to feel bad for my kids that we have no family

I know how you feel. I have no one. I work from home, I have a daughter aged 15. No family anymore. Christmas is the worst as it's the two of us and the longest day in the world.

We are in a similar situation OP, although I don't feel guilt, just a bit of sadness. Both mine and DH's parents have passed away, and my side of the family is just me. DH has siblings, but due to distance and their circumstances we see them and their DCs twice a year. We have compensated by having 'chosen family' (close friends), and embedding ourselves in our community both socially and through volunteering. Perhaps because 'birds of a feather...', my close friends are all in a similar position either through losing family or them being in another country. As a result we all see each other as an extended family, which is wonderful.
The DCs are happy with their network. Although I know they would both love to have a grandparent or more around, they are content.

I grew up with even less family than my DCs have, but the only thing I really felt was missing was a sibling. I never missed not having aunts/uncles/cousins, but no sibling was a big gap. I have hoped to solve that by having 2 DCs. It's not a given that they will offer each other companionship, but so far so good. Since my DM passed away, I have also kept in touch with a few of her close friends (her 'chosen family'), and I find that feels like it gives a connection of family. They look out for me in a way I would expect an aunt to. I hope my DCs will have that too from any of my friends that survive me.

We don't have much family close by now that in - laws have passed away. My family and DH's closest sister and her family all live 250+ miles away so we only get to see them a few times a year.
Our friends have become like a family, we feel very settled where we live and are very involved in the local community. We spend most weekends with friends, at least one afternoon/evening sometimes more and have people round to ours or we are invited to theirs or meet up for a meal or day out etc etc.
Are you friends with any of the parents of your DC's friends? If so invite them round for an evening, get involved in local community activities and nuture good friendships. A busy and active social life can fill that gap and i am sure good friends will be happy to be part of the DC birthday celebrations.

We have proxy family.

Godparents. Mine fill the same role as DHs Aunts and Uncles. Have for years. Their children are like cousins.

Old family friends of multiple generations. We meet as whole families for get togethers a few times a year. Plus holidays.

We created our own family.

I have no family outside immediate people but have a big family. DH has loads of blood relatives who we never see. Go figure.

My grandparents, parents and only sibling have passed away. My children have no aunts or uncles, no cousins. There is no one but me.

I get so pissed off when people complain about the littlest things....invites, family childcare issues etc. They dont have a clue how lucky they are.

Growing up - we didn't have any cousins or aunts and uncles. Although we saw relatives a lot they were all ancient great aunts and uncles and we had to be on best behaviour, sitting still, not talking so it was pretty deadly. It always felt like Christmas etc was arranged around them. So I was determined not to do the same for DD and to give her Godparents who were a similar age to us and who have children who can be 'stand-in' cousins. It has advantages as they tend to be people who parent in a similar way to us and who we're obviously got a lot in common with.

We've never had big family gatherings either, but I don't think we're missing out. DD has only one grandparent still alive who we only saw 3 times a year even before lockdown as she isn't interested in being a hands on GP (she's about 3 hours away anyway). DH has one relative still alive, who is about 5 hours away and whom we haven't seen since 2018, although they speak on the phone a couple of times a year. I have a sibling who has a family, but they're 4 hours away in a third(!) direction and we used to see them twice a year before Covid. DD has cousins but she barely knows them.

I did initially struggle with this when I had DD - I seemed to be surrounded by people who had loads of family support whereas we were struggling
on our own. My family were so totally useless and unsupportive at this time that it really made me stop and think about what I wanted our lives to be like. DD has never had a party with anyone other than me and DH there.

So DD has Godparents who are close friends. They aren't currently local but we will be moving near some of them soon and it'll be such a relief to have mutual support around. I am involved in some community stuff, although in my experience they tend to want a lot from you in terms of time so be careful it's something you really want to do!

And remember, your kids will have no idea - their reality is what happens now.

The xmas adverts are the worst. Big families round the table, plenty food, lots of chat. Its just been us 4 for years. Feel so bad.

We are/were the same op, i totally get it. Now they have girlfriends with big extended families and we dont. Its shite.

I get you too op. Lots of my side of the family have passed away incl my parents and after getting divorced my exes family want nothing to do with me and my dcs. We are lucky to have my lovely cousins.

Tell me about it ! I'm exactly the same. Just me and my dd and her dad who doesn't live with us but is part of her life. I worry so much that it's just us and the guilt is overwhelming. We had a large family but have lost close family members over the years so now we are tiny. I long for huge family christmases again. I see facebooks posts of friends with their large extended family's and feel a pang of jealousy.

We are the same. It cuts deep. O can't say it gets any easier, even after 8 years of parenthood and distant/disinterested families. I wish my children had doting grandparents and fun aunties but they don't and never will..I try to give them all the love/fun/support they need and hopefully we'll be closer for that. It won't ever change so it's all you can do.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Those happy families might be arguing, might have money disputes, might have endless problems. Forget about the family you don’t have.

We didn't have much family and once the grandparents had gone, nobody really apart from one or two cousins of mine who are very nice but whom we only see occasionally. I only have one child!

He has loads of friends, some are really close, and it has never bothered him. It doesn't bother me either, there isn't anything I can do about it anyway.

I grew up knowing lots of cousins and having family gatherings. It was more common before social media and mobile phones to keep in touch. My kids don't have it.. either because of fractured families, spread out family or people just not being as bothered.. but they don't know any different and are happy so that's enough for me!

We don’t live near family and love our local church every week as it’s friendly and we know people of all ages there. They always seem to care about us and vice versa and the children too enjoy the friendly chatting at the end of the service.
I also have such a special family we are close to whose families aren’t near either and we have become like family to each other. Her teenager will confide in me and I feel so honoured she’s like another Dd when she’s otherwise very shy and anxious.

I grew up without any extended family. Just the 4 of us. I had no idea I was missing anything. I loved my family and we were really close. Just thought a different perspective would help. Kids are very accepting and you can make things wonderful for just the four of you.

We are in the same situation but only because we are expats. We have friends who are our family. We do Christmas, Easter, and other celebrations together.

We don't have much family around us. My parents live abroad. Most of the DC's dad's family live in another country and his mum who lives close by is not that bothered. The DC see her and their great uncle on 27th December and their grandma the odd other time. I have a brother, sis-in-law and nephew and we meet up when we can but we are 3 hours away from each other so not so often. It's a shame as I also remember meet ups with lots of cousins being great fun!

The same here OP, all deceased unfortunately :(
It doesn't help that a lot of things in the UK is structured around the expectation that you have supportive family.
I found moving to a bigger city can help, there's a greater spread of types of people and lots of foreigners, who won't be near their family either. I find neighbourly support and socialisation actually much better than i expected which came as a surprise

Nothing special about having a bunch of people foisted on you that you don't like; choose your own friends.

We do have family on both sides so not the same. But my youngest just turned 18 and, like his DSis a couple of years earlier, his Sunday afternoon “family” party in the pub garden was filled with friends of my DH and me, and their families, who have known him all his life. Very much a case of “friends are the family you choose for yourself”.

"The thinner the string, the tighter the knot" my grandmother said.

My entire family - three generations - consists of six people and that includes in-laws. You just need to be tighter. Establish traditions for holidays and birthdays. And encourage your children to marry into large families when they grow up, so they will have what you want for them.