To really strongly dislike my autistic child

I just wanted to post good on you for fighting the system to get that specialist place for your child that's an exhausting process in itself. Things may well improve with the school's input.

OP I just wanted to say that some of the comments on here are despicable. The whole beauty of an online forum is it allows us to drop our guard and express how we honestly feel and ask for help if needed. That’s healthy and if that’s how you feel that’s your truth. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person or any less of a parent. You are entitled to express yourself here. Please take care of yourself OP. what you are going through is very difficult and you are better to let it our here than bottling it all up. Take the tips and advice from the decent people on here and ignore the rest.

Is his father around? Does he help?

I've got no advice but I'm sending you the biggest hug OP - you're incredibly brave opening up to the mixed bag on MN. Ignore the bitches

6 year olds are bloody hard work anyway let alone adding autism into the mix YANBU OP but I do think your feelings of not liking him would lift if you had some respite. I hope you get the help you need

Some of the comments 🙄
As they say if you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person, my son has severe autism and learning disabilities, that doesnt make me an expert in autism, im only an expert in what works for my child.

I wish I had the answers for you but it seems like you are making all the right calls it's just your not getting the help yet.

Try to focus on the positives even if they are few and far between you will get there. You clearly care and want him to have a nice time and it's draining when your efforts feel like they have failed.

Managing and coping with these outbursts will get easier in time you'll start to see the triggers and understand how much time to do certain things based on his needs.

Big hug to you and I wish you all the best and hope your supported soon.

@Swantastic

You know what, I reckon OP should drop her son off round at your gaff and you can you can show everyone how it is done, you being so bloody fantastic.

nah, just autistic. and yeah, being taken out like that so much is hell on for some autistic people, can be physically painful and can feel like torture.

too much noise or the wrong kind of noise can be physically painful. not being able to block out sounds is exhausting, the busyness of people and things moving everywhere is distressing, or terrifying, moving in randon directions (eg: on lots of rides or at the park,) can raise alertness level to meltdown status, the smells can be downright disgusting and make you want to vomit, you can be too hot, too cold, too, hungry, too thirsty, it's too bright. You don't have control of what is going on, you don't know what is going to happen next.

To add some personal experience, what has worked for us (12yo ASD/SLD son) is establishing routine. Our son has learnt appropriate behaviour based on routine - for example: Being dressed in school clothes means that he doesn't get to play in his bedroom but instead has to play quietly downstairs while waiting for his school bus. Whereas at the weekend, being dressed in other clothes means he can leave his toast until later (because he won't be leaving for the bus) and can go back upstairs to play.

Our son can't communicate his needs either, it's a guessing game.

Mumsnet is a disgusting place at times.

This thread is case and point.

Hope you feel better soon OP, don’t take these shitty comments to heart. It must be so difficult. Take care.

OP, please ignore spiteful comments. I don’t know what’s wrong with people who do that.

You are far from BU. You’re going through hell and you have every right to express your pain. I’m sorry I don’t know how to help, I can only send you sympathy, but I’m sure others here will have good advice.

It was the same for us with our DS and days out. He wanted them, we all did. But he pretty much ruined every single day out ever. It was like he just couldn't allow himself to enjoy himself. Even right back to going to see the Wiggles when he was around 3 (and he was Wiggles mad 🙄😬).

I totally get it! You just want to go out and have an enjoyable experience, like a normal family. There is nothing wrong with that!

OP, what research have you done into the help you can get? I would suggest good reads of the information from the National Autistic Society and Contact (used to be Contact-a-Family) plus additionally Carers UK.

You need to request that your local authority Children's Services department carry out a Carers Assessment. If you don't get a response to that request, raise a complaint! You are entitled to have somebody assess you for your needs, in the same way that you fought for an EHCP for your child's educational needs.

If you know which school your son will be joining in January, find out what staff they have now - they may well have a Family Liaison Officer who can signpost you to various local services and support.

Google for your council's "Local Offer", this will have details of local groups and clubs for your child plus what they'll call their Short Break Service (think of this as a 'break' for you).

And finally, if you're a Facebook user, look for a group called Autism Parents Chat. it is a really friendly group run by admins who have been through very similar problems. What you are feeling, others will have felt too. You're not alone in handling this, reach out and talk.

It's exhausting isn't it OP my 3 year old autistic child loves going out and is the first to get his shoes but it's hard. I have an older 5 year old girl and it's hard managing them both and can only imagine that it's going to get more difficult as he gets bigger. I feel exhausted most days and want to just lie in a dark room. I've joined online support groups via Facebook to vent or get advice. My son makes it easier because he's incredibly affectionate and loves cuddles and kissing me. My son is younger so I can't give advice only a virtual hug.

Autistic children, not all, see the world very differently. What you might think are nice experiences and days out could be very stressful for your child.

To follow up that you have tried ss/ gp ect but haven't been contacted, ring them everyday, don't let up until they listen. My son is not Autistic but has loads of other healthcare sen issues. I don't give a shit and will be that mum until they listen and get what he needs and deserves. You are his advocate so shout as load as u can to get the help you need and deserve

Sadly I have learnt that we have to fight for everything nothing is made easy x

Fuck me, the vipers are out in full force tonight. Mumsnet at it's worst.
A mum says she's on her knees and struggling and some of the posters on here are vile...no helpful advice but just making her feel worse whilst making themselves feel smug.
I have no advice OP but just wanted to give some support. I hope things get better for you.

God, some of these replies

OP, it sounds so tough. Please don't listen to some of the bonkers replies on here.

Keep on at your GP. Some pp's had some good ideas of where to turn for help.

Xxx

I'm the parent of a 14 year old with autism who attends a special school. It isn't easy and there isn't much help out there. Ds goes to a club on evening a week for 3 hours.
Have you been on any courses on autism since your son was diagnosed? I found those helped understand some of ds behaviour.
Do you have a parent support group locally? Other parents can be a great source of information.

You’re not helping, Mombie2021.

I teach in an ASD classroom. I have the utmost respect for the parents of my students and I don't know how any of you do it. Lack of sleep is torture and constant meltdowns must be very draining. You are pregnant and the hormones will make everything feel harder. Look after yourself. I don't think YABU. If you can't vent anonymously online . . . ..

YANBU, a lot of posters on here who are judging you most definitely are. You are doing your best OP and it just sounds like you need a bit of a break and some support.

This is so hard for you - and harder still is the fact that services for children in this situation have to be fought for - how wrong is that? It makes me furious.

There seem to be quite a few groups on the internet who offer support and advice. I wonder if it might be worth trying to talk to these.

I also agree that a settled home routine might be more suited to him than outings and attractions.

YANBU to have negative feelings towards your child at times, especially when he is draining you of all energy. In reality many parents have negative feelings at times and this is because we are simply human. But it is also a sign that you need some help with it all and you are going to have to fight for this, I am afraid.

Do not feel bad about the negative feelings - you have recognised them, owned them and this is the first step to getting help.

I send sympathy and hope that you can find the help you need. I am sure there will be advice on this on one of the online groups. Good luck.