To really strongly dislike my autistic child

First few comments are awful. I read that you're trying your absolute best whilst running on empty. Do you have a social
Worker?

Are you getting any help?

The melt downs are because he can’t cope with new experiences.

Please ask his school/read up on, for advice an out how to create structure and a regimented routine. The use of picture schedules, now/next boards, social stories will help him in the big, scary world that he doesn’t understand.

My sympathies as I know first hand how difficult life can be for parents such as yourself.

Try to get as much help as you can. He who shouts loudest gets more of the limited resources. You are going to have to shout loudly and be his advocate.
Try the SN board on here to get support.

Does your son have PDA? Have you looked at the PDA society website? It’s ok to let him have everything his own way. It makes life so much easier trust me, I’ve been where you are and you aren’t alone. You are right it isn’t his fault.

Sounds very tough OP.
I am assuming he is at a special school? They are the best people to set up some sort of respite for you. Also, lots of parents at the SEND school I work at pay the TAs as carers at home for a couple of hours a week too.
Keep outings short, local and predictable.
Don’t beat yourself up about screen time when the baby arrives.
Invest in some sensory equipment- hammock swings/tent swings, weighted blankets, gym balls etc.
Let people in real life know you are struggling and then accept offers of help.
It is tough but there are people who can and will support.

I have two autistic children but sound very different from yours so I’m no expert but trips out and nice experiences - are they things he’s asked for? My children are generally happiest at home.

What does he like? Mine is obsessed with cars. I provide him with and endless supply if cars and he’s happy.

What does he want?

I've been exactly where you are @Candy999, my son is also Autistic and we had 3/4 years of sheer hell in the same ways as you are.

It's relentless. Have you spoken to your GP or contacted social work for support? We had a referral to CAMHS for family therapy which completely changed my way of thinking and helped me be more supportive of him instead of doing the things I thought we should - in turn this made him feel more secure and able to voice any issues. He's 15 now and we still have the occasional meltdown but we are all prepared for it now and have learnt how to help him through it.

It's definitely not the life I envisioned when I was pregnant but life is much more pleasant now.

Don't beat yourself up - it's a lot to deal with and pregnancy isn't easy in itself. Try not to push things, relax and follow your sons lead for a little while.

I hope you get the help you need , I think very few know how much you have to cope with , hopefully you can get some respite

Wow some of the replies on here are absolutely shocking. People need to show some empathy for someone who is clearly struggling.
If you don't have anything supportive to say except " you have options " or "for the love of god get a coil" you really need to just not respond. pretty disgusting.

You poor thing, OP. Were you feeling like this before you were pregnant?

What support/advice do you have? With my son we keep things as low demand as possible, minimise excitement and disruption, and try to spot when he needs sensory breaks. We are so far from getting it right but all of that helps him get through the day.

Is he in any sort of specialist school placement? The difference in our home life when ours moved to the right setting for him was indescribable. His previous school was causing such stress and anxiety and we were getting the fallout. Once that was alleviated, he became a lot easier to have at home.

Have you spoken to a midwife about how you’re feeling? The Senior at school?

I am a mother to a child with asd and it is hard. But I don't want to give him away. It can be a thankless job, but parenting can anyway, asd aside.
I agree about the outings. My child cannot bear to leave the house most of the time, and when we manage it , it's got to be short and sweet really. Feed him before we go, snacks for on the way for in case, and some sort of food /drink straight after. Because for him even slight hunger results in meltdown.
Do you get any sort of help with him?

That sounds really difficult and relentless for you. You have done a brave thing here by opening up and admitting your true feelings around the circumstances.

Have you tried making contact with other parents of children with autism? Perhaps there is a group local to you that could offer you support through experience.

Stop taking him places if it causes him so much distress. I understand wanting him to still experience things but he isn't if he can't cope.

When is he calmest? Whatever it is just do that. He doesn't need to do what other kids do. If he needs to be on youtube all day, or lining up cars or watching cbeebies, just do that.

He isn't like other children, make things easy on yourself.

stop taking him out so much . no wonder he is bloody screaming. poor sod. sounds like hell.

what are his sensory needs?
is he a sensory seeker or an avoider. can be different for each sense.
(touch, light touch, temperature, sight, sound, movement, )

has he got a quiet place to retreat to?
what calms him down? (firm hug, heavy work, rocking in one direction, quiet place, stimming?)
do you keep his blood sugars up?
what makes him scream. keep a record of what you have done/what happens before hand.
is he better if you stop talking at him?

What a crappy first few posts for someone who is clearly struggling. I have no answers for you, OP but hope someone will be along who can help you.

In the meantime, I don't think you are BU. You sound like you are finding this all so hard and perhaps have had an especially difficult day

It sounds like you need some kind of repsite. Do you have family for support? how does your partner feel about things?

I have an autistic child, I’ve spent 10 years in her shoes, thanks.