Benefits of having only 1 child?

More money for all the things that you need to raise a child You make more effort to socialise so that they have friends to play with when they are young. No bickering with siblings No sibling rivalry when older. A close relationship where you have more time to spend with them I loved it

I have one DD12 and I always felt like I'd have more but just hasn't worked out for me. But! We have the best time together, nice holidays, she also does numerous activities, and I can give her my time. I also think about helping her in the future financially will be easier. She used to ask for a sibling when she was about 5 but now she just is like now way!
You mention grandchildren - I am one of 4 and she is the only grandchild so it doesn't always mean more grandkids! X

I was chatting with a 27 year old last week about having children. She said l only want one as l am an only child and l have absolutely loved my life and l want my child to have exactly the same. She sounded so happy and content with her lot.

Before the "lonely only" moaners pile on here:

Less stress
More money
More time, for you AND your child
Only children develop a really unique, close bond with their parents

I'm an only and am raising only child DS. Wouldn't have it any other way.

We really wanted two, but endometriosis put paid to that.
Most of the people I know who have 2 DC, the DCs are totally different and don't get on, so no benefit of having a sibling. Amusingly- to me - a lot of DPs I know with two have to rent 3 bedroom properties as the siblings refuse to share. Instead we invite one of DSs friends to come with us so he has company he enjoys.

Now DS is a teen, life is pretty easy. One DP needed for rugby lifts etc. etc. and other can do their own thing.

It's less expensive too as don't need huge car for everyone. Or at least it was until DH decided to complete our family with rookiedog which is like having a perennial toddler for a large number of years.

It's just awesome. Well, for us anyway!
Some of the reasons why:

I'm not the best at organisational stuff. I find one child pushes me to my limit in that regard, organising play dates, sleepovers, parties, school schedules, after school clubs, out of school clubs... the list is endless and I find it quite overwhelming. With more than one child I would really struggle.

Me and husband have more time to devote to our hobbies that are VERY important to us both and quite time consuming. Therefore we don't feel as guilty leaving the other one holding the fort at home.

I love that we can be spontaneous. It's so easy to take one child somewhere, anywhere in fact, with minimal fuss

More money - can afford private school, work part time etc. We can afford to say yes to pretty much anything they want to do (whilst being mindful not to spoil them!)

Our house has a lovely energy about it with the 3 of us (plus an assortment of pets) but is also chilled with no arguments (apart from occasional ones with DH!)

I feel secure for the future, knowing that we will be able to help our child relatively easily with things like university, car, house deposit etc and we will still be able to retire early.

What's interesting is that a high proportion of our friends have stuck with one child. I'd say more than 1/3 of our child school year are also only children. Whenever we're out and about I see lots of parents with just one child. So it does seem to be rapidly gaining popularity. Obviously there will be some people who sadly cannot have anymore children but for a lot of people I think it's an active choice.

I'm sorry that you've not (as yet) been able to have any more but our personal experience has been nothing but positive, so it may be something that you can actively embrace?

Will your DD have cousins of a similar age?

I'm one of 3 siblings and we are all very close to one another and wanted that close family bond for our own children, but for different reasons 2 of the 3 have only been able to have one child, whilst the other has multiple. However, the group of cousins are all very close and loving (although obviously they don't see each other every day) and its a pretty good approximation of the sibling experience.

Meanwhile the 2 cousins who are only-children are going to excellent independent secondary schools whereas the larger family who could have afforded that for 1 child but not for 3 are running themselves ragged trying to find a way to escape having to use the pretty awful catchment comp.

No accusations of favouritism
More time, money and energy for your DD

I had just DS for 11yrs. Then DTwins. So I've had an only for as long as I can remember and suddenly what seems to be 45 children.

Good and bad:

DS:

Has travelled the world. Private schools. Easy to get childcare for one, essentially did as I pleased. Only one set of everything to buy (and store). First grandchild, parents went nuts. He just slotted into life.

