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Original poster

Men in lingerie shops

805 replies

Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 10:38

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

OP posts:
pleasedonttextmyman · 25/07/2021 15:40

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Why do so many women rush to defend the right of men to be in women's spaces on the basis it wouldn't bother them so shouldn't bother anyone else? That's pretty much the most "I'm alright Jack" shitty argument possible, yet there are always posters on threads like this falling over themselves to post that they don't give a shiny shit about teenaged girls or vulnerable women, just about themselves and men.
You are the one who doesn't give a shiny shit about teenage girls if you try to refuse them the right to have their own father around, and waiting for them outside the changing rooms.
Boood · 25/07/2021 15:38

I am curious, will you also ban lesbian from lingerie shops?

No, I said I would ban men. A man is someone with a Y chromosome and a penis, it’s not a term for someone who is sexually attracted to women. Why would your interpretation of that statement include lesbians when I never mentioned them? Do you think that lesbians are somehow closer to being men than they are women?

pleasedonttextmyman · 25/07/2021 15:36

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Why do so many women rush to defend the right of men to be in women's spaces on the basis it wouldn't bother them so shouldn't bother anyone else? That's pretty much the most "I'm alright Jack" shitty argument possible, yet there are always posters on threads like this falling over themselves to post that they don't give a shiny shit about teenaged girls or vulnerable women, just about themselves and men.
because the OUTSIDE of a woman's changing room is not a woman space, and a shop is definitively NOT a "woman's space". Confused
Macncheeseballs · 25/07/2021 15:33

I hate buying bras and knickers with men loitering, and I'm a grown arse woman

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 25/07/2021 15:33

Why do so many women rush to defend the right of men to be in women's spaces on the basis it wouldn't bother them so shouldn't bother anyone else? That's pretty much the most "I'm alright Jack" shitty argument possible, yet there are always posters on threads like this falling over themselves to post that they don't give a shiny shit about teenaged girls or vulnerable women, just about themselves and men.

pleasedonttextmyman · 25/07/2021 15:33

and you don't have to be a single father to take care of your kids!

Even a happily married man can take their daughter's shopping, even if they both would rather do something else, but it's not a MUM"S job to drive your daughter to a shop ffs.

pleasedonttextmyman · 25/07/2021 15:31

@Whatwouldscullydo

Only 8 pages before someone mentioned lesbians Hmm

Lesbians are not men. They haven't been socialised as men. They don't have male entitlement nor do they behave like men.

WTF does "behave like men" actually mean? Confused

carrying your wife's shopping?
Finding her another size she wants to try on?
Waiting for your daughter outside the changing room?

feelingmehtoday · 25/07/2021 15:31

@Kona84

Also - what about single fathers who need to take their daughter bra shopping? Some teenagers are not lucky to have a living mum/ present mum.

How many times has this point been made on this thread? And not one person who opposes men being outside a women's changing area has addressed this or explained how it's acceptable to have an issue with single fathers who are parenting their teen daughters...

Mockolate · 25/07/2021 15:27

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
So they're outside the changing room presumably waiting for their partner?
So what?

my dad was the only person who could take me bra shopping as a kid, and I’m 100% sure he’d rather have stabbed pins in his eyes, but there was no one else.

I think this is a really good point and one I never really thought of before now - Dad's sometimes need to go bra shopping with their dd's, why make them feel ashamed or like a perve or something over something so completely normal?
It's not just mums who go bra shopping.
YABU

Kona84 · 25/07/2021 15:24

Also - what about single fathers who need to take their daughter bra shopping?
Some teenagers are not lucky to have a living mum/ present mum.

Whatwouldscullydo · 25/07/2021 15:23

Only 8 pages before someone mentioned lesbians Hmm

Lesbians are not men. They haven't been socialised as men. They don't have male entitlement nor do they behave like men.

Kona84 · 25/07/2021 15:21

Bra sizes are a foreign language to most women.
It wouldn’t bother me

feelingmehtoday · 25/07/2021 15:21

However good their reasons for being there are, they are not as good as my reason for being there, which is to buy clothes for myself

What if they are also buying clothes there for their partner? Are they allowed then? 🤔

shouldistop · 25/07/2021 15:20

I do kind of get what you're saying op. My dh wouldn't have sat there as he'd realise he might make someone uncomfortable.

Keeping2ChevronsApart · 25/07/2021 15:18

The assistant asked your daughter her bra size whilst she was in the queue, in front of a line of men??

pleasedonttextmyman · 25/07/2021 15:18

@Boood

I’d be in favour of men being banned from lingerie shops/departments altogether. However good their reasons for being there are, they are not as good as my reason for being there, which is to buy clothes for myself. And as the paying customer in an area aimed at selling things to women, I want my whims and comfort to be put first by the people making money out of me.
Men can and will be the paying customer just as much as you are. Half of the women paying for their own purchase are not bothered.

I am curious, will you also ban lesbian from lingerie shops?

Again, no one is talking about sharing changing rooms..

OneTC · 25/07/2021 15:18

moving train carriage as it empties to avoid being alone with a woman, especially at night.

wtf

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/07/2021 15:17

@pleasedonttextmyman

You should always centre men and their feelings.

Why do you need to twist everyone comments when you don't agree with them?

WHO said anything like that?

No one but that doesn't stop this being trotted out
pleasedonttextmyman · 25/07/2021 15:16

You should always centre men and their feelings.

Why do you need to twist everyone comments when you don't agree with them?

WHO said anything like that?

Boood · 25/07/2021 15:15

I’d be in favour of men being banned from lingerie shops/departments altogether. However good their reasons for being there are, they are not as good as my reason for being there, which is to buy clothes for myself. And as the paying customer in an area aimed at selling things to women, I want my whims and comfort to be put first by the people making money out of me.

Wearywithteens · 25/07/2021 15:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Sirzy · 25/07/2021 15:04

I think it’s quite sad that some people think men need to leave their daughters with a stranger in a shop to help them rather than risking being there themselves because of what others may think.

A parent should be able to take their child shopping without either being made to feel uncomfy.

JellyBabiesFan · 25/07/2021 14:59

I dont get men sitting around changing rooms anywhere. Just go to another shop! I hate that John lewis has a sofa for then to sit on while they wait right outside the changing rooms too

Over the years when I have been shopping with boyfriends and now my HB they had zero interest in shopping. Most men given the chance of sitting on their arse or walking around a shop will pick the former. The problem is not the mens creating, the problem is the shops putting the fitting rooms to close to the sofas. Move the sofas a little distance a way and I am 99.9% sure the men will not hang about near the fitting rooms.

You are blaming the wrong people OP.

pleasedonttextmyman · 25/07/2021 14:59

•not hanging around in underwear shops.

so can't buy underwear
can't give a hand to their wives
can't stay around their daughters

complete and utter nonsense.

If DH goes to the mall with one of our daughters, and dump her with a store assistant to disappear for 30 minutes, I would not be impressed at all. That's terrible and lazy parenting.

coogee · 25/07/2021 14:58

DH is welcome to an opinion on my attire, but I wouldn’t take it into consideration over my own opinion. He’s not the one wearing it.

I don’t think anybody is claiming to take their husband’s opinion on their attire into consideration over their own. However, at least for me, not every clothing related decision is an easy yes or no. Sometimes it’s a maybe and a second opinion is helpful.