To be desperate for 2 nights without my kids

When your children are both over 7, you could send them to PGL for a week!

Currently though, your only option is a nanny is family aren't able and willing.

Nannies do overnight care and proxy parenting, but be prepared to pay a considerable amount.

Have one night and make the most of it?

I know that it’s not only on mumsnet but amongst almost everyone I know doesn’t have grandparents doing overnights
I agree, it was pretty rare when mine were small as well. My children never stayed over with either set of grandparents. My mother never actually saw them without me there. I didn't expect her to. I think she just didn't have the confidence, or didn't want the responsibility. I had no issue with that. Her choice.

Also I have nothing against babysitters and nannies etc but could you actually leave such young children with a stranger for two nights, could I leave my home with a stranger for two nights…

This is why we didn't get a night away without Ds until he was old enough to be away with school/PGL - but unfortunatly these are usually weekdays so don't actually help that much. We've had 2 nights in 15 years away together - the cost of a sole care nanny for two nights and days is (quite rightly) astronomical.

Zero chance of a night away over here- my parents both dead, my husbands mum in Italy and useless anyway.

Tbh I think 3 is too young to impose on anyone, the energy is sky high at that age, might your mum think different in a few years?
Do people actually ask friends to do this? If a friend of mine asked me to looked after her two young kids for two nights I’d prob give the friendship some distance.

MIL is nearly 70, she physically couldn't do my 6 yo and 18 mo twins alone

Would a possible compromise be for your DM to have them but to hire a babysitter to help during the day? That would reduce the cost somewhat and your mum could go and have a nap/rest.

So your mum could have them Friday night, babysitter could come midday Saturday and wear them out until 6pm and then it's just dinner, bath and bed for your mum to do. And same on Sunday. Then you're only paying for 12 hours. Still pricey but cheaper than 24/7 care for a weekend.

It just boggles my mind that GPs don't WANT that long with their grandkids! I don't have any yet, but LOVE spending time with other babies and children in the family, babysitting and overnights!

I can understand it'd maybe be tedious or hard to commit as a regular occurrence, but a one off? I'd love it!

I imagine a lot of single parents feel the same way apart from me because I love my time with my kids.

Just go on your own!!

And frankly, these types of grandparents shouldn't be expecting any help from their children when they're older.

I think it's really selfish of your mum not to take them. The last 15 months have been a living hell for most parents - juggling working and homeschooling, with nowhere to go to entertain the children. I just don't get why a grandparent wouldn't want to give their child a break for a weekend. It just seems so mean.

Ask your mum that if you organise a sitter would she be there also to ease your mind re dc safety. If her concern is coping then having someone there to do the heavy lifting might help?

There are definitely nannies that will cover weekends like this. The catch is the expense and leaving your kids with someone they don’t know. It works better when you have a pre-established relationship.

I know someone who leaves the kids with the grandparents, but hires childcare for during the day so the grandparents are only on duty for the evening and overnight.

YANBU in the slightest. I completely get where you are coming from as I’m desperate for a couple of days away with my dh too. My DP (who aren’t quite 60 yet) have made it clear that they don’t do babysitting so I don’t ask anymore. What makes me laugh is they’re always going her and there eg meals out, weekends away, restaurants, which is far enough as they have no responsibilities, but then they’ll tell me, in detail, about it all and say oh you and (DH) would love it there you should go. I usually end up muttering something like how when we’ve got our ds. DM says oh you can go when you’re off work. But me and dh can rarely take annual leave at the same time only once a year when we take the kids on holiday. My eldest dc isn’t old enough to mind youngest dc and all of our friends are either busy, working, dealing with family issues, so I guess we will be waiting a long time until we go away. A nanny of babysitter is not something we will consider, not overnight anyway, so yeah we are pretty much stuck. I wfh in lockdown but dh didn’t so unlike a lot of other couples we got no extra time together. It’s been non stop and I’m exhausted. So yeah I really feel for you OP it’s rubbish.

You aren't being unreasonable wanting to go away but you are to expect her to look after them, some grandparents do others never, their choice. Try to find a friend with kids who also wants to go away and trade. Or pay a sixth form/university student perhaps,

YANBU to want this but I have a 3yo and 6yo too and they are hard work and difficult ages, the age gap is tricky at this age IME. It's not a comparable situation because I am a single parent and ex has them EOW. My mum helps during the week with pickups but I would not ask or expect her to have them for 2 nights. 1 night, maybe, in exceptional circumstances. 2 nights, only in an emergency and really ex should step in then. She finds them exhausting as much as she loves it and tbh I don't blame her - I find them hard work and I'm their mother!

Yanbu to want this. I absolutely do too. But, my mum couldn’t handle DS for two nights. And I don’t think our in laws could either (DFIL probably could, but DMIL is looking increasingly frail).

I’d either have a relaxing break away on my own and you’re DP can do another time or take a trip to see his parents for a couple days and then leave your DCs with them for a couple days.

YANBU. My dm has not ever once babysit for me. It is what is and I know it's not a God given right, but I have really young in laws and a sister and no one baby sits unless I am giving birth. I was I hospital for a week this year and very thankful dh couldn't visit me as he wouldnt have had any help

I just waited until the eldest could mind them. He is turning 18 so he will do it, but it's been a long, long wait!

I think nowadays everyone has less time for family full stop. My kids haven't seen fil for about four years, mil three years and my mum since March 2020. As a aside I'm not sure how they will form relationships at all. In laws moved as far away from us as humanly possible on purpose I think to avoid this scenario 😉

Why does it have to be two nights, just do one?

I know a mix of people with varying levels of support; some who will barely see their dc during the six week summer holidays because GP step in, one whose mum will only have one dc at a time and the rest who have little to no support. We fall into the last category!

I’ve took the option of making friends with people in a similar position who are happy to swop favours with sleep overs/days out. I don’t think that goodwill would stretch to two days though and I think that’s possibly too long for young children to spend without a family member (and the whole unconditional love thing when they’re being pains).