging down when she seems so perfect and her child is doing so great and her husband is so amazing and her house is so spotless… my situation is a bit the opposite, and she knows I’m going through struggles. Sometimes I like to think she’s just trying to be helpful by telling those things, then she says not to worry as my life will get better too. We have two different life experiences, so sometimes I feel like she doesn’t understands me and why I struggle when everything seems so easy for her. Then I behave like I have to be liked by her and get angry at myself even more.

one day I was telling her that I’m worried about my DD as she’s shy and quiet and been told from school that the doesn’t really ask questions nor puts hand up on group activities. She only has a small group of friends and she only plays with them. Then I said to my DD she’ll get an injection for speaking as I tried everything to help her get out of her shell.
next week when I met my friend again she said she tried telling her son about getting an injection for good behaviour as he’s sometimes naughty but her DS said “there’s no such thing mum”. Her face was saying proudness but at the same time shaming my DD for believing me while her DS was so bright.

Yeah, but to be fair her DS is studying for a degree in Germanic literature at a German university and her DD has got into music college on a degree course after only studying flute for about four years.

I've encountered a few of these mums in my time.

Yes, as posters have pointed out, they are allowed to be proud of their DCs and rightly so but no need to brag. You say she's nice OP but I bet she feels good by making you aware that her kids are better than yours. Nobody likes a show off as my old Gran used to say.

I know someone with perfect teens. Brilliant at school, lovely in the home, musical, arty, science geniuses etc. The stuff my dd has shown me of their social media on the other hand is quite eye watering! Drunk in fields every weekend, much talk of how much they hate their parents, lots of cleavage posing etc. I actually brought up the subject of what have they talked about with said teens about internet presence, but they are so perfect in every way they don't want to hear it.

Your DC sound lovely and normal! There is such a thing as doing too much extra stuff. I'd actually be a bit worried about her DC TBH, all the extra work the DD doesn't need to do... why? Perhaps the DD feels the pressure and expectation to live up to the high standards set and therefore will live the rest of her life anxious and motivated only to gain her parents approval... or maybe that's how my life went! I was that perfect child and motivated to be perfect to gain their approval so that I would be worthy of love etc. It is not healthy.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Her dc are probably jealous of your kids carefree (and normal) lives.

You’ll also find that kids who’s parents micro-manage them, struggle when going to university, as they’ve never had to manage by themselves before. Until then, they’ve had their mum guiding them/telling them what to do.

Enjoy your children for who/whom they are (although I admit, I ge5 jealous of similar perfect children who I see on Facebook etc. An odd proud comment, fine, but everything is a success, annoying).

I have a friend who is like this. My kids feel downright delinquent by comparison to her angels.
She says things like "I said to Emmy darling please don't play your violin to grandma it's your third instrument, play the cello or flute.".
They act out Shakespeare plays!
They're nice kids but it's their mother. She boasts endlessly and doesn't ever pause to ask me a thing about my kids.
But recently when I was there her perfect children had a fist fight and the younger girl gave her sister a black eye.
So they may play a million instruments and read books in French for fun - but they ain't perfect

I have a friend like this and her teen really is lovely and amazing. She’s totally motivated to become a vet, wins awards, does lots of extra curricular activities and is very self motivated. She’s not a secret gambler or has some sinister dark side or anything
Some teens really do excel.
My dc are fine. They don’t win awards or anything but I help motivate them in their own direction.
I find my friend and her dc inspiring and have often got ideas from her.

I have a friend like this. Lockdown for them was daily walks and cycle rides as a family, kids helping Mum to change beds and cook (they were 16 and 18). Funnily enough, my kids know them and tell a different story - secret drinking, finishing essays at 2am, online gambling. They just tell their mother what she wants to hear and unfortunately she tells me.

Ha ha. I like to think my teenage DDs are very nice humans but they're certainly not perfect!

