To potentially ruin a lovely life with a 3rd child!!

I love being a mother and I never liked going to work or ever found 'my thing' so I wouldn't miss my independence in that way. It forced me to be more sociable and I'm happier for it.

This stood out to me OP and I am not sure it is a good reason to have another child. You cannot have this as "your thing" because they are independent people in their own right. Dont have a baby to be a band aid because something is missing. How about working with children - something that can give you joy and a career

Plus I have an 12 and 8 year old - the 12 year old is at High School and she needs me actually far more than she has since she was little. It is a difficult age to navigate.

Your 8 Year old DD is already I think showing signs that a baby isnt right for her either - and I think you know that. She needs help getting more confident.

Your children still need you OP and I think you need to find something for yourself

Another thing my SIL and BIL realised, they would end up with a young teen and a toddler at the same time. Both demanding but incredibly different ages, and they decided to prioritise the children they already had who would be be needing them during that time.

You sound lovely but there's no doubt your 8 year old will have some issues with this.
She's already sensitive & you're going to be busy with a new baby, you realistically won't have the time for her like you do now.
Also it will be impossible to enjoy the lovely things that your girls are ready for now.
There's a lot to be said for just enjoying what you have.

In your position I would have 2 more. That's what I did anyway! I have 2 who are now 19 and 17, a big gap and then 2 who are now 6 and 8. It's been wonderful and they are all very happy children. Wouldn't have changed a thing.

I'm not the person to ask because I'm in the middle of a huge row between myself, my brother and my sister. I'm the youngest of three with a fair gap (not quite as big as yours), I had a completely different childhood from them, I was always trying ineffectively to be the peacemaker at the time and now I'm being accused of all sorts. Right now I'm extremely glad that I have an only child myself.

But I know lots of people are happy to have 3. Just - what else would you do? If you don't have a third, what new thing could life bring to you, what goal could you set instead? I'd say go forward rather than back. If you want to nurture a child, something like being an Independent Visitor to a looked-after child might satisfy that urge. Or do something that has nothing to do with childrearing.

I have three but the eldest was 4 when the youngest was born so they are all pretty close in age.

Three was my dream and I absolutely love it. My third baby has been a dream and I consider myself very very lucky.

However, if I was in your shoes there is no way in hell I would have a third child. My second was still in nappies and a pram and all that when the third was born, we were right in the thick of the baby/toddler/small child madness and an extra baby honestly made no real difference to the chaos. We also had ALL the baby stuff and were totally used to the sleepless nights etc.

It would be a real step back for you I think, and in your shoes I don't think I could go back to the baby years again.

Funnily enough my SIL and BIL have had your exact dilemma - currently have a ten year old and 8 year old and were debating another baby when we had our third. They pretty quickly decided that they would stick with two after seeing and remembering what a newborn involves. And, as I say, she is an easy baby.

I guess what summed it up for me when we decided to stop was - do my kids need another sibling more or my time, energy, attention, money for nice holidays and uni, me healthy etc. It was just so crashingly obvious that they needed me and all the things I could offer more of without a baby/another child in the mix way more than they needed another sibling that they might not even get on with.

I'm like u - I overthink EVERYTHING. Its exhausting.

What if you left it to fate? Stop contraception and see where you go?

I would rather poke my own eyes out with hot pokers than give backwards, I have 2 small children and cant wait for a bit more freedom. But that's me.

and also I get missing the baby stage and when they physically need you. Yours have outgrown that stage so if you enjoyed it then its inevitable that you would want to do it again

Our children were all very close in age. What we learned from the jump from 2 to 3, was, that a parent can embrace / hold two children on one lap at the same time; and with a bit of practice, hold 2 conversations at once.

Not 3.

Your older children have very different interests and activities and needs from a newborn, or a toddler, or a 5 yr old.

My kids are the same age, we aren't going for the 3rd. My children would lose more than they would gain; less time with us, less financial support overall, a step back trying to accommodate a family with such different age gaps. As they already have a sibling, I really don't believe the additional sibling will outweigh what they will lose. So as much as I think it might be nice, I won't do it to my children.

Plus, I am absolutely terrified of having a child with additional needs that would require more care, that would be even harder for my children and me, whilst I'm too only 33 it feels like such a throw of the dice.

I was in a similar situation to you. I found the decision whether or not to have a third the hardest decision I've ever made. I would swing from being terrified that it may have actually worked gutted when my period came.

I think because two is seen as the norm, any after that is a bigger decision and if you already have a nice balance to your life, there's a chance it could either make things even better or a lot worse. That and I was terrified of it being twins!

