Panic attacks driving on the motorway - how do I get past this?

... as soon as I turn onto a road (even a dual carriageway) where there's nowhere to pull over, I absolutely spiral. I hate it and am so annoyed with myself for it but can't seem to stop it. I've tried doing busier roads/one junction on the motorway and it's really scary and frankly dangerous.

I'm the same. I used to work on it - graded exposures, driving (very) short distances on the highway in non-busy times - but it was too stressful to persist. Would not dream of trying a motorway.

If you can use slower roads, do that. Perhaps you will get your calm and confidence back. But you do have to work at it, in a slow and staged way, while doing your long outbreaths and calm self-talk, etc, and it takes time.

Other people will never get it, I have come to realise.

Can you book a series of motorway driving lessons to get yourself comfortable again? You'll know it's safe because the instructor has joint control.

I've had this for 20 years. I had labyrinthitis come on gradually. I started with a dizzy spell whilst driving on the m5 & had to be rescued by the motorway police. I tried to overcome it but failed. Now, I just accept i can't do it & drive the long way round to avoid motorways; or I get the train if it's a city centre, as I can't cope with them either. Would rather spend more on the train than put myself or others in danger.

I put radio on and sing as it forces me to breathe in the right places so ie not over breathe

Hi its been a while since you posted this, but I am suffering with the exact same thing and it's driving me insane.

Did you figure out how to manage this?

I had to drive on the M25 /M1 four times over this past week . I've not done that particular drive since the start of the pandemic . I was a nervous wreck each time . The volume of traffic was truly awful so many lorry's changing lanes and not safely . Must admit it's put me off abit . They just don't feel safe .

Could you plan to do the trip several times in relatively quick succession? Once a month or something? And take your DH with you. Drive as long as your comfortable and then swap with him if it gets too much. On most motorways there is a services every 20 miles or so and there will most likely be junctions between them. Build up your confidence gradually. This is how my sister overcame her fear of driving.
The other thing I would recommend is listening to podcasts whilst driving. It just takes your attention away enough to give you something other than your anxieties to be thinking about. It makes the time go smoothly too.

If the above don't work could you stop in a travel lodge half way? So do 4hours on day one then 3 the next so you can avoid the motorway?

Some terrible advice on this thread to avoid situations which make anxiety worse, the exact opposite of what you should do.

And this! The worst thing you can do is not face your fears. The fact you've been driving for 12 years is completely irrelevant. If you've avoided driving on motorways for 12 years then you're going to fear them just as much as 12 years ago.

You can absolutely face your fears in a sensible way that avoids putting others in danger with a bit of planning and preparation as I've explained in my post above. The best way to conquer this is to face it little by little and the more you do the more confident you'll be and less anxiety you'll feel.

Good luck!

I have anxiety issues and have had my whole life. The only way to get over these fears is by doing them. I don't agree at all at those saying sorry these are your limitations you obviously can't drive on a motorway so don't.

I have similar driving fears, but about driving with other people in the car as opposed to driving on the motorway. I did however also have a fear of driving on a motorway incase I had a panic attack. I can now drive on motorways without a second thought and with zero anxiety. It's a matter of practice.

My suggestion as someone who's had many anxieties about particular situations: start by doing small trips to no where and back that are planned out. E.g one motorway junction, at a time where the traffic is little to nothing like at night and choose a stretch of motorway where there is a hard shoulder. Take your partner with you if you need to pull over on a hard shoulder and switch driver. You just got to keep doing it and keep practicing. Do it in situations that are completely within your control by planning these short journeys with low traffic and in a place you can stop if you need to or feel like you're becoming a danger. You'll find it gets easier and easier. If you keep doing it you'll eventually be able to make the drive to see your mum.

I know it's scary but I promise you can do it if you take little steps. Just be sensible about it and practice at times and in situations you can get out of of you need to. Push yourself a little further each time. If you only manage half a junction before you need to pull over and switch driver then so be it. Next time try to get 3/4 of the way, then the next a whole junction.

You can do it!

'Sounds like you've had loads of panics on the motorway. You've not crashed. It's fine.'

