Page 2 | Panic attacks driving on the motorway - how do I get past this?

Original poster

CarPanic · 05/06/2021 00:26

Just looked up my route to Mum's with an 'avoid motorways' option ticked and a lot of the roads look like pretty big dual carriageways. So I wonder if it would just be a much longer drive with just as much stress. Urgh I hate this. I hate feeling dependent and that there's something I can't do, especially when so many people do it without a second thought.

OP posts:

blahblahblah321 · 05/06/2021 00:26

@CarPanic

I've had general anxiety basically forever, including as a child. It's been very bad at times but is just who I am/how my body works. I take anti-anxiety medication every day and have had two rounds of very successful CBT, which means I can live a pretty normal life. I have a good job, great kids, nice husband, friends etc. I've been quite 'well' for years now, though as I said I am on betablockers and I 'manage' situations with CBT strategies/self talk and am often aware of internally defusing triggers etc.

The situations I find hardest to manage are ones where I feel trapped - either because I can't leave without embarrassing myself (e.g. speaking in a meeting, sitting somewhere 'fenced in' by others, being at a dinner party with a small number of people) or because I physically can't leave, e.g. being on a fairground ride or driving on the motorway. The first category, with hard work I can manage. The second category I also work hard to deal with but I bloody CANNOT drive on the motorway. I really need to, as I can't go and visit my mum without my husband driving me. He's very supportive and understands, but I want to be able to do it.

But how can you get past doing something when it's actually really dangerous to be fighting a panic attack or even having a panic attack at 70 miles per hour?! No matter how good I feel I've become at dealing with my anxiety, as soon as I turn onto a road (even a dual carriageway) where there's nowhere to pull over, I absolutely spiral. I hate it and am so annoyed with myself for it but can't seem to stop it. I've tried doing busier roads/one junction on the motorway and it's really scary and frankly dangerous. I've had a driving licence for 12 years and drive every day locally though I don't really enjoy it. People don't understand why this 'trapped/can't pull over' thing scares me as they say 'just drive in a straight line, why would you need to pull over?' and they're right, but the feeling that I can't stop genuinely terrifies me.

Help! Any strategies or any advice would be so welcome. Or maybe people think that this is just my limit and I'll never be able to do it?

Bloody hell, I could have written exactly the same post, inc how long I've been driving for!

I don't know the answer - if I did, I wouldn't be the way I am- but I totally understand. My issue is exactly that, I can't cope with anything that I can't escape from - in particular I can't do it without embarrassing myself. I've been like it for about 10 years, after a massive panic attack, and I feel this is it for me . I'd love to see a way out of it, but I can't. As time has gone on, more and more things are becoming an issue, although I've also managed to crack a few things too which has been great

Original poster

CarPanic · 05/06/2021 00:19

@RedHelenB

If you tell yourself you can pull off at the next junction or even onto the hard shoulder? Surely it's the same as any other road, you can't just stop when you want moat of the time that you drive?

You're right, most of the time you can't just stop dead, though I think on smaller roads there's generally a way to pull in. Not that I ever, EVER do! It's so bloody annoying. I'm a perfectly good driver. Even though I hate overtaking and narrow streets (not great depth perception) I don't hesitate to drive around towns at all. It just seems like an awfully long time between junctions on the motorway.

OP posts:

Original poster

CarPanic · 05/06/2021 00:14

[quote MWNA]Sounds like what you actually have is agoraphobia. I have it too. Same symptoms.

Agoraphobia is a fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult or that help wouldn't be available if things go wrong. Many people assume agoraphobia is simply a fear of open spaces, but it's actually a more complex condition.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/agoraphobia/overview/[/quote]
Yes, I've come to this conclusion before too. I definitely have general anxiety too as there are other things that freak me out (health... ) but this area is the one I find hardest to crack. I can rationalise away a lot of the other anxiety but I cannot stop that 'trapped' feeling.

I wish I knew how to overcome it.

OP posts:

Original poster

CarPanic · 05/06/2021 00:13

@Ermmmmname

Some people just don’t drive on the motorway. But since you want to fix it you could try advance driving courses such as the motorway or try smaller similar roads such as B and A roads then work your way up. Try different distances. Wait until you’re comfortable (as you can be) on that road before you move up to one you’d find more difficult. Also try and find quieter times, Waze is quite good for that.

Thanks, I'll have to look up 'Waze'.

Familiarity is really huge for me. If I have to do a route I often go on Google maps and literally walk through the route to 'see' the roads. I find it so reassuring to know how long a big road is going to last and see familiar landmarks. So I can do dual carriageways between my home and office (though lockdown has knocked that a bit) but if I encountered an identical road in a different place I'd feel very nervous as I don't know it.

OP posts:

Original poster

CarPanic · 05/06/2021 00:07

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions and kindness.

I appreciate the people who've said they feel the same - just makes me feel a bit less stupid.

I could do it without motorways but it turns a 5 hour trip into a 7.5 hour trip, which comes with its own stresses. Honestly I'm not sure I could drive for 7.5 hours.

The reason I really want to be able to do it is that I hate having to rely on my husband (as lovely as he is). I hate that I'm not independent in this way. I also have a problem every time work announce an 'away day' or something as I try to work out how to get there. It causes me so much stress! I do drive on a few dual carriageways in my local area but I know them well and it's only for a short stretch each time like under 10 minutes. I have been able to extend this - for example when my son was a baby I had to ask DH to take him to hospital when the GP sent us to A&E as I couldn't manage the road but I've since taken the kids to appointments there and recently my DH had to go to hospital and I took him, no problem, and then went to the hospital loads of times. So I am capable of improvement but it's hard.

