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Original poster

Men in lingerie shops

805 replies

Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 10:38

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

OP posts:
pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 14:22

Have you ever stopped to think about why so many women seem guarded?

Men. Men are the reason.

It's most bizarre. Seems to be 2 different worlds.

The world of some very bitter extremist men-haters who enjoy picturing themselves in some dystopian hand-maiden reality, where male and female only reason to be is destroy the other camp,

and the world where most of us live, with normal people getting on with their lives, having normal relationships with and among both sex, without unhealthy obsession or hatred, and simple common sense.
(and a handful of weirdos like Ted Bundy, Rose West or Aileen Wuornos)

ItsOverFlo · 27/07/2021 14:07

My teen is DD+ and I've nagged for ages to get a fitting, but she's too embarassed.
This situation would have mortified her and she would have needed those hogged sofas as a fainting couch!
So we buy them online from curvissa and they fit well.

unsureofneighbour · 27/07/2021 14:06

@justasking111

You've proved my point

I don't understand how

Sadiecow · 27/07/2021 14:00

@feelingmehtoday

Also this "menz" thing makes me cringe so much.
Agreed
feelingmehtoday · 27/07/2021 14:00

@Wearywithteens

It literally doesn't say "no one gives a shit about the vulnerabilities of girls and women". It says "no one is paying attention to your daughter in the changing area". Huge difference.

beastlyslumber · 27/07/2021 13:58

@Wearywithteens

“The comment that attracted 1072 likes: "So? We're all on our phones anyway, nobody is interested in your daughter. We're just waiting for our own partners to finish their fitting. You might want to explain to your daughter."

Actually this makes me sad. It says no one gives a shit about the dignity and vulnerabilities of girls and young women. Men will do what they want to do, and sit where they want to sit, and it doesn’t matter about a young woman’s feelings…That’s why sadly they’re harassed and catcalled in the streets in their school uniforms. But hey ho fuck ‘em eh? What they think doesn’t matter as long as the menz aren’t criticised or denied access.

Yep.
justasking111 · 27/07/2021 13:53

You've proved my point

unsureofneighbour · 27/07/2021 13:50

@justasking111

Oh for goodness sake some of you see the bogeyman around every corner aka men. In that case therapy wouldn't be a bad idea

Have you ever stopped to think about why so many women seem guarded?

Men. Men are the reason.

feelingmehtoday · 27/07/2021 13:46

Also this "menz" thing makes me cringe so much.

justasking111 · 27/07/2021 13:44

Oh for goodness sake some of you see the bogeyman around every corner aka men. In that case therapy wouldn't be a bad idea

feelingmehtoday · 27/07/2021 13:42

Funny how differently two people can read the tone of a comment, isn't it...

unsureofneighbour · 27/07/2021 13:42

@Wearywithteens

“The comment that attracted 1072 likes: "So? We're all on our phones anyway, nobody is interested in your daughter. We're just waiting for our own partners to finish their fitting. You might want to explain to your daughter."

Actually this makes me sad. It says no one gives a shit about the dignity and vulnerabilities of girls and young women. Men will do what they want to do, and sit where they want to sit, and it doesn’t matter about a young woman’s feelings…That’s why sadly they’re harassed and catcalled in the streets in their school uniforms. But hey ho fuck ‘em eh? What they think doesn’t matter as long as the menz aren’t criticised or denied access.

This.

feelingmehtoday · 27/07/2021 13:42

@Wearywithteens

“The comment that attracted 1072 likes: "So? We're all on our phones anyway, nobody is interested in your daughter. We're just waiting for our own partners to finish their fitting. You might want to explain to your daughter."

Actually this makes me sad. It says no one gives a shit about the dignity and vulnerabilities of girls and young women. Men will do what they want to do, and sit where they want to sit, and it doesn’t matter about a young woman’s feelings…That’s why sadly they’re harassed and catcalled in the streets in their school uniforms. But hey ho fuck ‘em eh? What they think doesn’t matter as long as the menz aren’t criticised or denied access.

No, that's definitely not what I got from that comment. I got "we're not looking or paying any attention, we're on our phones waiting". In other words, it's a non issue - stop worrying.

Wearywithteens · 27/07/2021 13:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

lannistunut · 27/07/2021 13:32

@vegas888

See this has made it to the daily mail online 🙄
I've enjoyed the thread but that is a bottom-of-the-barrel newspaper article.
justasking111 · 27/07/2021 13:31

@feelingmehtoday

The comment that attracted 1072 likes:

"So? We're all on our phones anyway, nobody is interested in your daughter. We're just waiting for our own partners to finish their fitting. You might want to explain to your daughter."

Exactly men hate shopping In the main
feelingmehtoday · 27/07/2021 13:27

The comment that attracted 1072 likes:

"So? We're all on our phones anyway, nobody is interested in your daughter. We're just waiting for our own partners to finish their fitting. You might want to explain to your daughter."

justasking111 · 27/07/2021 13:25

@Woolywolf

Of course you could be a journalist wooly wolf 😂

feelingmehtoday · 27/07/2021 13:23

@pleasedonttextmyman

it's surprising it took so long but the top comment says it all

I quote
Brilliant idea. Ban all men from going within 4miles of womens clothes shops. Happy days fellas

😂
feelingmehtoday · 27/07/2021 13:22

@pleasedonttextmyman

Some posters are scary frankly. I know that some have their view possibly tainted by past experience, so I don't want to be rude, it just looks like some people genuinely believe others are fascinated and obsessed with them Confused

meanwhile in real life, they really don't give a crap.

Exactly this .

pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 13:22

it's surprising it took so long but the top comment says it all

I quote
Brilliant idea. Ban all men from going within 4miles of womens clothes shops. Happy days fellas

justasking111 · 27/07/2021 13:19

@vegas888

See this has made it to the daily mail online 🙄
Told ya
vegas888 · 27/07/2021 13:17

See this has made it to the daily mail online 🙄

MakeMathsFun · 27/07/2021 12:41

Often wives ask their husband to wait because they want a second opinion. However it is the men who are most uncomfortable in such settings. First, they are waiting with nothing to do; second they are in uncomfortable territory (a women's zone of intimate apparel); thirdly they fear they might be judged (just as they have been in this blog); fourthly they are likely to feel embarrassed when people around them are trying things on and talking sizes. One episode of Father Ted actually summarises this perfectly - when a load of priests accidentally end up in a women's underwear department, and upon realising their predicament, become embarrassed and try to 'escape' without being seen.
Also, when men buy their own underwear, it tends to be in and out without delay. Women might take longer (much longer), choosing textures, patterns, colours, shapes, support, cuts, brands, and can immerse themselves in questions regarding how it might look regarding many different regions of their body. Meanwhile, the men are looking at their watches (and maybe bank accounts too) pondering, "What is this all about?" with a whole-hearted skepticism about body image. The longer the try-on lingerie haul lingers, they more uncomfortable the husbands can feel. It is perfectly normal and natural for them to be there, so the shop should have a better system in place to do 2 things: (1) how to communicate with other customers about their sizes; and (2) how to distract the men, eg: more reading material, a games console, choice of seats facing the opposite way, being given a paper customer feedback form to complete, a free prize draw form, (free scalp massage), free coffee, etc. Instead, they are enbdure sitting opposite the changing cubicles and printed imagery of lingerie models, with a pile of Cosmopolitan/Vogue/Women's Health magazines. Their eyes have nowhere to escape, with their only repreive being to take an interest in the activities of the people, such as the shop assistants and other customers. The only way to eliminate this two-way discomfort is to welcome the men openly, remove all judgements about their presence and to expect them to be there - as might be the case in Paris.

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