To potentially ruin a lovely life with a 3rd child!!

My brothers are 9 and 7 years older than me. I definitely felt like an only child growing up. By the time I was 10 they had both left home and I have only vague memories of the years before that when they were at home.

I think 4 would be a good proposition, or a puppy.

Imagine in 20 years do you have 2 or 3 of your kids coming round for dinner...

I'd get a puppy instead

Can you afford to have another child?

If you’ve already thought this through yourself then everyone else’s opinions will only confuse you more. No one can tell you what to do as every family is unique and will deal with a new baby ( or lack of one) in their own way. Whatever you do choose to do will be the right decision for you and your family and this can’t be made by others who aren’t living your life. Good Luck!

I did that. Dd1 was 12 and Dd2 was 10.
If I am absolutely honest;
If I had any idea how hard it would be to deal with teens and a toddler I'd have thought more.
Dd2 loved her but struggled with being misplaced by her arrival.
And here we are, 2 oldest are well in their 20s and youngest is 13 so still stuck with school hols etc.
Looking at it another way, she is the adored pet of the family.

I also think you could have a think about 4. 3 is a complicated dynamic but if you love being a mother and having a big family go for it. Somehow two and two makes more sense than the almost only child stuck at the end..

I had the same internal struggle when deciding whether to go for number 3, but I can honestly say that going for it and adding DD2 to my other two was the best thing ever. I cannot imagine our lives without our extra blessing. She is a teen now and has enriched all our lives unimaginably.

I have 3, an 18 year old, a 10 year old and a 10 month old. People think I'm crazy for the age gaps but it's just the way my life has worked out. In a way it's been easier because everytime a new baby came along, the older child/ren were pretty self sufficient and could understand that the new one would need a lot of attention.
Its ultimately yours and DH decision at the end of the day, as long as you keep the older 2 involved these things usually work themselves out.

Having had 3 teenagers I would say they need you there/available more than lots of people think. Yes, they are more independent but being able to chat when they bring something up is important. Its harder if you're off at school runs, swimming lessons, playmate with a 3rd. We know lots with mental health issues, anorexia, drugs etc etc. Also know of 2 families with special needs 3rd time and the number of meetings etc on top of meeting additional needs can be very draining. Do you have plenty of support if you needed it, if problems arise?

@Noideawhatimdoing12 are you me?!

I had to check to make sure this wasn’t a thread I’d posted!

Having the same debate atm and it’s so hard. On one hand, better the devil you know ... then I realise I wish I had another sibling so maybe we should! Argh!!!

Going back to paying for toddler stage childcare though

We had an unplanned third child. There is a ten year age gap between the eldest and youngest. It’s the best thing that ever happened to us. She’s brought immense joy to us, although not always ideal when choosing a family film but that’s a first world problem. I always believe you regret the things you don’t do, rather than the things you do. Having said this, we’re lucky she was an easy baby who slotted in nicely! We can’t imagine life without her... x

I have 3. Eldest two were 8 and almost 6 when he arrived. It’s is honestly the best decision we ever made. They have always got on and they loved him straight away. They are now 24,21 and 15 and are still great together.

I remember feeling the same as you but my Aunt gave me the best piece of advice which was “you will never regret having another child but you could/will regret NOT having another “.

Our eldest ds was 15 and our second son was 5 when our dd came along and it was lovely, we thought youngest would struggle but he loved her from the minute she arrived. And I was 10 years older than you op so no option to round up to 4! My advice is go for it and enjoy the chaos 😀

I don’t understand previous posts claiming having another is ‘selfish’ ?? Once the 3rd comes they will fit in just as easy as the second! I’m currently going from 4 to 5 and can’t wait the house is full of life and love and they always have someone to play with! Oldest 11 Youngest 3 and TTC now. Go for it OP xx

I have 3 and I love it, I didn’t have as big a gap but I had a bigger gap between 2 and 3 than 1 and 2 and was able to really relish his babyhood in a way I couldn’t as well when I had a baby and a toddler. It’s like having you first baby time wise if you have a bigger gap but without all the first time fears. I vote go for it

@CutieBear That's interesting hearing it from the older child perspective and definitely something to be mindful of as all the children get older. Sorry it was such a bad experience for you

given your particular circumstances with the vasectomy you really really need to find out if it is possible to reverse it, and it be successful. Otherwise you could set your heart on something which is physically impossible

I have 13, 11 and 1 yo.
We had all the worries you had and honestly it's the best decision we ever made.

Our third is a joy and the older two dote on her.

I was worried that we were going back to chaos after life had settled and was easy. But actually I think it was a bit too easy and DH and I have missed the (slight) busy/crazy chaos of having a toddler.

My older boys have never resented or complained about our daughter but I guess that really depends on the individual children.

@Ginblooded @LittleNightin come back when your older DC are teens and your youngest is in nursery/reception. I’m the eldest of 3 with a large age gap between myself and youngest. I felt abandoned and suffered with severe depression because I didn’t feel I could bother my parents with my (very serious) problems as they were busy with the youngest. I had to pretend I was ok. Also, everything revolved around activities for the youngest.

Agree with so many others. I have 3, and the older 2 (boys) function as a pair and don't really get on with DD, the youngest. And DD takes far more of my attention as she has ASD and other difficulties. It means that we rarely had family outings that all enjoyed, and more significantly the boys had to fend for themselves a bit in those difficult teenage years. I love DD to bits, she is brilliant and talented but also incredibly hard work emotionally and time wise. I had to give up work to be around for her, which stopped most trips/holidays as finances no longer allowed these. It also meant that often we ended up split as a family, with me doing something with DD while DH did something with DSs, so even in the same place weren't always together. There is no denying that everything has been far, far more difficult with 3, and we haven't been able to do things that DCs friends all do. We have never had a family holiday abroad, for instance, and as eldest DC is at university now, it will never happen. So the kids have all missed out on things their friends consider 'normal'. It sounds like finances might not be an issue for you, but everything is more expensive with 3, and if a third has difficulties that mean one of you has to cut down or stop work, can you still cope with this?

I would not have a 3rd child when you already have a child of 8 and 11.
Your now 33 and your husband is 40. The 11 year old and 8 year old will need support in different ways as they grow up. They need your time when it comes to making subject, college choices and be brought to college open days. College is not cheap either. At the moment you can do things as a family and go to better holiday places because your children are that bit older.

You need to consider that within the next 15 years your kids will be finished or almost finished in college. Your husband will be around 55/56 and you will 48/49. So you and him then have more time and money and this gives more options. You could both decide to stay in full time work until X age and then go PT or perhaps you could retire earlier that the old age state pension
allows. A 3rd child now would not give you these options down the line.

Good luck op. My colleague has 3 a constant juggle she says. Guess it depends on age gaps. I have 2 its plenty lol. But maybe bit easier if 1 or 2 are at school

My 3rd was a happy accident-once adjusted to the idea & brought love and laughter to her older siblings. They’re a totally different kettle of fish to the first two and will be totally spoilt.