AIBU to quit my career even though I have DCs

As pp have said, law is stressful so yanbu to think about quitting.

But I also agree with pp that fear of making mistakes can cause stress in any job and that also needs addressing. There was a thoughtful article in the Guardian this week:-

www.theguardian.com/money/2021/aug/12/ready-to-quit-your-job-here-are-the-17-questions-to-ask-yourself-first

I would at least take a break and regroup.

Hm - I think you need to give counselling a real go and try to understand the root of the problem and whether it is specifically your job or something which will follow you to any role. Sure you will be able to find strategies to help you cope. You also don’t need to leave the law completely - could switch to a PSL role or teach eg LPC equivalent for a bit ? I do get the stress (I’m about the same level of qualification as you with 2 kids).

I am a law escapee too, but what I've found, because legal skills are highly transferable and a certain type of people get to a certain level then you can risk ending up in a similarly stressful, high demand role almost accidentally. I have. It's now worse than ever.
I'm just starting to realise that at a certain point I must drive myself at this kind of role.

If you do love law then maybe look at in-house legal roles or compliance. It's mainly what I deal with it and it keeps me mentally challenged and well paid, but as said above, be aware to stop things before they spiral again.
If you do decide to completely step off the career treadmill, be warned, you may regret it later. I did for 4 years, and I hated it eventually.

I used to find admin work terribly dull. It's not well paid and not well respected. I used to come home from work and cry with frustration.

I would consider addressing your anxiety first and moving to a less stressful area (in-house?) before making such a drastic switch.

I sympathise - lawyer too and it is a very anxiety inducing role. I moved to compliance but would not say it is less stressful. Don’t feel bad about it, it is a profession known for poor mental health and well-being .

@Lucycantdance I know two lawyers who were in your situation. One went to work for a small charity and the other for a larger NGO but part time. Both said it was by far the best choice.

Could you ask for a 6 month leave of absence which will give you time to clear your head, get more in-depth counseling for mental health and anxiety and perhaps start looking for your next step? Gives you time to get everything sorted before giving up the role permanently.

I left a fancy media job so I could actually spend time with DP and DSS. I haven’t regretted it in the sense I get paid more now and have much more time but also, being very honest, I hate the fact I do an admin job when I used to be “important” (this is ridiculous, I know, and I’m not saying admin jobs aren’t!) and I really miss the work.

I did a career change in my 30s with 2 kids. I had been anxious and unhappy for a while. I looked on jobs boards to see what was out there. Did this for 3 years until dream job opportunity came up. I left and it’s been really great. Good work-life balance, anxiety much reduced, small pay cut, but then got a promotion. I was lucky that DH had a stable job and was supportive. Good luck on exploring all your options - I’m sure you have lots of transferable skills

I went through the exact same thing. Am over the other side now. My advice. Tough it out.

Another ex-lawyer now teacher. Best decision I ever made. Law firms are awful for part-time work. You end up doing 90% of the workload for 60% of the pay.
Having school holidays off will benefit your DC for the next 10-15 years, even into their college days. Even when they're done you need that time for yourself and your home.
I can't wait to tell my DIL (when I have them) that I'm free to help with school holiday care.

I gave up(family) law when my 3 children were small and I separated from my ex. I couldn't cope with the stress of it all. I took a 3 day a week job as a family support worker which meant much less stress and also meant I could claim working family tax credit (as it then was) .

I decide to go back to law when they hit their teens and were more independent as I realised that as each child left my income would decrease dramatically. I now work in child protection and the stress is worse than ever but now that the kids are older teens I can cope.

What sort of law do you do?

It's not so much the mistakes as the way you're reacting. There are people out there making massive mistakes every day who don't give a monkeys. You can learn to compartmentalize.

Of course. I moved to primary teaching - family friendly hours/holidays and luckily got a job within walking distance (that was v good luck). I love the job too and I’m looking forward to going back after the Summer holidays. I’m not in the UK though, I understand that primary teaching is v different there. However, you could look into similar roles eg teaching assistant.

How was your mat leave each time? Did you take a proper break, or the bare minimum?

Have you considered taking a sabbatical from law, as opposed to quitting it permanently? I know taking time out intuitively doesn't sound like it will help with the anxiety - you'll lose some of the day-to-day knowledge - but there are some really good programmes out there for returners when you come back, and if you've been struggling since having kids, taking a year out to work on your anxiety and develop some coping strategies might not be the worst move if it's something you can afford.

In house, compliance and/or audit, Procurement (a law degree is a huge asset). Commercial bid work

Legal skills are massively transferable especially if you have practised.
What type of law do you practice?

I came to suggest going in-house too. I love it. It can still be pressured but it doesn't feel as over the top stressful

It sounds like you could do with a break and clear your head.

If you love the law, you don't have to leave it. Once you are on steadier ground, consider going in-house. The work is more varied and commercial and mistakes don't matter as much as in private practice and the time lines are gentler. Join a legal team , rather than sole counsel, so that you are not the only one doing everything.

Apart from inhouse in a company, if you like to continue working in a law firm, it is not just being a PSL, you can also join the risk and compliance team - they would typically do AML, conflicts checks, engagement letters, SRA compliance. Again, join an existing team. The work is interesting and it is easier to get part time roles.

I am not in law but feel the same as you- and spent yesterday crying about something minor. My husband thinks i should take a break from work to reset myself and I would like to but it will half our household income. I change my mind daily between loving working and wanting to quit to spend more time with the children. I have no answer but just letting you know you aren’t alone!

Oh god I know exactly what you mean. The anxiety is crippling and there is no logical reason for it. I started taking sertraline which has really helped.

I had to leave my job through anxiety, so I understand how difficult it all is. Came to a head when I was discovered trying to break my foot with a hammer so I had a genuine reason mot to go to work the next day.

If you don't want to work there, and you can afford not to, and your DH is happy to give up his ambitions if it puts a strain on the finances, then of course look after your health. But I wonder if the anxiety you have now about law, wont just go away but will just be transferred to another area of your life. I think you should work on your anxiety itself, whether that be by taking time off before starting a new job, or by having counseling while you're working. Anxiety is such an awful thing to deal with - I do honestly know - so I wish you all the best.