To potentially ruin a lovely life with a 3rd child!!

My DC3 is nearly 2, with similar age gaps. A lot of the issues people have about planning days out for big age gaps etc, are less relevant once the age gaps are this big. The older children take themselves to school, so I'm not dragging a little one on the school run. We do still do days out as a family, but DC1 is starting to spend more time going off with his friends and I can see this time coming for DC2.

Obviously covid has changed things a bit, but I've really enjoyed 3rd time round. With DC1 I had no idea what to do with a baby, with DC2 it was always busy with a toddler and a baby, with DC3 I just enjoy the time we spend together. A velcro baby who just wants cuddles is a bonus when your older children have got to the stage where nothing would be more embarrassing than a public hug.

I've got 3 boys, the oldest is 71/2, middle-5 and baby 7 months. I thought my 5 year old would really struggle as hes quite sensitive/demanding but hes been amazing, they both have. They absolutely adore him. Obviously we're only 7 months in but so far it's working out better than I could of imagined.

My youngest is 8 and we are loving doing stuff with them now they are older. Baby would spoil all that in our situation.

My DS was 9 when baby was born and DPs son was 6, a little younger than yours but still quite a large age gap!
Baby is 8 months old now and they absolutely adore him- he's probably the only person who can snap my 10 year old out of a bad mood!

Sometimes I think 'what on earth have I done' and miss the freedom I had with having an older child/ren but I honestly wouldn't change anything.

This may all change when he is a toddler though 😂

I’ve got 4 ,3 under 3 ,then a 10 year gap.
It was much harder going from 1 to 2 .
Going from 2 to 3 ,and 3 to 4 ,was fine ,
The hard part was definitely 1 to 2

Have to say early teens are much needier than late primary kids so don’t assume the older ones will be at an easier stage when you would also have a toddler to cope with.

This, this, this

It's tough because at those ages, with a baby, you will be on call 24/7 and it's absolutely exhausting. You come down from finally getting the baby to sleep and your teen now needs to talk to you and then the next one appears. If you can manage that, maybe go for it

Absolutely hilarious 👏👏

Have to say early teens are much needier than late primary kids so don’t assume the older ones will be at an easier stage when you would also have a toddler to cope with.

Ah, well on the back of your last post OP, it's probably unlikely to happen anyway so maybe get used to being a family of four - which is great!

Do you want another baby? That's what should be your focus

Really disagree with that. Your existing children should be your focus.

I had an 8 year gap between my 2 boys. When they were younger it was hard work driving around to both lots of activities and occupying the other who was waiting. As they got older it was much easier. Now they are adults and get on do well together. They go to the cinema together once a week and eat out or go to pub pre Covid. They both have their own set of Friends who they go out with independently but they are often in one bedroom watching a movie together. My eldest son is in process of buying his own house but I bet you get son will be over there a lot. It gives me great comfort that when I die they will have each other. Like you my sisters are my best friend's and I would hate to leave them complete alone.

You are in the same boat my parents were in. They went for it.

I remember my mum being pregnant, the day my DS was born, so much of her childhood. We are now in our 30's and 40's and are very close. When we were considering #3 my DP told us what a joy it was. I can confirm that but I had my kids all close together, so the age gap wasn't a thing.

It might be harder than you think to reverse the vasectomy though. I would talk to your doctor about that.

Personally I think the gap is too big and having experienced exactly this the third child was the odd one out - but you do what you think is right

Do you want another baby? That's what should be your focus. My older two were 5 and 4 when DD3 was born. It was an easy decision as I didn't feel done and the world didn't seem right until DD3 was born.

If you feel done and happy with two then that's fab. It'll be much easier with middle one being 8!

If you feel you need to have another baby then go forward it. 3 is not easy as you need a bigger car etc, but I had 3 with two at home and in child car seats at the time.

None of that mattered as i was driven and couldn't stop until DD3 arrived . She was the best decision I ever made, as all of us love her.

My two were 6 and 9 when we had a third. Wouldn’t change a thing. Middle and youngest get on better than oldest and middle so a bigger gap seems to irrelevant to me.
Makes holidays more difficult though.

We had our 3rd when our older two were 9 and 10. School holidays are difficult trying to entertain everybody. Hotel rooms you generally need 2 once the baby is too old for a cot, you need a bigger car... but I wouldn’t change it for the world ❤️

I'm reminded of something I was told by a friend who had an unplanned third child when her elder two were 11 and 9: "The worst stage was when I had a toddler and a teenager at the same time". Could you cope with that, OP?

I'd say don't do it. It's very chancy for the future with regards to you and your 'personal space's as you'd be going back to not being able to do much for yourself. The siblings may or may not be affected positively or negatively. Who knows?
Your relationship with your husband too. It could go in many directions, but the thing that would put me off is the very fact that bringing up a baby human is very hard. Taking on responsibility for a whole other person and all that draws to you.
Ha ha, I'm a mother of two (single) and feel like I've had more than enough of the shackles of parenthood.
It's a biological urge, sure, I gave in to that with my second son. Almost five year age gap. It's not his fault, but I would certainly thrive more as a person in my own right if I had just one. The extra responsibility means you come second in your own life for longer. Sure, you might get the lovely bonding hormones until they are around 2-3, but that wears off.
Sorry, I know this was about going from 2 to 3, not 1 to 2 children.
I dunno, maybe some women still manage to feel they have a life despite having dependent children. Personally, I didn't have the money to do that.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

The world is already overpopulated. Life this last year with covid has been extremely hard and climate change will make things far far worse.

I wish people would factor in this to their decisions.

You seem to be doing it because having children gives you purpose. What happens when that child grows up?

Plus the vasectomy.

I know I'm being blunt here.

I also don't think it's fair on your existing kids.

I wouldn’t with those ages. They will have nothing in common, they will be restricted as toddlers and young children will have very different activities than them. They will have less peace as they hit exam years. Less parental time, money etc.

If two doesn’t feel enough, why would three be the magic number is what I’d ask myself. Would it go to four or more.

I am 45 if that makes any difference.

It could make life more wonderful or equally more difficult

@Noideawhatimdoing12

I have 3 but with a much bigger age gap between DC2 and DC3. I would say that DC3 has made things both more difficult and more wonderful at the same time!

I have three, DS1 is 18 DS2 is 15 and DD1 is 12. I am an only child and so is my husband. Go for it, yes it is hard work, yes it changes things but I woulddnt change it for the world. Middle child syndrome is def a thing but really they get the best deal a close relationshiip with the older and younger one.