I would have two more (close together) or no more. Probably no more as every baby is a roll of a dice. A disabled child would completely change all of your lives. If you were on bed rest in your pregnancy or felt very ill with sickness it would be dreadful. What if something happens to you in childbirth etc.

Also... I’m a middle and if I’m honest it was miserable. Not the baby, not the PFB. It was always play with one and leave one out, play with the other and leave the other out. Much younger sister was very resented by my older sister when she got to teenage and wanted mum and mum was always busy with little kid stuff and as a result my older sister started a lifetime pattern of feeling quite hostile to youngest. Mum reacted by coddling the poor youngest which made her a bit of a brat for many years as well.

I’d say no, don’t upset the Apple cart.
A friend had a third, but said it changed everything.
Her older two were not happy in practice, in theory they liked the idea.
Two settled kids, count your blessings and stick to those🙂

DD is nearly 2 now and just none of the dire circumstances predicted have come to pass. We haven't had to compromise on family holidays, days out, time spent with the older two. A lot of this is down to the pandemic though -- DH and I have had much more flexible schedules, we've had a lot of external family support, and I suppose it can be said that we're a pretty quiet bunch in general so maybe our expectations are lower. We also make very good salaries so money was a concern but not a panic when we found out I was pregnant.

We have a small (ish) house so the most difficult part was making space for the baby, which involved some rearranging of bedrooms, and will likely involve a more major home renovation later to add a master suite where currently we have a playroom, losing that nice second playroom space. And the car is starting to feel a bit too small now, as DS1 gets older -- when we went on our holiday over the summer we rented something much larger, and it's clear we may have to upgrade in that area too.

Emotionally, my middle DS needed some extra support in the beginning but now no one makes the baby laugh the way he does, something he does every chance he can get. My older DS was besotted the moment she was born. My older two are very close but they don't exclude her when it's possible to include her, and they both have places that they can retreat to when the chaos is too much.

I love the baby & toddler stage, so the sleepless nights and food-flinging and nappies and all haven't felt like a step back. If I wasn't over 40 I'd do it again (though I suspect DH would disagree!)

My third is by far the hardest work, physically and emotionally.

Your eldest is just at the stage of starting secondary school. It will be very difficult for you to support them in their interests and activities with a baby in tow. Eg bike rides, sports etc

When you are out of the baby stage that child will be a teenager and you will have less opportunity to be together.

You have to recognise that if you have a baby then the older children miss out on your time

Oh I wish I hadn’t read all the comments here!
I’m pregnant with number 3, and my 2 girls will be 9 and nearly 7 by the time he is born. They are so close, my life with them is so easy, I am wondering wtf I have done.
I’ve always wanted 3, it just took a while to happen and now I’m hoping it wasn’t a huge mistake

There's 6 years between my middle and my youngest and three years between my eldest and middle. The youngest is now six and they all adore each other. They row but they are so close for the most part.

I wouldn't. The thought of going back to nappies, teething and all that baby paraphernalia now that my DC are teens brings me out in a cold sweat. But obviously you feel differently!

I did consider a third when the DC were much younger. I didn't partly because I knew that a 3rd child would change the quality of life for the my DC. Less money to go round for education, holidays etc. It sounds cold and it is, but I'm glad I didn't have a third. I can do things now for my DC such as buy DD her first car that I just couldn't if I had a 3rd Dc to do it all for as well.

Have 4 😄

I think it's fine as older kids don't need as much care/help. Ur girls I'm sure wld love a baby brother or sister. Go for it if it's what h really want.

Although I've got a 17 month old and god it's tough. My other is just turned 4 and I often think oh I can't wait until youngest is closer to 3. Even this time next yr I'm hoping she's not as mental and a bit more settled down. I do feel quite restricted about doing stuff and she's a right handful.

Perhaps also consider how you would feel about if a third child had special needs and how this would change the family dynamic. Writing this as someone whose only parents had this scenario when they had a third child, who we all love to pieces, but has no doubt come with challenges

I would urge caution as well. You still have "children" but very soon you will have teens. Their relationship with a bbaby or toddler may well change. Do you really want sleepless nights just at the point when your older children are awake longer in the evening? Do you want a toddler whilst older dcs are studying for exams? And DC 3 will essentially end up an only child before the age of 10 and you will have a child to look after just as you get your freedom back.

Don't do it. You have a great set up now. A new baby will mean compromise for everyone. Back to baby friendly activities, rather than more grown up things that you can do together. Be grateful for what you have, it sounds like a good dynamic.