To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

I teach my kids all the stuff they need to know that school doesn't teach - how to cook, ride a bike, mend a puncture, iron a shirt, save and invest money, have good manners. The basics of life. I expect school to educate them to be able to pass final exams. I'm not capable of teaching GCSE maths or science I tried a fucking failed miserably during lockdown so somethings I have to rely on school for. I also can't teach a musical instrument and have to rely on private tutors. (Did you not engage outside help to ensure your DC could speak another language?) But I appreciate not everybody can afford music tuition (should people who can't afford music lessons not have a child?)

Your post sounds very privileged OP. Other than hearing a child read, many parents aren't able to teach their children academic subjects, which is why school exists and why parents desperately hated schools being closed during lockdown. Many people aren't able to move house to be close to a good school.

Of course parents are the primary educators, and their support is 100% necessary to ensure a child achieves their best by providing a safe and secure home, and making sure the child is happy and healthy so they're able to learn effectively at school.

And the phonics screening test involves children being able to identify sounds, so even some good readers need to be coached in that, and yes the school should have taught the child, and unless the child has an SEN or is a late developer, or just not a visual learner, it's usually possible to ensure a child passes. It's really not the parents who should be ensuring a child passes the phonics test. It's the parents who should be encouraging a love of books.

I'd much rather be at a "failing" school my dad moved house to be in the catchment for a top school I was bullied relentlessly and tried to end my own life. My DD is happy at her Ofsted rated Good school has many friends and isn't the best academically but I'd prefer she was happy then moving her and risking what happened to me.

I did Kumon with my DD and she cried every time and said she didn't want to go. I'm doing a full time nursing university course and to be honest I don't have as much time as I'd like to give for work outside of school. I think there's a balance I do ask school for extra work because my DD is behind but I don't make her do it everyday anymore.

All rhus stuff can be modelled from birth.

There's another thread going where the op is raging that due to covid her kids have missed out on swimming lessons (yeah, the 30 mins max per week for a term that is on the curriculum that no non-swimmer would be able to learn anything productive): IMHO water safety/confidence is very much a parenting responsibility - mine had both had enough "cling on to mum and occasionally doggy paddle like mad' sessions in our local pool with me before they found their own form of front crawl/breast stroke and were way beyond their peers by the time their weekly schlep to school lessons came along.

Parents have a responsibility for the non-academic side (that the school enhances with PSHCEE lessons), teachers have a responsibility for the academic side (that parents enhance with access to quiet space to do homework, reading, times tables in the car, whatever)

Catchment areas for schools change year on year so a road or area that's in catchment one year might not be the next. So it's not always possible (or affordable) to guarantee getting "the best" school.

While I agree parents should (in most cases) be responsible for teaching kids the basics including toilet training, independent dressing/undressing, manners, social etiquette (waiting your turn etc) there are things that are best they learn at school.
Even at primary level some of the grammar is stuff I havent the faintest idea about (Fronted adverbials, clauses etc) not because I am uneducated, simply because it wasnt part of the curriculum in the 80s/90s. My friend is an author and even she doesnt understand primary grammar!

And even though I did A level maths, I've struggled to remember much of it that's not used in daily life. My DD is doing GCSEs and I can proof read things for spelling, (some grammar) repetition etc and help with the odd maths topic or occassionally advise on art...but other than that at this point, I'm afraid my role is to provide the required equipment and books, space to study, and ensure she sets time to do homework and complete it to the best of her ability. I help her come up with or refine ideas for creative subjects, but something like science I'm literally no help at all! My own parents had no input into my schoolwork past a certain point, I used siblings and friends for help.

YANBU that the parents input is really important.

But your friend is an extreme case.

Happily raising their kid to be one of the ones that calls you a swot if you are at all enthusiastic. 🤦

I'm lucky that I like reading and was provided with plenty of fiction and nonfiction books as a child and my family visited interesting places. And I once got given a maths computer game because I didn't like maths so I struggled 😄

Not everyone will have parents with the same background though. My house now has loads of books and luckily the DC are wee readers like me.

I wouldn't see me ever moving house to get near to a school, but in Scotland the vast majority of children go to the closest local schools, so it's not so much of a thing here.

@GeorgiaGirl52 What sort of memories will your children have? Riding in the car with mother and reciting the times tables? Nighttime spelling quizzes?

Funnily enough, you can let your DC learn through life experiences… and also read with them! You don’t have to plan strict lessons. All you need to do is read with your DC (pre-school age) for maybe 5 mins or less a night. It encourages a love of reading and learning.

Also @washingmachines4 what do you mean by “teaching my DC Chinese”? Which Chinese dialect? Can you read Chinese characters and know all the dialects (or even one, for that matter).

I feel it's a joint effort.

It's the school's job to teach my child academic things and for me to follow their lead and support that at home (reading, spellings, homework etc.) They are trained professionals and I don't want to interfere with their methods or confuse anything.

It's my job to teach my child manners, life skills and values and I expect the school to support that.

I think parents are responsible for the basics eg using cutlery, sharing, please and thank you, dressing, tying shoe laces etc.

Also, DC who are read to on a regular basis at home (or even better, parents take the time to listen to their DC read) will perform better with their reading and writing. If your DC isn’t encouraged at home, then they’ll be less likely to be motivated at school.

Certain things are for parents to teach.
Table manners, tying shoe laces, getting dressed, basic hygiene and teeth brushing , telling the time.
Otherwise it’s about providing support - eg reading, homework, trips to museums etc
To not read with a child is a failing in my opinion.

