To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

Um, don't know what to say really except "bully for you"? But please expand your mind to realise not everyone is in your position. They can't just move to a good catchment area, some people can barely afford to feed their lids let alone move to die here expensive!, some people don't have the time or ability to read to their kids, and these days (especially with benefits cuts) many families just try to get from one day to another surviving the day. Including those who have children with disabilities for example.

Have to say this was an unintentionally hilarious part of your post:
my husband and I said we were going to be a multilingual family and bring up our kids with English, Spanish and Chinese – we didn’t learn Spanish and Chinese so fell at that hurdle.

Well yes knowing the language you're gonna teach a child is crucial 😂😂😂 what did you think would happen, after giving birth you'd automatically be fluent in Chinese and Spanish?

Now OP, why didn't either of you put the work in on learning those languages if that was such a big goal for you??? Genuine question

Only in the same way that you’re their main doctor as well. You might administer first aid and give them medicine but you still let a professional do the serious stuff..

You genuinely sound very narcissistic and I wish you would stop interfering with your children's lives and let them access education without your weird personal pointscoring.

Your job is to let go of your own ego and help your children find their own path.

I'm sorry...i found your post very concerning. How on earth would you raise your children as trilingual as a monolingual couple? Did I misunderstand? That is crazy.

Wait... you were going to learn two new languages in order to then teach two languages?

As the wife of (and friends with many) teachers, I think it's a joint thing.

Yes the school should teach the basics of science, maths etc but as a parent you should be working with your children to practise and embed this knowledge.

Teaching children to tell the time, do up shoe laces, have manners, use a knife and fork, entertain themselves, organise themselves, cook etc, 100% a parent's responsibility IMO (DH has a particular issue with the amount of children that reach his class (8/9yo and can't cut up their own dinner or tie their own shoes).

Some people aren't equipped to teach their own kids.
I think the most important things to teach them are life skills and curiosity/love of learning.

I agree about the schools. I was sent to the one my older siblings were at and I did not do well there. But that's life.

What sort of memories will your children have? Riding in the car with mother and reciting the times tables? Nighttime spelling quizzes?
Maybe picnics where they have to give the Latin names of all the trees?
If you really do all that you claim, then there is not time for fun and making memories. I learned to read at the age of 4. I do not remember how, but it must have been my mother as there was no one else in my life. But I remember clearly picking up sticks in the back yard, taping them together and covering them with newspaper to have the world's worst kite. Then taking it to my mother who gave me a piece of string and an old lipstick so I could "decorate" it and then fly it. The lipstick meant more to me than the reading.

Well, yes in answer to your question op, I do think I'm the main educator for my kids. Primarily because I home educate three of them full time 😁 when they were at school I outsourced that, but I would agree that manners, life skills etc were done at home. Reading is not a task but a pleasure so never counted that as education.

Oops, wrong thread. Sorry!

I'd love to know what it is exactly that people who say it's harder to be a SAHP find so difficult. I honestly struggle to imagine what it is that they are referring to, unless they have twins/triplets or children with significant additional needs etc. I get that it might be relentless or boring for some, and I know that it can be a bit tiring to look after young dc, but hard? What are the main challenges that people experience?

For me, the thing that I find hard about my job is the sheer weight of the responsibilities that I'm carrying - the expectations of those around me and the pressure of making decisions that will potentially impact on the lives of many people. Then there is the frenetic pace at which I have to work, the constant worry about getting everything done, the fear of dropping a ball and the need to juggle so many different priorities in my head at any one time. Plus the need to get out of the office on time so that I can have time with my family after work! Looking after dc always felt like a walk in the park compared to all that, so I'm always curious about how people see it so differently?

I agree that parents should be involved as much as possible OP but after reading....

I have always considered myself the primary educator of my child, manners, shapes, ABC, 123, speech, reading and over time that evolves into fractions, telling the time and so forth. I view any education at school as a bonus, to my mind I want them socialising and learning how to interact with others well when they are there.

I was then surprised to learn you have a husband. DH and I were involved as much as possible with our DC's schooling and home learning but it was a team effort.

Also, we own our home so if we had been unlucky with the local schools, 'simply moving' wouldn't have been an option.

Kids are only at school for six and half hours, and one of those is lunch!

Read your kids some books, take them to art galleries, go for some walks in the woods and point out the different species of trees.

There’s more to life than school.