My DH had an old friend whose DCs were some years older than ours. Every Christmas they used to send us one of those family newsletters about their perfect over-achieving DC - you know the type of thing - "DC1 speaks fluent Mandarin, plays hockey for England Juniors and is spending their gap year building orphanages in Chile, DC2 has had a book published aged 14, won an international science prize and broken the junior world record for holding her breath underwater". DH and I used to take the piss out of their boasts every year and swear not to write boasts about our DCs!

The friend's wondrous DCs are unremarkable young adults now - don't seem to have been selected for the Olympics or elected to Parliament yet...

She doesn’t sound lovely. If she was lively she would stop the endless talk about the kids when you asked her to.

I sometimes feel jealous of her high achieving children and their perfect behaviour. Contrasted with my surly, lazy teens. But my teens aren't anxious, have no mental health issues, one has a partner and they're doing ok. Just not Oxbridge like her kids.

I try to screen out my jealous feelings by feeling appreciative of my kids for their best bits, and even when they are surly, lazy teens they are still wonderful in their own ways.

She sounds truly unbearable

Hmmm, I think our teen DDs are absolutely adorable, I really do. But am (just about) self aware enough to realise they might possibly not appear that way to all (though I find it very hard to believe).

They genuinely haven't ever really given us a moment's worry to be honest - but not because we demand perfection. They just happen to be quite sensible and grounded as a rule. Both academic and both popular etc. So it's all good.

Interestingly, an acquaintance always demanded very high standards from her DCs in everything - she used to show me examples of their perfect handwriting (why? why?) And would demand to know why they hadn't got the top marks in school tests. Fast forward 10 years and the DCs did get to university but have issues with boundaries and drugs.

perfect kids and a bragging mum....pride comes before a fall is the old saying

your teens sound very normal and I bet they have a lovely relaxed chilled family life

She sounds very helicoptery still. Not much going on in her life. No one’s perfect I’m sure they have fall outs behind scenes.
Yes be supportive to your terms but she sounds very over involved. Worried what will happen if she steps away. I’d suspect her teens will either struggle at Uni as they are used to constant spoon feeding or apply for a Uni 200 miles away and cut apron strings.

I am the child of a mother who had friends just like yours. Everything was reported back to me "so and so's daughter has just won a prize for xyz, she is very talented" "so and so's daughter has just had her hair cut, it really shows her beautiful eyes" (usually after I'd come from the hair dressers feeling like a right ugly duckling). I always felt I wasn't good enough and I should be more like "so and so's daughter". It affected my confidence and my head is still messed up now.

Whether what your friend says is true or not, and I wish my mum had taken it with a pinch of salt, ignore it and definitely don't pass the stuff on to your teens.

I have yet to meet a perfect teenager. I have come across thousands after 11 years in social work. Every single person in the world is fallible and we all have a few cracks. We are human, we all make mistakes. It is how we learn. You only have a tip of the iceberg view of these kids. Don't compare your own DC. Academic achievement is important but there is way too much emphasis placed on it. Being safe, being loved, loving others and being content are worth their weight in gold for children, under estimate them at your peril.

I would try saying something like 'we always talk about the kids - we should focus on us!' and the ask about her life, talk about your own.

I totally get it - I hate this kind of one upmanship. I think you should also maybe think about celebrating your own kids right back. Her daughter gets an A*, your daughter was really great company on a day out recently or did something kind for a friend, looked amazing on a night out - there will always be something you can celebrate in your own kids.

*younger DSS I should say

We were out with our mates on Saturday and their two kids are so well behaved and the youngest did really well at his GCSEs etc. Oldest predicted good A level grades. Great news and all of that, so pleased. Couldn’t help feeling a bit miffed because DH had a PhD, I had a Masters and DS failed all his GCSEs and DSS passed one! They’re both re-doing them. The couple we were out with, only one of them did a degree and the other left school at 16. Funny how things work out.

We’re pinning all our hopes on DSS 😂

Slightly off topic…sorry.