Benefits of having only 1 child?

@TwinsandTrifle you mentioned about the sharing /selfish thing and I have to say that has not been our experience at all!

DD didn't have any trouble sharing, even when she was tiny. We always shared with her and she shared with us. When other kids came over she was always happy to see them and shared willingly (too willingly at times -eager to give them everything!)

As I said earlier in the thread, the kids less keen on sharing naturally came from families with siblings where enforced sharing was the norm and they made a grab for toys / treats etc because they could

As Getawaywithit said, there are pros and cons, and life is what it is and you have to make the best of it. (pause) And even if the parents haven't got much to leave you, you don't have to share it with siblings when they go. I'm being flippant but it's true.

The benefits for me as an only child were very much related to finances and whilst they could never be considered rich or even well off, every spare penny was made available to me at times when I needed it. I did have the terrible, terrible job of managing my mum with dementia and of doing that alone but I do recognise that even with siblings, I still might have had to do it alone.

There are pros and cons and I am very much of the ilk that life is what it is and you have to make the best of it.

Originally planned for two, but stopped at 1 DC and very glad I did too. Financially it wouldn't have been viable to have more, and would have resulted in much more stress for all of us, less desirable area etc etc.

My DS is an only , he’s 27 now and I think the benefits of being an only child can sometimes outweigh having extra siblings
I did make sure that from an early age he went to nursery and holiday clubs so plenty of socialising with other children .

Money - & Time - I had plenty of both to give him for extra stuff at school holidays
I was able do pay for extra lessons as he is dyslexic
Amazing holidays to places that if I had more than 1 we would have never done .
I was able to buy him his first car and he has just got a big inheritance of mine to enable him to get his first house which he probably wouldn’t have got if I had more than one child .
I’ve made sure that he has a strong bond with my sisters kids and the rest of the family growing up as well

We’ve reached a point where people are actually offering to have our DD overnight, we don’t even ask! Husband and I have lots of weekends booked up thanks to not just family but friends too.

I have naturally gravitated into friendships with other mums of only children and it’s so easy to arrange play dates, trips out to the theatre etc and everything is age appropriate.

I was on the fence about having a second and the older she gets the more thankful I am to have stopped at one. I’m a much better parent to one than I would be to two (plus!).

Luxury holidays cost less - and I mean Dubai, Seychelles etc... You can fit in two a year.

This with bells on. With just DS we were all over the world, long haul, luxury. Usually business class. Holidays were amazing.

DTwins haven't been anywhere, mainly through covid. And now we can travel, they're about to turn two so they need a bloody seat each as opposed to the last couple of years where they could have sat on our laps or airline bassinets. Eg. Before: Took just me and DS to Mexico. Ten days. 5* hotel, loads of incredible excursions, bus class. Came to a few thousand. Not cheap. Not coil over in horror expensive. To replicate that, same hotel (instantly need a bigger room), same excursions, same flights with DS, DH, me and DTwins? Could literally buy a new range rover for the same.

We will take DTwins on these kind of trips one day. Probably once every three or four years. DS went twice a year. Plus holidays in Europe.

DTwins will get to know France very well for the foreseeable

Luxury holidays cost less - and I mean Dubai, Seychelles etc... You can fit in two a year.

I only have one. There was a point in my life when I thought I'd have none, so can honestly say I'm grateful to have one at all.

Totally agree with the cousins point, mine has two who are one year older and one year younger so they are have similar interests and mostly agree about what they want to do together. We've just moved half-way across the country to be closer to family, cousins especially so our child can have these close family relationships due to having no siblings.

And to be honest in the end our decision came down to money. We can keep our small cruddy car, only pay for one load of after school clubs, have a smaller house but live in a lovely area. We can all go out for dinner. We can scrape by while I grow my small business whilst doing 'little' jobs, therefore I'm happy focusing on creative things I love. And if Mum is happy then everyone is happy.

I see friends with more children completely stringing themselves out to afford even the most basic of 'luxuries'. Husband and I made a very conscious decision that we wanted absolutely none of that.

Plus I'm too old to have more!

Some of the people I know with the closest and best relationships with their parents are only children, they still go on holiday together in their twenties and genuinely enjoy each other's company. They're also incredibly close to their cousins who are like siblings - any chance of some cousins for your DC?

