Move DS schools to escape a friendship? Or is that controlling of me?

My friends DS was in a similar situation although not as extreme.

She asked that school put them in separate classes (the friend was also distracting him in class) and it allowed him space to make new friends

He’s still friends with the original boy but in a wider group so it’s much healthier

If the catchments are really small then it might be better to move now to make friends in the new area. Do highlight the lies, even if he doesn't seem to notice now it will drip in.

It sounds like an unhealthy friendship but you could have the same issue at a new school. If you really feel in your gut that you need to move him then I would do it.
We had the same issue at high school year 7. An all boys school where two vile boys who were best friends decided to befriend my son. They were like two cats with a mouse toying with him. Fortunately my son is very thick skinned and was not easily upset. It rode out over the whole five years. I still hate those boys years later. They are all adults now and one of them apologised to my son. Kids are awful.

As the new school will be closer anyway you might as well move him. But be prepared, if you don't get to the bottom of why your son respond this way to this kid, you might find the next friendship he forms at the new school will have exactly the same dynamic!

Sometimes making a decision is hardest when there's no right answers. Only you know your son and have insight on this other boy. You do regret what you don't do more though. Look into this other school. Observe the children together. This may be the only time to intervene. Can you stomach 5 years from now knowing you had this chance? If you ask your son he'll say no. If you say this is happening he will be annoyed but if it's a nice school he will thrive.

Also if he has nice parents, the other boy might be going through a bit of a phase that he grows out of. I might have a word with the parents... I'm sure they'd be horrified at some of the things he's coming out with. If my son was behaving like that to his friends, I'd want to know.

If you don't move school have a chat with the teacher / head and ask for them to be in different classes next year.

In your shoes, now that it's allowed I would invite this boy and one other child (maybe the friend in common?) around for a playdate and try covertly to suss out exactly what the dynamic is. Is this boy unusually unpleasant or is he just a bit loud and thoughtless? Does your DS have a victim role and does he just agree with everything this boy does and go along with it, even if unkind. If your DS is shy, he's likely to come across more 'dominant' (for want of a better word) boys at any school so understanding how he interacts with other children and where the problems arise might be useful to help him stand up for himself.

@Notsure6. Definitely move if you can. I wish I’d moved DC because of this kind of issue.

We had (and do still have) similar problems. DC could t seem to break away from one or two particular people in the class and it began to have detrimental effects.

It did settle for a while and then lockdowns happened and school was closed so it did give a break but the whole class seems to be very cliquey and hardly any new friendships seem to develop anymore

Unfortunately the schools near to us were full so moving wasn’t an option. I do wish I’d done it sooner.

That age, move. It's a no brainer. It'll only get worse the older they get. There's no crystal balls but you know this isn't healthy for your son. Trust your instincts and support him any way you can at new school. What are secondary school options too? Make sure they are different. You are the parent, this is literally your job, it's too hard to give choices to your son. If he was a teenager it would be a lot harder and it will be if you don't take this opportunity.

Can you be a bit more specific about what the child does?
"The child lies to DS, says mean stuff when I’m around and probably worse when I’m not, and is VERY competitive. They’re a bad influence on each other and DS imitates his behaviour (even small things like the way he laughs!)."

Does he lie in a bad way? Or does he lie to brag about things which aren't true - Like "My dad is getting a porsche." The sort of lies an insecure child makes up to make themself feel better?

What Mean things does he say? Does it make your son sad? Or is it banter?

What have school said? Is there an issue in class?

Is your son happy?

Does this child perhaps bring out other qualities in your son that he doesn't have? Like giving him confidence....

You need to think really carefully about trying to manage friendships. There are many years ahead and sometimes our kids have friends we wouldn't chose for them, but unless there is definitely something detrimental to our child we have to let them have their own friends.

Just consider this carefully as there might be a child you don't like in the next school too....

If however your child is crying because his friend is mean then of course you need to intervene.

I’m not sure. You might find a similar problem in the new school. Sometimes moving schools works and other times the same problems arise in the new setting.

My son was like this. He is also in year 2 and has only just broken away from a toxic friendship with a very controlling dominant boy that wouldn't let DS have any say in anything.

My advice is keep him at the school and let it play out - he will work it out himself. My DS now has a much nicer friendship with another boy and has so much fun - but he had to get to that realisation for himself, which he did.

Can you not encourage some friendships with other kids through play dates?

I was going to say yabu
But if you’re moving and there’s a closer school there seems no real reason to keep him at his old school

...just don’t tell the other parents where he’s moving to
He’ll have forgotten about this kid in no time

In year 2? Move schools he'll have forgotten this child in a month!