OP posts:

Miseryl · 04/06/2021 22:27

Motorway driving is actually very easy once you get more experience of it. Have some lessons with a suitable instructor. Ignore my other post! It was in error!

Miseryl · 04/06/2021 22:26

I find it terrify

looptheloopinahulahoop · 04/06/2021 21:47

OP why does not going on a motorway stop you visiting your mother? There must be other routes, even if they take a lot longer. Getting around London can be awkward without using the M25 but it's doable and can be done efficiently by train if you live near London and she's the other side. Away from London, you can definitely avoid motorways. And actually it can be very interesting, you find lots of places you didn't know existed.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/06/2021 21:34

I’m a shit and nervous driver

But once ON a motorway it’s easy
No gears to change

Have you done a trail run in a
Local A road to start with ?

It’s tiring yes but way less anxiety than driving across a city

GoldenOmber · 04/06/2021 21:05

Is there no other route you could use? Appreciate it might be a lot slower and more of a faff staying off motorways, but if the alternative is dangerous for you and other road users then surely it’s your best bet.

Newkitchen123 · 04/06/2021 20:46

I had similar but with me it was buses coaches etc.
I went on the bus to my nearest city on the one that stops every couple of minutes. I had someone with me.
Get on the motorway and get off at the next junction. With someone with you in case you need to swap drivers. Do this a few times. Don't even get straight back on, go back the non motorway route. The next time do it the other way round. Then try two junctions
I had panic attacks for a few years and they can dominate your life, if you let them.
I still prefer to sit on the end at the theatre or cinema or anywhere where there's a row

TulisaIsBrill · 04/06/2021 20:42

Please don’t do it if you’re not comfortable with it, or at least until you are. It’s not good for you, and it’s not good for other road users to have a panicking driver.

I just encountered a very nervous driver with L plates doing 45 mph in the outside lane of the M11 causing utter chaos. They wanted to move back but seemed petrified to do so. I felt sorry for them but equally couldn’t understand why the hell they were there!

DolphinFC · 04/06/2021 20:40

Drive on them little and often when it's quiet.

It gets light early in the morning now. Go for a drive at 6:00 am on a Sunday.

SueSaid · 04/06/2021 20:38

'when it's actually really dangerous to be fighting a panic attack or even having a panic attack at 70 miles per hour?! No matter how good I feel I've become at dealing with my anxiety, as soon as I turn onto a road (even a dual carriageway) where there's nowhere to pull over, I absolutely spiral.'

You have to accept your limitations I'm afraid particularly where other driver's safety is concerned.

I'm sure there are other routes you could take to visit your dm. If you've been driving 12 years and aren't able to do so safely on motorways then you really have go to find other ways or routes to travel.

Notagain20 · 04/06/2021 20:36

I was a very nervous driver but having a motorway lesson and a few refresher lessons did me the world of good. I like motorway driving now, it's so straightforward. Straight line with optional overtaking!

Keepyourdistance000 · 04/06/2021 20:35

You are not alone. I avoid driving on motorways after being raced and tailgate, and also feeling quite panicky on them knowing that there's nowhere to stop or turn off - having to keep going.

Following with interest.

murbblurb · 04/06/2021 20:34

Do not use motorways until this is treated. You could kill someone else's life partner.

Notagain20 · 04/06/2021 20:33

Have some motorway driving lessons with an instructor who understands what you're feeling - be completely honest with them. It's so helpful to have an expert explain how to be safe and in control on the motorway, it will help

Mischance · 04/06/2021 20:31

I was once on the motorway - a really busy chaotic bit round a city - and the driver had a panic attack. It was terrifying. So, if motorways make you panic, then do not use them.

You are not alone. I hate motorway driving - normally kind and decent people seem to become complete maniacs when behind the wheel on a motorway.

And I used to work in a head injury service - concentrates the mind somewhat.

StopSayingDueDiligence · 04/06/2021 20:26

I think it's quite common.

I found hypnotherapy an absolute Godsend.

jacqelinedaniels · 04/06/2021 20:11

Oh and I get anxiety muscle cramps too, my toes will spasm or my shin cramp up. All tension related but happened to me once on a motorway in slow moving traffic and I almost had a shunt so that didn’t help!

jacqelinedaniels · 04/06/2021 20:10

Involuntarily!

jacqelinedaniels · 04/06/2021 20:09

I have this exact thing too! Terror of not being able to stop, with the panic that rises and makes me feel like I’m involuntary going to slam my foot on the brake. I also find motorways scary as hell for the speed, I’m so conscious of people overtaking cutting up etc and I hate getting onto them even as a passenger. I have general anxiety, don’t take anything and haven’t tried cbt. I drive on normal roads fine - don’t love it but can do it. I hate motorways. And smart ones are horrifying.

MrsHemsworthinmydreams · 04/06/2021 19:43

Hi, I have this too!!! I’m not a big fan of driving at all and used to drive everywhere when younger but I now find the panic on dual carriageways has become too much for me. I have made it worse by forcing myself and telling myself I’m being stupid etc etc then decided to avoid them altogether as it was creating too much stress. It’s the feeling of being trapped and unable to pull over that I hate! It’s a nightmare! I can’t take any SSRI antidepressant. I think it might be more common than we think. I feel stupid but I agree it’s not safe to drive with that level of panic. If I could take ecsitalopram I would do in a heartbeat! Maybe CBT might help?