She hadn't crashed yet. It really isn't fine to 'have loads of panics' on motorways. I want other drivers to be calm and competent thanks very much.

'Some terrible advice on this thread to avoid situations which make anxiety worse, the exact opposite of what you should do. '

It isn't terrible advice at all. I'm all for facing fears but not when it puts others in danger. It has been 12 years. If she'd just passed her test fine but after 12 years the op needs to accept her limitations and use other routes or other drivers.

UK motorways are now much less safe due to the 'smart' campaign, so a panicked driver not paying proper attention is a really high risk. This isn't New Zealand and there are plenty of alternative routes from a to b, so the op needs to use those.

I ended up very afraid of motorway driving after being a passenger in a motorway collision. It wasn't the fault of the person driving me. Prior to that, I'd been fine but the crash left me terrified of both driving and being a passenger on the motorway.

I knew I needed to get passed it though. I enlisted the help of my Dad as he is a HGV driver and wasn't involved in the crash. You could enlist your husband or someone else but whoever it is needs to be patient.

We started with me being a passenger while my Dad drove -quiet times at first, building up to busier times. As you are ok as a passenger, you could skip this.

We then moved on to me driving. We started off going early on Sunday morning when it was quiet. Literally joined on one junction and came off at the next. Then on at one junction, to a service station that was a little further but not quite two junctions. Then two junctions and so on. Once I was ok when it was quiet, we built up to busier times. Remember, you don't have to zoom along at 70mph in the outside lane. Stick left and centre if that's easier (albeit slower!).

It took a while but I am proud to say that 3 years ago, I drove halfway to Cornwall (about 150 miles) on the motorway managed it again the year after and will do the same this year.

I'm now at a stage where I'd rather drive on the motorway than be a passenger as not being in control panics me.

Start very small and build up. Perhaps using a driving instructor may help if you can afford it as they have dual controls which may help you feel more at ease at first.

I "cracked" some of my anxieties by just pushing myself to do it more and more, but I wouldn't risk doing that with something that if it went wrong it would be dangerous...

"Do it more often, and it'll go away."

Or you'll black out and crash and die. One or the other. Exaggerating to make a point, but surely "gold standard treatment" involves a something other than just doing it more. On all those threads about women with anxiety about intimate medical examinations, no one tells them to just keep doing it more and it'll be fine. Because anxiety is a real thing with physical symptoms and just carrying on is often simply not possible.

Some terrible advice on this thread to avoid situations which make anxiety worse, the exact opposite of what you should do. Sounds like you've had loads of panics on the motorway. You've not crashed. It's fine. Do it more often, and it'll go away. This is the gold standard treatment for this.

I don't drive on motorways. Sure it takes longer, but I actively like the slower roads and seeing how the towns all link together rather than being trapped on the concrete hellscape. If you can't fix your phobia, adjust your MO to make it more doable. Work out a route that isn't dual carriageways (there will be one, look a map and find B roads rather than using the apps which will always favour swift routes even avoiding highways) and add a nice overnight stay on the way if needs be. Don't make your life unnecessarily hard or put anyone else's life at risk.

Some people just don’t drive on the motorway.

Yes. I have friend who is generally a good driver but never has and never will drive on motorways. She’s just not comfortable doing it. I don’t blame her really.
I’m too scared to drive at all so you’re doing well!

I had this and used duel carriageways where there are generally lay bys. In the end though I gave up driving as my doctor was unwilling to help. Wish I had known about that drug back then.
I stopped driving as I didn't feel safe, still get the panic rising in busy restaurants and in work meetings.

The dual carriageways that you’re okay on for ten minutes, can you try extending the time every day for a week? Make a point to get from ten minutes to thirty. It might be a slow process but you need to build up the confidence in yourself. Can you take your husband with you to drive to your mums a few times too? He can deal with directions then and you’re not alone. I really will suggest asking a nice driving instructor to help you build up your confidence. Do you know anyone that knows a good one around you? An hour a week will help you feel more confident. I’m sure that if you put your mind to it, no matter how long it takes, you will get there OP. Baby steps for now but you’ll be okay x

And definitely have a couple of motorway lessons, such a good investment in your independence and confidence