To potentially ruin a lovely life with a 3rd child!!

I would (gently) discount the advice of those who have neither been the child in this scenario, or who only have young children.

Completely discount them. They have no experience.

Listen to those who did it.

OP I really don't think there is a right answer to this. I am one of 3 with similar age gaps (I am the eldest). At the time I was quite unimpressed with my DM having another baby. I stopped at 2, however I have days when I wish I'd gone for it. As an adult I think having a baby in the house was good for me as a teenager. I was an ace babysitter and am now a peadiatrician !!

I would (gently) discount the advice of those who have neither been the child in this scenario, or who only have young children.

As several PPs have said, you can't assume that children will need less of your time, attention and resources as they get older. It is just as likely that the reverse will be true. I found having three young children quite straightforward - it was full-on and I was frequently knackered but they were a single unit, a pack, and it was easy to keep everyone happy.

Now they are older and developing as individuals it is much, much harder to achieve this. Its not that they don't get on - on the whole we are lucky and they have great relationships with each other - but they are all so different and have such different needs. I feel I am spread much more thinly now than I ever was when they were little and I can see how that is only going to increase as they get older.

The notion of 'regretting' having a third is irrelevant and unhelpful. I don't regret any of my children but I am realistic about how much easier life would be with two, and that this realisation doesn't really hit home until they are older, IMO.

It wouldn't be for me in your situation but really only you can decide

I am that youngest one with a big gap and it's been negative for me.

Parents much older, never had shared experiences with my brothers, they left home and I was effectively an older child but I'm not. I have very little relationship with them now. I felt lonely and left out, suspect I irritated them.

I didn't have three because I couldn't afford it. Now I'm deep in university fees I'm so glad - no idea how people afford three if they all want to study!

I want a good few kids because it's unlikely they'll ever have cousins and when I'm old I want them to have each other. For example if I'm sick in my old age for a long time I want my kids to have support looking after me or DH. I also want my grandchildren to have cousins even if one/two of my kids doesn't want kids- that might be overthinking it too! Obviously those aren't the only reasons but the past year of uncertainty has made me feel that having more people who are bonded to you is rarely a bad thing.
It'll probably be harder for you if you have another and there might be bumps in the road for your kids but in all likelihood they will love each other, and you rarely regret the existence of someone you love.

I wish people would stop posting the "you'll never regret another baby" advice. I'm sure OP would not regret the baby itself, but she might well regret the impact it has on her and her family's life.
And as for saying the existing children will love the baby when it arrives - some siblings don't adjust to another child. It's by no means a given.

Pps saying you'll never regret having another child have obviously never read the many posts from people who have. It definitely can change everything and many people DO regret doing it.

" you will never regret another baby"

Stupid comment. Go read some other threads. Plenty of babies are regretted

I was surprised to discover that when my 2 became 12 and older they needed more attention not less.
I was happy to give them the time. They could have 'managed' with less but because of our situation they did not have to.
Do think about them when you think about the third one being 2 and 3.

You will never regret another baby, it will always overall be a positive addition. You have raised two kids who love each other, and that comes more from the environment not the kids themselves, why would it be different with a third? Your younger daughter will love the baby once it’s here and if you can afford it go for it! Yes you will have teens and a little tot at the same time but so what? The baby will have two lovely older sisters to rely on through their life. Do what makes your heart happy.

Only you can say really. Personally I wouldn't want a third with an age gap that size. I'll probably only have a second if that, and preferably a gap of four years or a bit less. I don't think I'd want to stretch baby years out more than that though.

Stop overthinking and realise you have no (or little) control over how your kids will be together and how it will affect them. As long as you are stable and have a happy living home to offer a third, you and OH are both on board go for it.

I'd have another child in a heartbeat. You will never regret another child, but you may well regret not adding to your family. I'm one of four and a mother of four - the fourth child wasn't planned but was very much wanted.

However, your husband's vasectomy reversal may not be successful, I've known a few men who have failed to father any more children after a reversal procedure.