You are privileged and have easy (young) children without additional needs. Why not be grateful you have it so easy.

it sounds like your doing a wonderfull job op , its inspired me to such an extent that tonight instead of running around like a nutter cooking dinner and vaccuming the house whilst iv been at work all day and my 13 yr old is playing roblox that im going to not bother with it all and teach her fractions instead

People are being very kind to call this just ‘a bit smug’, although possibly what I think could get me reported.

So what you’re saying is if parents have a low level of literacy or limited time eg because they work 2 jobs to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads that their children should be forever uneducated and poor? Charming. Fwiw I think school is important and am also making sure my child can attend schools I think suitable - after all that’s where they will learn Chinese, not when they’re home with me who has like you failed to learn more than the basics of mandarine. I can afford to buy lots of books and not work shifts that mean I have time to read to my child; which makes them extremely privileged. I’m not too busy caring for disabled siblings and elderly parents (yet) and I have a supportive husband to share the load whcih makes my children extremely privileged. I can afford and prepare good food to feed their growing brains which makes them extremely privileged. I can afford to buy a house in a location that means my child can attend a good school (again, because that’s where they will learn a lot) i’ll be there to support my child and am capable of reviewing and helping them across most gcse subjects, which makes them extremely privileged. I hope they recognise this privilege and the advantages it gives them compared to others whose parents havent the education and/or time themselves to support their learning, nor the money and understanding of the system that comes with privilege to be able to send them to great schools, and are too busy keeping things going at home to model learning culture. I hope they don’t just think they earned their own way compared to others less fortunate because no matter how hard my children have worked and how smart they are that’s not true.

Maybe your friend should put a bit more effort in. That doesn’t change the fact that your attitude is pretty insufferably smug and blinkered.

As both a parent and a teacher, I'd say that the ideal way is in the middle.

Before children start school, parents are the primary teachers as well as the primary carers. I think that they should talk to their children (from when they are babies, not wait until they can talk themselves), teach them self help and self care skills (toileting, how to brush their teeth, dressing and undressing, use of cutlery), teach them social skills (sharing, taking turns, how to ask if they need help, being able to wait a few moments for attention if an adult is talking to someone else - these won't all be achievable, depending on a child's developmental stage etc, but children should be encouraged to develop these skills) and parents should share books with children from when they are young babies.

When children start school, then ideally, parents and teachers will become partners, sharing their knowledge of the child but teachers become the primary educators. Parents' role becomes more supportive. They need to read with their children daily, provide a quiet space for homework and get them to school on time.

If a child shows an interest in something they have learned at school and a parent is able to encourage that at home (eg by providing art materials, going on museum trips, planting seeds together etc) that is brilliant but not all parents have the time, money, skills or confidence to do so.

I taught my daughter to make a cup of tea yesterday. Right now I'm lying in bed and can hear her making me one for the first time on her own. I heartily support teaching your children. I tend to stick to useful life skills though

Also tbh I am not from a privileged background (also 2nd gen immigrant) but every single one of my siblings and maternal cousins went to a grammar school. So I’d be a bit wary of accusing someone of having privilege just because they value education. Mostly families like ours value it precisely because of having limited opportunities themselves.

That said, I wouldn’t consider allowing them to go to any old school, before we had children we moved house and one of the criteria for me was that we were in a catchment for multiple good schools well good for you. Not everyone can afford to move. Not everyone can live by multiple good schools, someone has to go to the "bad" schools

Your post comes across a bit smug tbh. I mean well done for getting a cd of songs but what do you want? A medal? People are all trying to do their best. They might not have the confidence to teach their children. They might want to let their kids play out of school time. They might not know 3 different languages to teach their child.

I agree with you to an extent, I think it’s my job to get DD started and support her and the school and yup when the time comes the school my Dd goes to will matter very much to me. I expect to be an involved and encouraging parent. But it’s very much a hand in hand thing, school teaches, I help on the edges where I can.

It’s also one thing to admit you aren’t equipped to help teach your kids (chemistry 😱 - can’t do it) it’s different to discourage as your friend does. I’d definitely judge a parent for mocking their child for taking an interest in books.

In primary school what you say is all very fine op. I definitely contributed heavily in the children's progress. Now with 12-17 yo kids I have very little to add to DS further maths and physics A level studies🤔😂

I think you're being given a hard time here. I think culturally, what you are saying is at odds with the majority in UK. I'm Chinese, and my children are a little bit older than you. I agree that the basics should be covered just as you describe. To previous poster, yes I can teach quadratics, and even calculus. I can teach photosynthesis and more but then I have a degree in Chemistry and did Maths at 1st year University. I admit to helping my children when they get stuck. My husband has a degree in Politics, A levels in History, Law as well. Between us we can help our children across the curriculum. I have moved house twice , and personally tutored both children to get in a superselective Grammar school. At Grammar school parents evening, a large number are Asian parents, even though we represent a tiny small percentage of UK parent population, it is not a coincidence they all want to apply to Grammar school. There are white parents and all kinds of nationalities just as invested.. they spend life time amounts of money on tutors, private to education and so on.

I'd say keep your beliefs to yourself, but be open minded that we come from a position of privilege and most people can't apply these principles.

I think we come from a position of great privilege and most can't give what we can give. It doesn't mean they are not good parents. But it does mean, the playing field is not level when it comes to opportunity for our children. For example, my neighbor is an architect and has offered a work in experience placement at his practice to my daughter. It's not fair and it's not right but that's how the world rolls
Life is not fair. Studies show, academic success is down to how involved the parents are at home. They may not be in a position to teach calculas but they will spot weak points and they will work out ways to find a solution or help.