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Original poster

Men in lingerie shops

805 replies

Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 10:38

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 13:25

I don’t mind men in lingerie departments of department stores. I think you get the occasional pervert but most are buying presents for partners which is fine-they are just customers.
I think bravissimo/specific bra fitting rooms is a bit different though because the men are not customers/using the service. It is an area specifically for women to try on bras and discuss their fit-there is nothing for the men to be browsing/buying as customers in their own right so I think it’s just unnecessary for them to be there

OP posts:
kowari · 25/07/2021 13:24

@JustGiveMeGin

Does no one buy their husbands/partners boxers? Should women be banned from the men's underwear section in case we embarrass them? Or should we just teach our daughters that it is just an item of clothing and it really doesn't matter who is around when we buy them 🤔
You don't try boxers on, you just find your size and go, same as women do.
Etinox · 25/07/2021 13:24

@CandidaAlbicans2

To be honest I'm so fed up of pervy letchy men that I no longer want any man in female spaces, and that includes anywhere near changing rooms. This is especially so in lingerie shops, because men have fetishised breasts so much that bra shopping is a bit more of a sensitive area for many than buying a skirt for example. As PPs have said, teen girls are frequently ogled and leered at by older men, so I can see how a self conscious teen would feel even more uncomfortable if there were men around when buying undies.
Pervy and letchy or wet. There’s no need for men to be in bra shops.
MissCherryCakeyBun · 25/07/2021 13:22

Are we banning husbands and fathers from beaches too? Just asking so I can explain to my 4 daughters why their dads not allowed on the beach or at swimming pools anymore.....after all is a woman in a bikini or swimming costume any different to lingerie?

Making a problem out of a perceived fear of a man waiting for his wife or daughter in the Tesco clothing section? After all they sell bras too.....it's not a secret that women wear underwear it's the 21st century we don't get blue water periods either and I'm pretty sure most men realise this too.

goldfinchfan · 25/07/2021 13:22

quite a lot of naive responses on this thread.

Mnay men are really disgusting about young girls/women and their breasts. They get off on making the female feel awkward.

I grew breasts that have ben oversized all my life and mens reactions are ridiculous. I had to be over 30 years ol to be able to take it in my stride.
Pervy men give off a strong perve vibe. Fact. and Young girls are sensitive as others PPs have said they will already have had disgusting things said, or been groped, I guess it is less of an issue if you are less well endowed.

missingeu · 25/07/2021 13:21

It's one off my pet hates, men in lingerie shops/departments - as it makes feel uncomfortable and I dislike lingerie shopping at the best of times.

I now shop online to avoid after last shopping trip when a couple spent 20 minutes discussing knickers and taking up so much room no-one else could get to the knickers. Before this I would always send DS/husband somehwere else and meet up with them.

kowari · 25/07/2021 13:21

Have you never popped out of the changing room to ask a partner’s opinion? It’s a lot easier if they are waiting just outside.
No, never felt the need to ask a man's opinion on my clothes.

CrouchEndTiger12 · 25/07/2021 13:19

Boys that is

CrouchEndTiger12 · 25/07/2021 13:18

@amiwastingmytime

I wonder do the same women do the same when their men are buying condoms or viagra? 😂😂
Or 10+ year olds in women's changing rooms at the gym.

I hate it

coogee · 25/07/2021 13:18

In my bra? With other blokes I don't know sat out there?

Nope.

I have. I’m not shy like that.

However, I believe the comment I was responding to was referring to changing rooms in general, not specifically lingerie.

kowari · 25/07/2021 13:17

@CliftonGreenYork

Some girls don't have a mother to take them shopping. So should men be banned from 'womens' stores then?
There's the occasional man taking his daughter, then there are unnecessary men. Not saying ban them, just no need for most of them to be there.
WomanStanleyWoman · 25/07/2021 13:17

@amiwastingmytime

I wonder do the same women do the same when their men are buying condoms or viagra? 😂😂
If men are trying Viagra before they buy in the middle of a shop, they’ve got bigger problems than who’s waiting on the sofa!
CandidaAlbicans2 · 25/07/2021 13:17

To be honest I'm so fed up of pervy letchy men that I no longer want any man in female spaces, and that includes anywhere near changing rooms. This is especially so in lingerie shops, because men have fetishised breasts so much that bra shopping is a bit more of a sensitive area for many than buying a skirt for example. As PPs have said, teen girls are frequently ogled and leered at by older men, so I can see how a self conscious teen would feel even more uncomfortable if there were men around when buying undies.