DTwins:

I love having them. With such an age gap I'm so lucky they turned out to be twins as it would have been akin to raising two onlys with DS11 and a baby. I love that I'll have a big family with more grandchildren, but unless DTwins have their kids pretty young, I'll probably be dead before grandchildren from them reach 10. Yes I do have a favourite and they are DTwins, but mainly because DS has SEN but as my first, had nothing to compare him too, now I see just how insanely hard he was to raise, in comparison to how easy and joyful DTwins are. I didn't know any different at the time, but now I can see he virtually broke me, and it was often getting through the day, not enjoying it. I can't believe the difference with DTwins, who technically should be twice as hard, and exhausting me now I'm ten years older. They're a dream in comparison. DS is now a teen and that toddler time is thankfully behind us. It's because of how hard he was, I thought bugger having two of these, and wondered why on earth other people put themselves through it and how they coped. I didn't realise he had SEN until he was 7. Wasn't diagnosed until 10.

But:

DTwins mean we had to buy new car. Now having to buy bigger house. Double nursery fees. Don't underestimate the constant cost. No one offers to look after two toddlers, as it's a real skill to look after twins when you've only been used to one. Nappies again. Chunky plastic crap all over the house in form of trikes and playbenches and toyboxes. Clothes. Bottles. A nursery run and a school run to juggle. Have to work on my figure for the first time, where as I pinged back after DS. Extra tickets for everything cost a blimmin fortune. Days out that would have been £30, now seem to be £100 with the extra tickets, snacks, pair of wellies and cagaoules. We'll have three universities to pay for, three weddings, three house deposits, whereas DS would have been living like little Lord Fauntleroy and set up for life if things weren't now being split three ways.

There are pros and cons. I love my big family now. I wish I'd had DTwins ten years ago. I want more now I've experienced the joy I have with DTwins, but I'd be doing it for selfish reasons, with 3 children already and my age.

My honest advice, if you're older too, is that one wonderful DD is perfect. And I'm thinking of the children, just because you can go on to have triplets at 52, doesn't mean you always should. If you have another, it might be nice. If you don't, it's not a terrible thing.

Whatever happens, be kind to yourself and enjoy your DD

We've only ever wanted one, and feel very blessed to have him. Our pros are
Financially we can do more
Now he's older we have some more of our lives back
More time for him
We don't need a bigger house
We're able to give him a lot of experiences that we wouldn't be able to had we had a second child

Oh, and I have a younger brother and I must say my parents definitely favour him and he turned out to be a bloody genius (Cambridge/Harvard) and I'm the disappointment in comparison. I'm very proud of him, but the bugger definitely stole my parents' focus

I have 3 (all boys) and really wish, secretly, that id stopped at one.

Two of mine re now at Uni and there's one at home. I love only having one to look after (along with DH), he gets my full attention, time and money. We have become very close. The house is A LOT cleaner and tidier, I am not constantly food shopping. I feel calmer and less anxious. I am no longer a constant taxi driver, cook, washer woman, shopper, referee, cash machine, etc with no time to myself.

I really envy people who have only one child.

It's only me and my daughter (and our many pets ) in the house and we are extremely close and she's my best friend. I share everything with her like she was a mate and I love movie nights/going out on weekends/holidays together just the two of us. We always have a lot of fun. As a huge bonus of only having one child, I have more money to spend on her. She is at a private school, we have a dog, a pony and I can take her away on random short breaks.

Honestly, try to enjoy the time with your DD. She may be your best mate in a few short years

I think lots of us get hung up on idyllic visions of gatherings of grandchildren and adult children and panic about being alone when we get older, instead of focussing on reality. I had a second child when my DD was three and she never got my full attention back in the same way. It just wasn't possible. And they bicker all the time. Two kids happily playing as best friends isn't often my reality!

I am one of three, and the reality of lots of people can be a lot more stressful than it sounds. Adult siblings don't always happily get on. DM also seemed to run out of energy for active grandparenting by the time mine came along. I also feel huge stress at the burden of having to stop her from feeling lonely now my Dad has died. I hope I don't put the same pressure on my kids.

I get the pull of another baby though, but your reality sounds 100% lovely.

I agree with all the pros mentioned here, and haven’t really seen any of the cons. Just not being pulled in two or more directions is a good feeling; you can focus on their interests and explore lots of different things with them.

My DH and I are both from big families and get on fine with most of our siblings but knew straight away we only wanted one child. The only thing I wonder if my teenager is lacking is the chance to mouth off about her parents to a sibling, or confide in them her secrets. But I never did this, and neither did my DH, so I imagine she probably gets enough of this from her friends.

