to be annoyed at the text my older Sister just set me re; Christmas presents?

Oh, this is the Alastair troll. They've popped up on a few other threads today

This nephew is now 28. Wonder what he got for Xmas off his Aunty when he was 11?

Have you just woken up from a 17 year coma where you were mid typing?

Me and my SIL do this every year!!! It means that we can buy our DC's something we know they will like and as we have large families we both spend enough time trailing round the shops wondering "would such and such like this?"

It's just a timesaver tbh and I didn't feel put out when she first suggested this.

This year she has asked that we don't buy for her and bil as they can't afford to buy back but my dh is insisting we get them something anyway as you "don't give to receive" which leaves me in the dilemma will she be embarassed when we hand them over.

Surely, if you buy something and then tell your DC it's from her, that wouldn't be true would it?

I had to tell my sis this year that I can only afford to spend £10 each on my DT neices. She has gone ahead and spent £20 on my DS. Fair enough. It is her perogative and lovely that she can afford to do that. Sadly I'm not in that position but having chatted about it initially there is no problem on either side.

Text and email are not good for discussions of this nature as neither party really knows if there is any underlying agenda on the others part and it can cause bad feeling as it has done here!!!

lol wilkie I think that's a very good idea! A quick chat might really help here!

Since it's family, I don't think there need be all this "you buy for us so we have to buy for you" - again, it's making it all about money. Surely a sister ought to be free to say "Sorry, we're really strapped this year we just can't". We've done that in my family before; if you can't afford it and the other person still wants to buy for you/ your kids, you should accept that graciously I think.

Sorry but FGS - just ring each other rather than text?!?!?!?!?!?

id be glad! im desperately trying to cut down on xmas presents now im not earning. To be honest id rather spend my money on DS than someone elses!! might not have been best way to put it, my mate did same last year and i was so annoyed! now i think thank god! She doesn't want you to buy for her children as she feels that she is put in position to have to buy back.

atorte........did you get a reply back from your sis?

Honoria - thank goodness someone sane out there. I don't have a Christmas budget I just try to get everybody on my list something that I think they will like. Be it £2.50 from Save the Children charity shop or £42 from Jo Malone (grrrrr).

I think it's depressing when it's all about money too. My MIL and SIL are absolutely rigorous about AN AMOUNT for ds, if they get the PERFECT present for him and it's half price, they'll go round buying other bits to make up THE AMOUNT Bless their hearts, it's very sweet, but I do find it a bit odd and unecessary. If the perfect thing for ds is £2.50, it's still perfect, to him!

If you want to give your nephew a present, then give him one. But don't try to embarrass her into having to buy for your children. Maybe she genuinely can't afford it, even though you think money isn't a problem for her. Four extra presents is a lot when you are struggling. My SIL has asked us not to buy for them this year because they can't afford to buy for us. It's no big deal really, and I'd hate to think that she's worrying about buying us presents and not being able to afford what she wants to spend on her own dc.

It's a bit rude. And at this point lots of people have already bought the presents so if I were you i'd say i've already bought nephew a present and leave it at that.

FWIW with the more/less dc thing I know when we were young and mum and my aunt bought for each others kids(are you following) that mum had 3 dc's and my aunt had 2 so mum spent more on her two individually so say mum spent £30 per child and aunt only spent £20 per child. Then no-one loses out IYSWIM.

Depends if you can afford to spend more though

I don't buy for my brother or sister (plus in-laws) but we each have 3 kids so it evens out. Altho my bro and SIL live about 350 miles away so by the time I've got them presents and delivered them to mums for them to be picked up by bro, it's about easter!

also agree with you swedes. One year at University (oh blimey about 15 yrs ago now!) I had, literally, £10 to do Christmas presents for my mum, dad, brother and gran. Did it via the local charity shop! My mum still has the little necklace I got her and I found the embroidered hankie I got for my gran in her possessions when she died....reminds me that I ought to do this more often. Just because i have a BIT more money now doesn't mean stuff has to come from the high street.

Christmas presents are a nightmare and shouldn't be discussed by text!!

Ring her - could be that she is embarrassed as she can't afford to reciprocate.

Could be worse- my ssiter told my mum she was doingt eh £5 Christmas present thing this year for all of us

Thing is, she isn't planning to tell us and we agreed £15 alst eyar

Wonder why she's so well off......

Totally agree with fio. Presents at Christmas are supposed to be to do with generosity, and the joy of giving, and receiving knowing that someone wanted to give a little thought to you...

I don't think it's making life easier I think it's just grim and depressing to do it the way she suggests! I agree with saying you've already bought for her kids, and suggest she can (if she WANTS) choose something herself for your children!

hi, just wanted to say that if you want to buy dn a gift and enjoy doing so then go ahead and do this. If she doesn't want to buy your children a gift once or twice a year then stuff her, as you said, they get plenty from you anyway.

My in-laws tried this on me and I just smiled sweetly and said "oh I'd love to get xxx a xmas gift I really enjoy it, but don't worry about mine, they get enough from my family anyway". Tbh I think it shamed them. They never did it again anyway.

I do feel sad that some people don't want to buy a gift for 4 kids when they only have one. It's only once a year for god sake's I'd be mortified if I couldn't treat my newphews and nieces once or twice a year.