Male midwives - aibu

People need to learn to keep some things private.

I actually need to have an intimate examination tomorrow and when I made the appointment today I asked if the doctor would be female. The receptionist said that it was a male doctor for that appointment but if I'm prepared to wait tomorrow, I will be able to see a female.

It is so important to me. If I can't see a female then it's a barrier to receiving treatment.

Fine to ask, will obviously depend on who's available when she goes in though.

I had a male midwife (27 years ago yesterday actually!) - was very professional but had hands like spades and actually hurt me when he examined me to check dilation (unintentionally obviously!)

The whole post was bizarre but really, that bit. Weird.

@RosesAndHellebores I think you ought to read back your first post actually, particularly this part:
*
I find it far more peculiar to have a woman rooting around down there than a man to be perfectly honest.*

Now why on earth would it be peculiar to have a female HCP providing intimate healthcare? What on earth could possibly be strange with it?

Absolutely bizarre comment.

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@Biancadelrioisback - hence my final para. Do please read it.[/quote]
I did. The majority of you post and your previous one are talking purely about how you don't mind blah blah blah. I mean, great, good for you.

I did this I only wanted women in the room with me apart from dp.
It turned out I needed an epidural and the only person available was a man but hey ho

After the experience I had following DS's traumatic birth and subsequent resuscitation in the corridor, when a male consultant entered my room while I was drugged up and traumatised because I hadn't been allowed to see my new baby before he was whisked away and I wasn't even sure if was even alive, and rammed his whole fist into my vagina to remove retained blood clots, without looking at me, making eye contact or speaking to me, I will never be happy with a male medical professional ever again.
I will always request female only for anything that involves getting in my personal space.

@Biancadelrioisback - hence my final para. Do please read it.

You seem to be confusing sexual partners with HCPs, Roses.

HCPs are not in any way (or should not) in a sexual relationship with patients.

And also 'full access' ... Like a woman's the Channel Tunnel granting site access to roadworkers or something.

Such an odd framing.

If people only want a woman, ask for it. It is very important that all women start to assert their expectations around ante natal, labour and post natal care.

Then don't make contradictory comments about how it's unfathomable why someone would want to advocate such a thing. Worry about doing it and coming up against that opinion is what makes self advocating difficult.

I take on board the comments but that's how I feel personally.

I would always want the most competent, kindest person, male or female, regardless of the procedure.

One point I would make is that a Dr, be it male gynaecologist or female GP has never hurt me taking a smear test. So many practice nurses have, and have made inappropriate comments, that I now pay in order to exercise choice over who does it.

If people only want a woman, ask for it. It is very important that all women start to assert their expectations around ante natal, labour and post natal care. No woman should feel they must be grateful for sub-optimal care and every time poor care or care that makes a patient feel uncomfortable is delivered, then women must complain. Only then will things improve.

What's with all the posts detailing the many awful female midwives they've had in comparison to the one saintly gentle kind male midwife they had. It's completely and utterly irrelevant.
If I request a female midwife, it is about my feelings my safety my dignity. The males intentions or demeanour or professionalism isn't the issue, and yes their are rude/kind people of each sex. However, I, and many other women feel more safe and relaxed around other females and would find it upsetting/traumatising to have a male midwife sprung on them suddenly.

Women should be warned in advance if there's a chance of a male midwife, it absolutely shouldn't be sprung on them when they're at their most vulnerable. The onus should be on HCP to find out whether a woman would feel safe prior to the event not^^ on a woman who may or may not feel comfortable objecting when she is at her most vulnerable and likely terrified. And male midwives should fully expect that as part of their jobs.

I also can't believe the amount of posters who can't see the difference between a midwife and an emergency/any other type of care. My experience with a midwife is unlike any other experience with a HCP. It's completely unique.
Yes some women would want female HCPs in as many circumstances as possible but there is no hypocrisy in a woman who would choose a female midwife but have no issue with other HCP being male.

Carboncheque
’Female only here for everything possible. Doctors. Dentists. In fact anyone who is in my personal space.’

Same.

Why are women always expected o cast their own feelings, needs and wants aside to make the men folk feel better?

Most private breast surgery consultants are male. Doesn’t mean it’s safe. Plenty of examples where the abused women, acted like god and basically had no respect for the women they were seeing.

If my partner had to have surgery on his penis there is no way he would feel comfortable with a woman. Yet he probably doesn’t even have to think about it as the chances of having a female surgeon are remote. This is because of tradition, patriarchy and social engineering. I read that Boris Johnson’s mum was the first married women to graduate from Oxford University. This wasn’t 100s of years ago but 55 years at the most. Women have come so far but there is still a traditional glass ceiling in medicine. But it will change. More women are studying medicine then men. It will have to adapt and be more flexible and it will as the old boys die,

I think OP that YANBU. I wouldn't have wanted a male midwife, whether that's sexist or not.

Women have the right to chose whether they want a male midwife or not. Childbirth is not a medical condition to be treated, it’s a natural part of the human experience to be supported. It needs “treatment” when it goes wrong, and putting a woman under stress will mean things are more likely to go wrong!!

I was consultant led (woman) she was brutal and completely lacking in empathy, my main midwife in hospital was female and the same, neither listened, both very dismissive and talked over me. She went on break and a male midwife came round, he was lovely, kind, reassuring, actually put in the request for an epidural that my midwife said she had whilst rolling her eyes, he also had a lovely friendly manner. I was disappointed when he was going and she was coming back. The consultant anaesthetist who botched my epidural was a woman as was the midwife who want listening when I was telling her it hasn't worked so I gave birth with just gas and air, fine if that's what you wanted but it wasn't for me. The surgeon who performed my emergency surgery and ventouse when DS got stuck and distressed was a man, very calm, non judgemental - I was pretty distressed by that point. The nurse who sewed me up and the midwife on the ward after were both lovely. So I had a mixed experience that had nothing to do with their sex.
However, I feel very strongly you should be able to request your own sex for medical issues if that's what you feel comfortable with, my dad has had some intimate medical issues and requested a male doctor. Absolutely fine.

I doubt it is a joke. But it's a stunning example of lack of empathy..

I really hope this is a joke.