Male midwives - aibu

I'd want the best midwife, nurse, Dr, consultant to delivery my baby and wouldn't think twice about their gender, too busy pushing, but totally understand why someone might not want a male midwife and that should be respected

You have to look wider at society and how men treat women and the dynamic there to realise it really is NOT the same as ‘sexism’

Look at what percentage of women have been raped or sexually assaulted by a male. Nearly every single one of us will have been harassed by or made to feel uncomfortable by men’s inappropriate behaviour

Until we live in a society where that isn’t happening there is no way you can even question why a lot of women are not comfortable with a man in intimate vulnerable situations

Is it her 1st baby?

With my first, I might have said I preferred a female, however, I ended up having an emergency c section and there were quite a few men in the theatre.

For my 2nd, I didn't care, just wanted capable professionals. There was a male Dr involved in the end stages of the birth, it didn't bother me in the slightest

So I had 2 female student midwives but it was a male doctor who had his hand up there doing things that were very painful so I guess the question becomes how far does this preference go?

Make sure she also puts down that she doesnt want any students to observe or practice!
I never cared but with my 2nd, I was induced and the midwife came in to check how far along I was. She stood at the curtain and said "would it be ok if a couple of students came in and watched?" I said yes, and in came 6 student; 4 women and 2 men, and then the midwife all squeezed in my curtained cubicle. They all had a good look while she checked and I felt a little bit like an exhibit.

I had female midwives and male doctors looking at my fanny

A male stitched me up and asked my DH "does that look okay" and my DH was like how the fuck should I know? (the male was a different nationality so maybe a husband's opinion matters!)

The point is that there may well be men present whether she likes it or not and that was often the way even before transgender became as common as it is now.

Men usually choose which GP they want to see for intimate examinations (or request male or female). So do women.

I think it's an odd thing for a man to choose. If I'd a choice I'd have chosen only women who had given birth themselves. It's harder to refuse a male consultant because of staffing levels. Women need to feel comfortable to progress properly. If a bloke is going to make that harder then he shouldn't be there. You don't need a reason. Although it's blindingly obvious why quite w few women wouldn't want a random man near her when she's at her most vulnerable.

I would always rather have women doing any sort of intimate medical procedure/examination, but I wouldn't have bothered putting down female only midwives/doctors simply because birth is unpredictable, and hospitals are unpredictable. If something goes sideways and the birth suite is rammed, you get whoever is available and most capable in that moment.

I had a male midwife at one of my children's birth - he was absolutely excellent.

I had a female midwife on a different one, and she was not great - put me right off in fact.

The sex of the midwife really shouldn't effect how good they are.

Mine were birthed abroad by an Ob. First was male and fantastic, second was a female and she was bloody awful.
If she is more comfortable with a female, then she should put it on her plan.

There are exemptions from the equality act for personal care (for sex) and I'd certainly say midwifery is personal care. Thankfully women do have a say in who gets to put their fingers in their vagina!

What do you think about women who may have been raped, etc - should they be forced to have examinations done by a man?

I think its fine. I always request a female nurse for smear tests and any form of breast examination etc. Have never been made to feel awkward.

I had one experience with a male midwife; back when they were a very new thing and he was just being trained in a very oldfashioned Maternity hospital in Glasgow, where oldfashioned Matrons ruled with a rod of iron. She came round and asked if I would allow this trainee MW to examine me, which I was perfectly happy to do . Matron lifts my gown to display my belly to display my magnificent linea nigra and asks the MMM
"What do we call this? "
He gasps " Some kind of hideous birthmark! "
Next she invites him to palpate the patient, without speaking to me he plonks his hands on my belly and announces
"She's not letting me examine her, she's as stiff as a board resisting me"
Matron and I say in unison "It's a CONTRACTION".

She took him away after that.

I didn't think about it ahead of time and was a little surprised that one of the midwives was male.

But when push came to shove (er, literally) he was there sitting next to me and I was very happy to grab his hand and be helped by him! Gender preferences just didn't really matter at that point

A male midwife would not bother me. It’s a trained medical professional doing their job. I can understand that some women, for a variety of reasons, would prefer a woman. However if you wouldn’t insist on a woman for any other OB/GYN style check or procedure, I don’t know why you’d insist on one as a midwife.

It's perfectly reasonable, no different to only wanting a female nurse doing your smear.
When I did my birthing plan with my twins I did end up letting a male student give me an internal however I did ask him to cut his fingernails beforehand 😂 because they were quite long & really making me queasy.

She can request that she wants female only midwives but if things aren't straight forward I don't think she'd care whether the medical staff were male or female. Chances are the doctor (if things aren't straight forward) will probably be a man. When my son got stuck a few months ago I had a male doctor who tried to get him out before they went to forceps, I'm sure you can imagine how he tried to help, I really didn't care and just wanted the baby out safe with least damage to me! It didn't work so I ended up with forceps in theatre where he delivered my baby with a mostly male team. Male anesthetist, male theatre technicians and male recovery nurse there was a lot of other people (not quite sure their role) but only the 2 midwives and pediatrician were female. I could not have cared less nor noticed and I'm pretty sure if I'd have said "no men" I'd have been told well there's no one else on duty. By all means request a female midwife but it might be worth explaining that if things turn into an emergency whether the people who are helping you are male or female becomes insignificant.

I didn't care , I just wanted my babies delivered safely.

Its absolutely fine and normal to request female only intimate care. I do this.

Yes she's a bigot for only wanting a female midwife. It's no different to her only wanting a white doctor or only wanting a male plumber.

You can't pick and choose equality.