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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that courts shouldn't give domestic abusers access to children?

82 replies

Yuui · 15/08/2021 19:12

I entirely understand that this is the AIBU section so I might get flamed, but this topic really does bother me.

I know more than one person whose partner seriously physically or sexually abused them and still got given access to their kids. Personally, I just can't see how this is a good idea? I mean, an adult who is happy to beat/rape/ ..etc [insert awful thing here] probably is going to be an unsafe influence on a child, unless there are some incredibly strong mitigating factors. What do the rest of you think about this matter?

OP posts:
gardeninggirl68 · 15/08/2021 19:21

remember, your kids are only little for a short time.....once they are 11 they can choose. unless that parent is a continued threat then you lose the battle.

gardeninggirl68 · 15/08/2021 19:19

@CrazyNeighbour......nope,not always

Mumtoone3 · 15/08/2021 19:19

Completely agree with this too. Contact with the children often result in the mother’s/other parent still be subjected to abuse - coming from personal experience

gardeninggirl68 · 15/08/2021 19:19

i've been through it too. my kids are adults now and do have some semblance of a relationship with their (once abusive) father

i kept that open for them in a controlled way, through the courts with cafcass. eldest has never wanted anything to do with him, the others do a bit. no point banning all contact.....they will find the abusive parent when older and thats when you will find yourself quite helpless

CrazyNeighbour · 15/08/2021 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumtoone3 · 15/08/2021 19:15

As someone who has gone through this, I completely agree. Yes they might not have physically harmed their child or children, but mentally and emotionally they absolutely have as a lot of these children will have heard or seen things that have happened. There is also no saying that they could physically abuse their children when they are older, mouthy and stroppy teenagers for example?

gardeninggirl68 · 15/08/2021 19:14

its about the rights of the child though.....the courts aren't giving anything to abusers,they are giving access on behalf of the child.....they legally have a right to a relationship with both parents

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