To really strongly dislike my autistic child

Once again the MN bitches are out in force. If you can't give advice in a non judgmental and kind way maybe just keep your nasty comments to yourself. OP I feel for you, and YANBU - it sounds like hell. I'm so sorry you've been subjected to some of these posts - it's the last thing you need. I have no advice, just wanted to offer some support.

I’m sorry you feel completely helpless and that nobody is helping you. Please though, don’t have a breakdown. As much as it is hard your little boy does need you and you’ve come this far…

I still stand by my comment about learning his behaviours and triggers. I really think you need to learn about him. I really don’t think anybody can learn about autism from a book when it is so varied and complicated.

Stay strong and take a breathe. If you get 5 minutes alone then take those 5 minutes alone, who cares about the housework? If you think your mental health can do with a break then that’s fine.

Please though, don’t hate him. He is only a child who is just as confused as you are. It really isn’t his fault he perceives the world in such a different way to others. Be more open to things going wrong because then you won’t feel let down.

Op i tried to tell the schoolnurses my dc likely had adhd. On the school form to complete - ignored. I then tried to speak i n person when they came to measure the kids - i had asked for a chat as you are asked to do if you have issues. Anyway they were beyond useless just gave me some printouts. (Bearing in mind the dc in q had come in and crawled under the table at 5yo. )

I do find it awful there is no support really with SEN.

I have to say though if i had realised dc2 would be as difficult - in a slightly different way then i wouldnt have had 2.

[flowers]@Candy999
Can you keep on at your GPs for help? Can you pay for any additional help at home, to help with DS? You haven't mentioned the father, or a partner, are they involved with parenting at all? Do you have anyone in your life who could relieve you and give you a little break?

Just wanted to say I really feel for you. It sounds absolutely awful and exhausting. I really hope you can get some support.

You are one strong, brave woman posting a comment that many have probably felt but dare not admit.
I am mother to an autistic daughter and granddaughter more than likely grandson as well.

Love them to bits as does my daughter , but there are days when you cannot get it right no matter how hard you try and you do try.
The days seem endless and the nights so short (that is if they let you sleep )
It does get better l despaired when my daughter was a teenage but she is now a remarkable, caring mother herself with infinite patience , far more than l ever had.

Have you contact National Autistic Society, they have local groups, which have loads of support and information.

It is a long lonely path but you need to be persistent with asking for help, doctors, school, local early years service ,.
We had loads of nonsense when we first started to seek support with my granddaughter but persisted until we got referred and got some actual support.
I do wish you well and hope you find some peace.

I'm
Still licking my wounds from
Posting in AUBU 14years ago.

If you don't want the OP to be given a hard time, then move the thread out of AIBU.

And as the DM of an adult in the autistic spectrum, I would advise against attempting fun trips out. Especially when pregnant.

I'd also point out it's funny how if your child is overwhelmed easily, one of their parents probably is also overwhelmed more easily than others. It's taken me years to realise this myself, and I hope I'm saying it kindly.

Op i hope things get easier.
I do know what you mean parenting is exhausting and when they are melting down constantly.

No judgement.

Please contact this charity, and seek help in your area where ever that maybe.

www.add-vance.org

01727 833963 (MON - FRI 9AM - 1PM)

I went on an Understanding Autism course, and it really helped to understand my child and some of their thought processes.

I can’t offer any advice on getting help for your son, but it sounds to me like you need a break and some support yourself. Have you considered counselling? It may help to speak to someone who understands how you’re feeling and can help you cope with what is a really difficult situation.

Sending you

@secular39 yes I do, which is why I have decided to concentrate on her and my own sanity and not bring even more pressure onto myself by having additional children. if I had loved parenting her and thought I could cope with a second child then I would have had a second. but to have another when you're already not coping doesn't seem fair on either child

I think some posters are being very harsh op.

I think you're doing your best. Having a child on the spectrum is hard. Really hard.

Have you prepared your child for the new baby? So they know to expect crying? Your attention will be on the baby for a long time?

Do you allow screen time? What are his interests? If he likes the iPad/Xbox, just allow it.

Days out can be so tricky and a lot of the time, overwhelming. does he have ear defenders and something that comforts him? My ds likes soft things so we always have a soft toy and ear defenders on hand. Any behaviour that's showing he's distressed and we find a quiet corner to sit so he can calm himself down.

Lots of kids on the spectrum do not like cuddles or much affection but when they do, it's because they're secure and feel safe and feel happy. Emotions can be difficult for them to understand.

Where is your child's dad? Does he see him?

Does have access to special needs clubs? Google some in your area. They can be a godsend. Are you on any parenting forums for kids on the spectrum?

When my autistic children were that age I got through it by fantasising that I was only fostering them. They're better now (13 and 11). Still demanding though. The specialist placement should definitely help.

^^in response to @pelosi 😇

Hey OP

Just here to say chin up, and I hope you get the support you need.

My DS is neurotypical and during my lowest points in lockdown, when everything was very difficult, I felt how you feel now.

I don't have any advice or experience of what you are describing, I just know that parenting is hard and we should all try to give each other a break.

I'm fascinated, and a little scared, at how judge-y and angry you all are.

It's really offputting

Good luck OP

Yes, I'm sure Mumsnetters can sleep more easily, as my profane comment has been removed. 😎✌️

OP ignore this persons shit comments. My DD has ASD/ADHD and I can relate to what you are saying

It sounds very hard OP.
I think maybe you might need to talk to someone to help you support your DS. It seems like there isn't structure or a thorough understanding of his needs. This isn't your fault, but it needs to be rectified. Although it may be sad, your child clearly does not like or enjoy days out. Don't force them and find other things you can bond over.
Reach out to family for help and support.
Good luck.

I know someone with a severely autistic child, and from the age of 6 she was able to get respite care. This is actually around 2 or 3 nights a month, so not a huge amount, but it gives her a chance to recharge.
The child also attends a special school, so not in mainstream at all.
I would also suggest you try to find either a local support group for parents of autistic children, or something on-line, which may be able to direct you (Better than I) how to access any support services going.

I can really recommend the book "how to raise a happy autistic child ". Also seek out your local autism support group. Theres something wonderful about discussing such things with other ASC/SEN parents who just get it

Your situation sounds unbelievably difficult.
I hope you get some decent advice.
There are a number of really disgusting comments on here. I can barely believe people would write like that to a woman who is clearly struggling and crying out for help.
Shame on you all.