To think that courts shouldn't give domestic abusers access to children?

Enough4me

I totally agree. The vast majority of abusers are men and its ridiculous whataboutery to suggest otherwise.

@mumtoone3 I completely agree. A family member of mine was the victim of domestic abuse, including in front of her children. Court upheld contact with a father who had never really shown interest before, but he now uses this to continue hurting the mother, just in different ways. And now the children are older (stroppy teenagers!) he has become physical towards them. Including strangling one so hard that the marks still showed at school the next day. SS told the 13 year old to apologise as he had started it. He had pushed his dad while arguing. Unbelievable, and yet it happened.

Yanbu

I know of a convicted paedophile given unsupervised access to his bio daughter the half sister of his 6 year old victim.

Family court judges are wholly biased towards mens rights and do not act in the best interests of the child.

@gardeninggirl68 most abusers are men.

Let's focus on the majority of the scenarios in court and keep using words like mother and woman. They are not Victorian words nor concepts, and they are completely relevant to the context of this thread.

You are free to start a separate thread about abused men, but cannot enforce your views on others.

Its shit but they are the childs dad so they have rights to see them. Howether sick in the head they are. My violent rapist has recently had a child, some lovely pics on FB poor child and mother.

I have a no direct or indirect court order for my two prohibiting their father. I don't see that as a good outcome either

Yes I agree. If you have children with a violent person, even if you leave them you face your children having to be around them without you there, which is terrifying.

As an adult I might agree but the children (and grown up children) that I know in similar situations have an inexplicable desire and need to see their other parent. I think if the child wants to see the parent then there should be some sort of supervised access not involving the other parent

[quote Peppapigforlife]@PumpkinKlNG that is really really strange. I've known people who have been threatened by ss that if they had any contact with their violent ex they would have their child taken away.[/quote]
Yes and then there are the cases where SS are saying no contact with abuser and the courts order contact. That happens and its not rare.

@gardeninggirl68 I am uncomfortable with you selectively quoting my experience in this way.

Please let me speak for myself.

Senseless trauma

@StrawberryPuff yes, its uncomfortable for a lot of people to acknowledge FEMALES as an abuser

but look at the news this week. women abusing children along with men.

its a grey area. people say abusers never change etc etc. well yes they can. some abusers are new parents, young themselves, lacking in knowledge and maturity. Too many people look at their own experiences and fix their minds to think its the same for every case, they don't consider the complexities of individual cases.....thats where the courts come in and hear case by case

[quote Peppapigforlife]@gardeninggirl68 you do realise you're on a website created for mother's issues. İssues we, as mothers, relate to. Therefore the common denominator in most conversations will be mothers. The clue is in the title. İf you want to vary up your language to fit your personal experiences, that's your personal choice, but İ have every right to relate to my female and mothering experiences with descriptions of female experiences.[/quote]
no its a site 'for parents' as in the MN strapline

theres a dads sub forum as well....its for all parents

"@Thisnamewasnttaken123 yeah and even if kids don't actually see what goes on, they can sense it and they're so in tune with who is a good person to be around and who isn't. A child isn't suddenly going to be comfortable completely around an abuser because an abuser has a whole personality of abuse, even if they try to hide it behind charm."

Absolutely! I found also you think they don't see or hear things, that you hide it well, but kids arent stupid they see it, they feel it.
Best thing my ex ever did was not see my kids again, unfortunately he created more kids with someone else but she didn't leave straight away and the carnage he has left behind him after leaving her for someone else has been horrible.

Abusers don't generally stop abusing.
They aren't good for kids.
I have managed to give my children a decent upbringing, I left early enough when they were young enough to be able to repair.
When I look at his current ex and see what I could have ended up like after she stayed for longer and their kids are older, I am thankful I am not her.

İf the rules were changed, I'm sure a lot of abusers wouldn't get their partners pregnant just to have more control over them and a lot of women wouldn't stay with abusive men. A lot stay because they fear not being able to protect their child if their partner was given unsupervised access, or fear losing the child to manipulation. The rules as they are just enable more men to abuse women because they know they can use the children as a pawn.

@Thisnamewasnttaken123 yeah and even if kids don't actually see what goes on, they can sense it and they're so in tune with who is a good person to be around and who isn't. A child isn't suddenly going to be comfortable completely around an abuser because an abuser has a whole personality of abuse, even if they try to hide it behind charm.

@SafeMove I'm so sorry to hear that . İs that in the UK? I know 50/50 is common in the states whatever the circumstances.

My violent ex was allowed supervised access.
He didn't bother with the kids and the difference it made over time once he stopped access for good was unbelievable my son who was the eldest at the time (my daughter was only a baby) was so much happier without him and flourished.
Being around violent abusers is bad for kids.
I do wish kids needs were recognised more in relation to this.

My ex left me with broken bones. He got 50/50, basically because he is rich. I can't do anything about it. He continues to try abuse me but luckily I have a barrier to that now. He has never physically abused the children.

However, he does coercively control them. And I can not tell you the untold damage that splitting their time 50/50 between two homes is causing. That is something that is overlooked most.

Yanbu

PumpkinKlNG that is really really strange. I've known people who have been threatened by ss that if they had any contact with their violent ex they would have their child taken away.

well exactly, when I called the police on him they reported me to ss who only left because he wasn’t having an contact only to he told a few years later I should contact him 🤦‍♀️