How can you be the main educator and school just a bonus? Kids spend most of their day at school, then if they have a bath, dinner at home...when are you exactly 'educating' them?
Do they get to play and have fun too?
Surely what you do is the extra if the spend 7 hours at school each day.
Of course we should encourage and support the learning but come on...

If you want to crow about your child getting into your first choice of schools and you think it’s because you pointed out shapes to them , just do it. Leave the other poor woman alone.

Hopefully, the teachers are in charge of educating your children on humility.

I am guessing your dc are younger.

I support my dc learning but I expect school to teach school work and we develop them in other ways.

You do sound like you're looking down on your friend. I lean more towards your "good school better than close school" view but don't agree with such a superior attitude.

I am huge on academic and extra curricular achievement but I also want my dc to have good memories of childhood so I stifle tiger mom instincts at times in favour of happy, well balanced dc.

Try to recognise that there are many routes to a successful and happy life, but confident and secure children are likely to navigate life better than unconfident insecure children, or overconfident smug children.

There is also so much depression and anxiety amongst teens. Too much pressure is liable to backfire.

I do think that parents have a responsibility but it is shared with the school - it's a partnership. It helps if parents are interested and supportive but I don't believe in hothousing children at home.

I'm afraid you sound incredibly smug and judgemental towards your "friend". People have different levels of time, resource and confidence when it comes to supporting their own children. It is best not to compare.

my husband and I said we were going to be a multilingual family and bring up our kids with English, Spanish and Chinese – we didn’t learn Spanish and Chinese so fell at that hurdle.

You decided you were going to be a multilingual family yet neither of you actually spoke Spanish/Chinese?! That's a bit nuts OP in fairness.

Well yes I do believe I'm the primary educator of my child (enshrined in the constitution and all that).

I also decided to raise a bilingual child but knew my llimitations and sent them to a school that only uses the second language, didn't actually think I'd rapidly learn a new language as a new parent to a level of fluency good enough to teach!

I never coached my children in spellings/maths as preschoolers as I think it's bullshit developmentally and not at all in their best interests. I make learning fun though and as a SAHM I had ample time to make up "games" that had an educational angle.

“I think pps on here are very harsh to the OP.”

I don’t disagree with the basic premise. But I think the OP just posted about this in the hope of forty pages of people telling them what a marvellous job they’re doing and of course their “acquaintance” was in the wrong, what an awful parent they must be. It’s just a bit off.

OP I think you should give your kids teachers a bit more credit!

@secular39 are you implying that children with SEN would be fine if their parents weren't just such lazy arses? Because that's what it sounds like.

I think you’ve lost the plot…. My kids have fun when they’re not at school. Anything they learn while doing this is a bonus. I’m surprised they are not completely fed up…. You will put them off by the time their 10. Let them have some bloody fun.

I think pps on here are very harsh to the OP. Having worked in many mainstream schools, reading OP's comments is not surprising. However, I predominantly work with children with special educational needs so my opinion may not be reflective of the whole population.

I work across three secondary schools and many children start off in year 7 having the reading age of below 6. Not only that, I've met many students, who have difficulties with spelling, forming narratives, losing track in fast paced lessons. I regularly do to teachers meetings and 10/10 of a child
Is not performing well, they blame the parents.

I am a firm believer that you cannot rely on a school to help your child, no offence, but your child is just another pupil/a number in your class. You may be lucky to get a good teacher who pushes you and gathers supports for your needs. However, they have 30 children to worry about and are incredibly overworked as it.

I understand that parents comes from different backgrounds and beliefs, which may hinder their ability to not only recognise but to support their children. Academics is not everything, it's good to teach life skills, being compassionate etc. But being a competent at reading and writing (academically speaking) is essential in my opinion.

I did have a friend who was complaining about the school, that her child was not progressing, I did advice her to seek tutoring (she had the number- a lot!) but refused as she said it was the schools job. Honestly, I found her a drain to be around anyway.

But to answer your last question, would I move to get my child into the best school, it depends on many factors, if we are talking about children with special needs, yes I would do it as there's hardly any schools around that cater to them- let alone good ones. However, I do believe being nearer to family and being a part of the community (not so much) is important and I wouldn't want my children to miss out- that's if I had the choice

Mine goes to the closest school because I don't think getting up at 6am and riding a bike through rush hour traffic is conducive to arriving in the best frame of mind.

Yes parents have a big responsibility but saying it loud is considered ‘privileged’ and ‘out of touch’ because taking responsibility for your own children is so last century. For many, It’s everyone else’s responsibility to educate, discipline, clothe and feed their children. Not theirs.