I really wouldn’t have another in your position. Your 11 year old will change so much in the next few years, and your second child won’t be far behind. I think having teens and a toddler would be really hard.
But it’s such a personal decision. I really don’t think any of us can really advise.

Don’t do it. If it is a happy family home now, which it totally sounds like it is; why would you want to ‘change’ it (for better or worse)?

The dynamics of 3 is tricky, particularly with a large age gap. The youngest essentially is an only child, with two quasi parent/siblings. Their relationships are just not the same when the gap is big as they are at totally different life stages all the time, the little one just about makes it into one stage as the older two move out of it.

Just as you and your dh start to get your together life back in 6/7/8 years time say (16 year olds very independent!), you will still be doing primary school runs. You will still have a 'child' in 18 years time, when your oldest will be 28. It is a hell of a long haul, and there is no guarantee that another child will add to the happiness.

Holidays are tricky; what appeals to a 6 year old does not appeal to a 16 year old, so everyone has to make a lot of compromises. All the time.

In my friendship group, all of those with three utterly adore their youngest, but all of us admit that if we had our time again we would have stopped at two; we all feel like we are spread too thin, and for too long.

I think allowing a child to dictate whether you have a baby is ridiculous. If they have voiced this. Listen to them by all means but make sure they knew this is your decision. This is not the same as not having another baby because your current child needs more X.

I have three. There is 4.3 yrs between the first and last. It is great. Feels like a proper family as in a gang. Two would have felt too few. But that is just me and has no bearing on your life.

Op if I were you I would really appreciate what you have and enjoy it.

As they get older they can be even more good fun and you can do more exciting things with them.

I didn’t realise how easy and nice I had it with 2 of the same sex, close in age, who got on well and liked the same things. I thought other people were exaggerating when they said they dreaded the school holidays when I looked forward to them!

Well fast forward to number 3 and I completely see where these people are coming from and by the end of the holidays I’m close to losing the plot...

I’ve got three, I’d recommend sticking with two!

I'm the youngest of 5. My eldest brother is 11 years older than I am. We essentially grew up in different households - by the time I was old enough to interact with him, he had moved out of the house. I also didn't interact much with my brother who's 9 years older for the same reason.

I have three DS (roughly 3.5 yrs between each). The third was an accident. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but some days I wish it could have just been my elder two boys. They were very close, but the arrival of the youngest did affect their relationship. And my middle son developed anxiety - he and the youngest are now extremely close, but for the first few years it was rough going. They have always been 4 school years apart, which is a big difference. At 17 my middle wants to spend all his time with friends, while the 13yo tells me he feels lonely.

Ultimately you have to decide what's best for you and your family. But just keep in mind that your elder daughter won't grow up with the baby, who will be a mere 6 or 7 when she's off to uni.

Good luck with your decision

Grab something that could break, and your not allowed to put it down.
For 24 hours both of you have to hold this item and take it everywhere with you. Even when doing things for your children.
Also set an alarm for 4.30am and 5.30am for tomorrow. Make yourself get out of bed and got downstairs and come back up, with your object in hand.
Then see how you feel.

I had a similar gap with my older siblings. My sister was 9 years older and my brother 7. Growing up, they were more like extra parents than siblings and I felt like I’d missed out on the closeness friends had with their siblings only a couple of years apart. It didn’t stop me having 3 myself, but mine were purposely closer in age.

I have three. I don't recommend it, but I guess I have the opposite problem in that they're all two years apart and it's sucked the life out of me. Bad days are just so, so bad that they don't quite make up for the nice bits. Also depends whether you have family who can help.

@Noideawhatimdoing12 This blog post is a really lovely look at the pros of having babies when you have much older children. The slog of doing baby years again would put me off personally, but I wouldn't hesitate to give my children another sibling.

catholicallyear.com/blog/the-beauty-of-w-i-d-e-family/

I wouldn't have 3. My 2 are now teenager and pre teen age. Six more years and they will driving, probably at Uni and DH and I will be late 40's. We plan to go travelling and be financially secure. I like it that DC are of a similar age and are great fun to be around.