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Original poster

MIL and Father’s Day

117 replies

EllaBlaire · 18/06/2021 18:19

DH and I have a 2 month old DD, so this will be DH’s first Father’s Day.

MIL has sent a personalised gift for DH “from” DD. This has annoyed me - I wouldn’t mind if it was a small present from MIL herself, but I feel that I’m the only person that should be buying presents “from” DD for Father’s Day. It should be about celebrating between the three of us as a new family.

Either she doesn’t trust me to get something, or she wants to overshadow my gift.

It’s gone over DH’s head and he thinks it’s a nice thought, and I’m not intending to mention my annoyance to him or MIL…. But would you be annoyed in this situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
EllaBlaire · 18/06/2021 18:48

“On Valentine’s Day send your FIL a card ;)”

That would certainly cause a stir as he’s been dead for several years..

OP posts:
Original poster
EllaBlaire · 18/06/2021 18:47

“but would you have felt the same way if your mum sent you a present from your daughter for your first Mother’s Day?”

I have asked myself the same question! She wouldn’t do this, she wouldn’t want undermine my DH.

OP posts:
EatingAllThePies · 18/06/2021 18:46

My parents get me a mother's day card every year from my kids. I don't see an issue tbh.

Hathertonhariden · 18/06/2021 18:40

Great minds Shirley

Hathertonhariden · 18/06/2021 18:39

Send a present from her to her DP on their anniversary. (Voice of someone whose XMIL overstepped all the time)

Laiste · 18/06/2021 18:38

It's funny isn't it - i read a lot on here about MILs/DMs overstepping boundaries into roles which are really for their DDs and DILs to do.

I cannot imagine for one moment either of my nans (who would both now be 100 if either were still alive) doing this to my mum. Gran's really seemed to be happy to be just Gran's back then.

ShirleyPhallus · 18/06/2021 18:38

On Valentine’s Day send your FIL a card ;)

WimpoleHat · 18/06/2021 18:38

I can see where you’re coming from to some extent….but would you have felt the same way if your mum sent you a present from your daughter for your first Mother’s Day? Or would you just think it was a sweet gesture from a parent to their child to celebrate the fact that they were also now a parent?

I don’t know your MIL, to be fair - if she has form for overstepping the mark, then it’s understandable that you’re a bit miffed. But I don’t think it’s necessarily awful in and of itself.

YoComoManzanas · 18/06/2021 18:36

@AnneLovesGilbert

Massively overstepping. How will he feel if your parents if you have some do the same for you next year?
Most blokes don't tend to notice these little social slights or mis-steps. However it is intended by your mil it is a bit of a stepping on your toes. Has she also bought a nursery set for her own home, first Christmas gift, first pair of shoes? Some people don't mind this level of interference and welcome it, but I would expect most to find it overbearing. How you handle it is up to you. Grin and bear it for familial harmony or say something gently to try and calm her jets. Good luck
DappledThings · 18/06/2021 18:33

I'd think it was rather odd but I'd find it funny rather than annoying.

Laiste · 18/06/2021 18:33

Excitement is clouding her judgement. She is buying for 'her' boy from 'her' grandchild and has forgotten this is your time to be doing the buying.

Very annoying.

Not a clue what you can do about it!

Babynames2 · 18/06/2021 18:32

I’d be annoyed but if it were my MILit wouldn’t be malicious, she just wouldn’t see that it’s overstepping a bit. She would just be excited for his first Father’s Day. MIL always buys me a Mother’s Day present (although not from the kids).

InTheDrunkTank · 18/06/2021 18:31

I mean it wasn't her place to do it but unless there's some history I would just assume she was excited and accidentally over stepped the mark.

Dontwanttobeatwat · 18/06/2021 18:30

I was annoyed my MIL sent a card from the babies last year, felt like she didn't trust me to do it. Fine sending a card, happy 2nd father's day from mum but it just felt weird sending a card signed from my children.
(most things she does annoys me though)

I'd be annoyed with a gift. That's your job and only yours!

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2021 18:28

Massively overstepping. How will he feel if your parents if you have some do the same for you next year?

FelicityPike · 18/06/2021 18:26

Yeah I’d be raging.

CarnationCat · 18/06/2021 18:24

I would be annoyed, yes.

But then I also think that your MIL is trying to do a nice thing and is probably just excited and happy about your DD and that it's her son's first Father's Day.

Let the annoyance go. I would get your DD to make something if you haven't already. That way you know you're giving your DH something personal and special.