Seeing siblings fight and squabble sets my teeth on edge. People say only children don’t learn to moderate their behaviour but I see it completely the other way. Not having an “instant friend” at home has made mine very aware of how to behave (ie she has to put some effort in!) and she is a really good calming influence on some of her friends that are sets of siblings as she’s able to see situations from two sides.

It’s generally much quieter with one. If you like quiet, then this is something to bear in mind!

I have one dd and we can give her all our attention. She's a very happy child.

I’ve got 3. I love them all dearly. But the benefits of 1 are, for me:

• time. You can give so much quality time to 1 child.
• activities. Mine can’t agree and we usually do nothing!
• housing. So much easier. We are squished.
• your life. I don’t have a “me” life. I am 100% running around like a crazy thing anc mine are teens. I have no capacity for anything other than work and kids and don’t sit down til after 9 each night.
• money!
• job. You just have to work round 1 not lots of different inset days, sick days, 3 sets of orthodontist appointments.
• your chikd can have their mates over because they arent sharing a room.

You will naturally be closer to your eldest and proli give them the moon on a plate should they ask you too!

We didn't have any more babies until my eldest was 8 years old, and we decided that the best thing to do was knock out 2 in 2 years so they could grow up close and with each other blah blah blah.

I thought I may damage my eldest as although he had play dates and stuff he didnt have any siblings or cousins he could see regularly.

I was wrong, my 2 smaller ones fight all the time they don't play well and well on my worst days I've wondered if I'd like to rewind 5 years or fast forward 5!

I love them all the world that goes without saying but sometimes one just works.

With 1 we had more money, more time and a fuck ton of patience. We had more time together for family dinners, trips, managed to go shopping and 1 child is easier to pick up drop off from almost anywhere.

You will often find babysitters are hard to get hold off, family will go silent because suddenly you its not just one child for 2 hours but 2 or 3. No one wants to babysit a brood

Things like school plays / sports days / come in and buy this paper your kid touched 3 days ago for £5 are much much easier to attend, if you have 2 kids in 2 seperate years or 2 seperate schools time is right and only so much annual leave you can take. Even if your a SAHM it can be a very repetitive chore.

Less mess!

There are SOO many pros to not having more than 1 child. There are cons too but you know this.

If you really really wanted one I wouldn't put just a years limit on it, unless its affecting you massively id go for a little longer but maybe less 'determination'.

It can only ever be what it will be but i hope you get your wishes and have a lovely life with one or two children.

I was in a similar position at your age OP and set myself an age deadline. We only have one D.C. as a result.

There were many years I felt guilty as DS wanted a brother or sister but he's very happy being an only now.

• being able to afford to move into an excellent school catchment area
• some fantastic holidays to interesting places
• regularly fo for weekends away
• don't need to take out a mortgage at school uniform buying season
• didn't need to buy a big car
• plenty of room at home
• able to give him plenty of 1-2-1 time and attention
• no need to juggle the needs and priorities of multiple children.
• easy to find a babysitter
• no sibling squabbles to contend with

Don't get me wrong, I'd have liked a second and was upset it didn't happen for us, but, while the lack of a sibling playmate was tricky when younger on holidays/days out etc., we largely have a nice time as a family of three!

It wasn't 100% a positive choice to have my one ds, and I know he would have liked a sibling at various points, which at times was very hard. Now as an older teenager he seems fine with it and I must admit that the simplicity of just having one made life possible. Dh being so ill would have made more than one intensely difficult and when he died, it was good just to be able to look after ds. If I'm honest I'm also happy only do have seen one through primary school with all the parental input it takes!

All of the above plus more time to help with homework, reading etc. Not having to find activities that suit more than one age group. You may find people more willing to help with babysitting etc. My siblings weren’t interested in the same games as me partly due to the age gap and I’d have enjoyed more time having friends over or playing games with my folks but was fine playing on my own too.

DH and I are both one of big, poor families in small houses, and to be frank, competing for sparse resources (space, parental attention, food, the knowledge that there was no spare money, so never to ask for anything) was so miserable that having one child was an obvious choice for us.

I love only having one. Life is pleasant and easy.