But only children are 100% casually stigmatised as lonely or selfish, none of which is true. Maybe because they arent always having to share? Who knows.

They very initially are a bit more so, than siblings who have to share, or in my case, boy twin has developed an early resilience to girl twin swiping everything he touches. But this is only really in early childhood. When nursery and school starts, an potentially lonely only is then surrounded by peers. I suppose I didn't know how to share with my peers at first, but not because I was a grabby selfish child, simply that I'd never been in a position where I'd had too. I picked it up pretty quickly, it's not hard. You learn all sorts of social aspects when you start nursery etc. And with my twins, they only benefit from their specific sibling dynamic, using that exact example, girl twin will discover at nursery that most children will not be so accommodating when she just takes what they are playing with, as her brother allows.

Oh and if we go out there is a 2:1 ratio so one of us can hold an adult convo while the other chats or whatever

What a lovely thread, and generally free of the usual negative only child stereotypes.

I do agree with a previous poster that it’s important to build strong social networks for your child if they are an only, and ensure they spend plenty of time with people other than their parents. I make sure my DD has a lot of playdates, and she also has cousins close in age which helps. Extracurricular activities are also good for encouraging socialising.

My reasons for stopping at one are the same as others’: lack of broodiness, more quality time to spend with DD, a calm house, plus health issues that mean I get tired very easily and am quite often unwell. I also have a sibling with severe disabilities and know that I would not be a good parent to a disabled child, so I feel it would be unwise to roll the dice again.

Oh and we will always have room for her so lifelong security. We hope to afford a big house in the country by early 40s, even with working part time as one is so much cheaper.

So she will always be able to live at home or move back, or raise a family or save money, even if she has her own family so its a lifelong benefit. We are also able to save to help her with a house deposit without having to do the same for a sibling. So 50k is 50k, not 25k etc.

She will also always come first, not juggling multiple kids needs.

But only children are 100% casually stigmatised as lonely or selfish, none of which is true. Maybe because they arent always having to share? Who knows.

But making the decision to stick at 1 was the hardest part.

@KellyABC I was very conscious of this too so my daughter does lots of clubs mainly dance and has a great group from there, she has lots of cousins and is close to her grandparents too. She is also quite close to some of her friends parents so has other adults in her life who can support her.

The main benefit for me is we all love it. Dd says often she loves it and we can do everything for her, with her, lots of clubs etc. She does more clubs than I could do with another. I love the quiet too, so does she, win win.

As equal parents we share the load rather than always having 1 each, loads of 1 to 1 time, kid gets all the opportunities. Not sibling rivalry. No worry that one sibling may need to be responsible for the other when older. One means we can afford to give a good inheritance and afford our own care if needed without burdening her.

I don't know any families who chose to have 1 that regret it.

Kids aren't owed a sibling.

On balance the chance of two+ growing up seemed unlikely as i know more people who dont like, see or closely socialise with their own siblings. 3+ seemed more likely and we didnt want 3.

We love being a family of 3.

I know it's silly to think as my DD is only 3 , but I've always liked the idea of lots of grandchildren.

I'm an only child who now has five DC. My mum isn't lacking in DGC compared to her friends and siblings.

@HaveringWavering I didn't mean to be unkind, it's just that not many people commenting here seem to be only children, and I think that other perspectives might be valuable. I really feel that if you have an only child, it's important to make sure they have some more people in their life than just the parent/parents and that building a consistent social life for the kid is way more important than some of the benefits that people are talking about here e.g. more money and holidays. That's my experience - and my fertility issues also mean that having more than one kid is very difficult.

Fit the whole family round the dinner table easily at Christmas in the future.

Fewer chances to have ILs you don't like foisted on you.

I'm not a people person, and the realisation that multiple children would result in potentially even more grandchildren/ILs than I could manage was a revelation!

Oooh....also our home is fun but relatively calm and quiet and relaxed....it doesn't ever really feel chaotic in the way that other parents often feel.

Also no comparisons....I do remember both my sister and I being miserable at various times about comparing our achievements or experiences....even if it's not said in such a way, it is felt. DD gets to be who she is and we celebrate that in its own right. Also....I spent many years at high school being referred to as 'xxx's sister'.