MIL and Father’s Day

I can see why it has upset you OP, but it’s not something that is worth getting worked up about. Perhaps your MIL wants to feel included who knows. I have never faced this issue with my MIL, she doesn’t bother with her DS at all, missed a milestone birthday recently and didn’t send her DGS a birthday card.

Grandparents just can't help themselves! Annoying.

I didn’t get on with my mil particularly well but honestly I can’t imagine being bothered by this, it really would be sweating the small stuff for me.

I’m not sure if I would be annoyed. It depends on what the gift is and how your relationship is with MIL generally.

If she’s the generous and thoughtful type then YABU but if she’s the over stepping boundaries type then YANBU

This isn't a hill I'd choose to die on.

Said father will know what's come from whom.

She also handed me a card on our wedding day and it was a “to my darling wife” card from her son that she’d written a message in and he didn’t know anything about!

🤣🤣 that is hilarious

When I became a mum, my mum sent me a nice Mother’s Day card to say that she thought I was doing a great job. It didn’t piss my DH off. It’s just a nice thing to do.

You sound like hard work.

[quote Oneborneverydecade]@KM38 that would really piss me off, how did you handle it?

My MIL buys FIL a card and present from herself (and receives one on Mother's Day) in addition to the gifts he receives from his 2 grown up thoughtful sons. I find that odd[/quote]
@Oneborneverydecade I just told her straight that she wasn’t to come round and that it wasn’t her place to question what I had planned for Father’s Day! I’ve got to the point now that I just tell her straight out if she’s overstepping or whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️ It always results in a bit of a row but until she learns boundaries there’s not much else I can do! DH is her youngest and DC is her first and only grandchild and she seems to be really struggling with not being involved in every aspect of our parenting or our lives in general.

It's quite sad to assume there's some sort of malicious thought behind doing a nice thing..she's probably excited it's her son's first father's day.

There is nothing to stop you both buying a present and pretending it's from your child. I hate to break it to you but I think he realises it's not actually from 2 month old DD. He's just going to be left thinking that his mum and wife care about him a lot.

I’m not sure how being privately annoyed is overreacting? I literally haven’t reacted.
DH and I have found having a new baby pretty challenging so I was looking forward to doing one of the “nice” things that come with being a new parent. I think she should have just let me have that

Being annoyed internally is a reaction because you are allowing it to eat at you and that in itself will impact on your future relationship with your MIL

Your DH knows one gift is really from you and the other gift is really from his mum. He doesn’t really believe it’s from his daughter so he’ll still feel appreciated by you. He’ll also feel appreciated by his mum.
If he keeps the gift he’ll remember the time his mum gave him this nice gesture on his first fathers Day. And that’s a nice thing that you are begrudging him to have. you are letting it fester in your mind instead of seeing it as something kind.
Different families have different approaches to these types of things. You might become a MIL someday and find you have a SIL who doesn’t give your daughter a present on Mother’s Day because they find the whole practice strange.
and that would also be ok if it’s not the sort of thing they do

I'd think it was an absolutely lovely thing to do.

But my mil is probably the nicest person I've ever met and I love her dearly. I think if you have a bad relationship with your mil then it's different.

@KM38 that would really piss me off, how did you handle it?

My MIL buys FIL a card and present from herself (and receives one on Mother's Day) in addition to the gifts he receives from his 2 grown up thoughtful sons. I find that odd

This would infuriate me. Like op said, your MIL has had her turn at being a mother and doing these firsts, she shouldn't get to take it away from you.

I'd return it to her and say thanks but dd is your daughter and you will organise gifts from her.

*wouldnt

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest and definitely would read into that age wants to outshine your gift or doesn't trust you. It's likely that she's excited and incredibly proud of her son. It doesn't have to effect your little families first Father's Day at all.

@EllaBlaire I’d be annoyed too! A gift/card from her to her son to celebrate him being a dad is a lovely gesture. But a gift from your children to their dad is a huge overstep in my opinion.

My MIL phoned me on Wednesday “just to remind me” that it was DHs first Father’s Day this year (just incase is forgotten that he was now a dad 😐) and ask what I had planned to make it a special day for him. Or should she come round and celebrate with him so that it’s “more special” 🙄😬 Thanks for that reminder love - here was me completely forgetting that we’d had our first child this year 🙄
Always had a great relationship with her prior to having our DC but since then it’s as if all boundaries have gone out the window! She’s been spoken to multiple times by myself and by DH and still can’t help herself from getting over involved 🙄

This wouldn’t bother me, at all. But I’m lucky that I have a really lovely mil. She’s not undermining or interfering in general. If she’d sent my dh a gift like that, I’d know it was 100% well meaning. If mil had a history of behaving thoughtlessly, being overbearing etc, I’d possibly feel different, I don’t know. I agree with a pp, how we’d feel about the gift probably depends mainly on how we feel about our mil’s.

It would annoy me. I’d probably mention that if already organized a gift from my child, but DH would appreciate the gift from MIL.

Annoying. If she will get wind of it, you could post a pic of dh and baby with gift dd gave him, don't mention the gift from your mil. If mentioned only refer to it as from mil, not from dd.

My xh walked out when dc was too small to think about mother's day. That year I had several cards+gifts supposedly from my dc, but actually from my parents, my friends and a neighbour who all didn't want me to miss out as they rightly assumed xh wouldn't bother doing anything.

That is a really thoughtful gesture, no problem either with a parent sending a card+gift to their adult child from themselves. It's different if the GP sends something in the child's name when the actual parent will be doing something.