Original poster
Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 13:16

I think it’s a good point to make sure we make our daughters comfortable buying bras/remove shame but I genuinely thought I was doing ok with this/not being prudish.
But when we go bra shopping, we either are shopping just us two/or just with women friends or family and see it as a women’s space/activity largely. If my husband and adult son are shopping with us we say “we’re going to get some bras now” and the boys will go off and do their own thing as they obviously won’t be buying any and don’t need to be there/would find it boring and honestly a bit weird. They wouldn’t even consider sitting outside the changing room why we have a bra fitting. We don’t always travel as a pack/aren’t joined at the hip.
Is that not normal? Do most of you treat buying your teen bras as a family occasion and think it’s necessary for dad/brothers/husbands to be there? I can’t imagine many teenage girls not finding that a bit awkward.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 25/07/2021 13:16

TheCrowening, Yes, because men being asked to move for a woman are never, ever aggressive, are they?

Honestly...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 25/07/2021 13:14

coogee, I would IF the changing room itself is away from where my partner is. He wouldn't be sitting directly outside and I wouldn't think much of him if he did.

I'd happily trot out to where he was sitting to show him if I needed his opinion that badly. Or, if I was unable to shop without his opinion, I'd buy, take home, try on and return if not suitable.

Men being in women's space is just not ok with me. No way would I be hanging about outside the men's changing room to give an opinion. I accept that some women need to do this but again, not for me.

This is one of those views that can't really be transposed the other way though. Men's spaces are not at risk from women so it's not the same thing so matter how loudly the excusers protest.

Stuckhere2021 · 25/07/2021 13:13

YANBU. Some of the comments on this thread are a disgrace - it’s as if some people live in a bubble. As a previous poster said, breasts are the most fetishised body part. Any teenage girl will have been subjected to staring, lewd comments, possibly groped. Saying the OP is BU and passing her embarrassment or whatever to her daughter totally deflects from the oppressive male gaze that women and girls are constantly under. It’s not a dress shop where an opinion is needed. No need for men to be hanging around making your DD uncomfortable. And shaming you and her for feeling so is victim blaming.

beastlyslumber · 25/07/2021 13:04

Have you never popped out of the changing room to ask a partner’s opinion? It’s a lot easier if they are waiting just outside.

In my bra? With other blokes I don't know sat out there?

Nope.

coogee · 25/07/2021 13:02

There's absolutely no reason why they need to be sitting directly outside the changing rooms and it's high time that shops moved the seating area elsewhere

Have you never popped out of the changing room to ask a partner’s opinion? It’s a lot easier if they are waiting just outside.

amiwastingmytime · 25/07/2021 13:01

@TheCrowening it was for me yes. Each to their own.

TheCrowening · 25/07/2021 12:51

A man was standing where I wanted to go to, I floated around hoping he might buzz off. Nope. I just left without.

“Excuse me please”

Is that so hard?

pinkcircustop · 25/07/2021 12:51

Men grow some balls and stop acting like fruit flies around your women when buying personal or intimate items! There I said it.

@amiwastingmytime Or you could grow some balls yourself and not get so embarrassed over buying underwear?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/07/2021 12:50

@amiwastingmytime

I wonder do the same women do the same when their men are buying condoms or viagra? 😂😂
There is a difference between bras and viagra🙄

I am pretty sure they sit there in while their men try other clothes etc (can't really try underwear, can they 🙈)

Fairyliz · 25/07/2021 12:49

@icedcoffees

What happens to teenage girls who don't have a mother to take them to try on bras?
Go with grandma, aunt, older female cousin, mum’s friend, friends mum? How many young girls are in the situation where their mum has sadly died and they don’t have any other female in their life? My DD used to work in a bra shop whilst at university and yes a lot of men wanted to go into the changing room or needed to hover nearby. It was part of her induction warning her to look out for them. It’s horrifying how weird and creepy a lot of men are.
amiwastingmytime · 25/07/2021 12:47

I wonder do the same women do the same when their men are buying condoms or viagra? 😂😂

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