To potentially ruin a lovely life with a 3rd child!!

I have three btw, it is lovely and busy but the third child was the hardest by miles! A terrible sleeper and a tricky toddler. He’s lovely now though.

I am one of 3 myself - 2 brothers - and I would agree that sometimes it feels as though someone is always the odd one out.
I had 4 to get round that but that’s not for everyone

It’s a tricky decision OP, with pros and cons as you already know. But I really don’t think one of the pros should be to make your DD2 confident and capable! Sorry but I think that is unlikely to be the outcome.

It depends doesn’t it? I love the baby and toddler stage and I’d do it again if I don’t have to be pregnant and give birth. I’ve been happy to give up work and do baby groups again. It’s been far lovelier this time as I just don’t have the stress of being a new mum or having a baby and toddler and being frazzled. It’s like all the benefits of being a new mum without the downsides of panic and worry all of the time.
I love the chaos.

However as another poster has said, if you enjoy your life as it is with more freedoms and such then it could be a big shock.

In your situation I wouldn't, no. Purely because of your 8yo. I would feel that I was sacrificing one child's happiness to have what I wanted. Not that I'm saying that's what I think you would be doing if you had another, just how I would feel in that situation. You know your DD, is she extremely opposed to having a baby sibling or just not keen?

I think you can think about the effect on your other children but I don't think they get to have a say in it. They will adapt. I'm not sure your 8 year old will have any typical middle child problems as the gap would be so big, she would be more equal with the older one in comparison to the young one (say like having twins then a younger child). I wouldn't personally want to go back to the beginning with sleepless nights and working around nap times etc with a teenager and another child, I think I'd find the lack of freedom frustrating. But other people have had a third and loved it.

I've got three and honestly it is tough! There always seems to be an odd one out, although mine are closer in age than yours would be (9,7 &3). Sometimes I just want to have a chat or play a game with the older two and the youngest is having a tantrum or just being difficult.

Bedtimes are more complicated as the youngest doesn't understand why they have different times. Holidays are more awkward to book. Days out are harder to accommodate everybody's wants.

I know I'm being negative, I wouldn't change our family for the world but I really didn't appreciate how big the jump from two to three was.

It's probably not what you want to hear but I'd urge caution.

My third is 8 months old now and I have two older children about the same age as yours. My new baby is with my new partner.

Honestly, it's been a hell of a step back. Obviously I knew what I was getting myself into but I wish I'd said no and stuck to my two.

The independence I've lost is huge and despite all the promises of help and support I had none of it has materialised. I'm breastfeeding so all the nights are left to me. He's the neediest of all three children & I'm genuinely looking forward to going back to work.

I'd say think about your life now & what you can do/enjoy freely because your children are older. Are you happy to lose that for the next 5-10 years to have another baby?

Good luck with whatever you choose x

Hi OP

Less of an age gap but my DDs were 8 and 6 when DD3 was born. I was a little worried about DD2’s reaction but they both absolutely loved having DD3 and have always been great with her.

We also now have DD4 - 5 years younger than DD3 so quite a spread of ages!

It’s very busy and loud but most of the time they have a fantastic relationship despite being very different characters.

DD4 is pushing for another baby but I am definitely done!

I have three. My oldest was 10 and middle 7 when dc3 was born. All are boys.
My middle has always been the hardest work. He is amazing but he struggles with life a lot. Anxious a lot. Honestly having dc3 has helped him immensely. They are so close. They sleep together every night, they are 10 and 3 now. The oldest is 13 now and my youngest sees him as a third parent.

Honestly it does change things but it’s been wonderful.
We make a fuss of dc2 with a “middle child day” once a year where he gets to choose food and activities for the day to acknowledge the loss of his baby of the family status.

I dont have 3, but it sounds like you would be bringing a baby into a lovely happy 'normal ', whatever that is, family, which is all any of us really want.