To potentially ruin a lovely life with a 3rd child!!

@Noideawhatimdoing12 I know this is a super old thread but I’ve read through & would love an update on how things are going for you now? Also a very indecisive one here🙋‍♀️

Oh gosh! I could have posted this! We have an 11 and 8 year old. And we debate over a third regularly. I’m 30 and DH is 40. Following for advice….

Congrats! I wanted to come on here and add (as there are a lot of doom and gloom comments, although you did ask people’s opinions).

I honestly believe a LOT of how much siblings get on is to do with how their parented. I see many parents not fairly parenting ie. they favour one child, or treat the unfairly and this is a major cause of siblings not getting a long. Or jealously. Etc. Read up on some decent parenting books. Listen and be fair and I think it doesn’t matter on age gaps.

I’m the youngest of 3 (by 8 & 5 years). I found it fine and I’ve always been quite grown up for my age. I have two kids 3 & 6 and have constantly wondered about a 3rd for the last 18m…my husband is also one of three.

Good luck!

Your older DD is going to be a teenager and in my experience this will change the dynamic. Mine are 12, 10, 8 and 3 and while the older ones just LOVED the baby stage (don't we all) there is a lot more juggling now and that's just practical things. Having a teenager and a baby will be tricky. But having a bigger family is noisy, busy and great fun. I would stick at 2 though in your position.

Congratulations!! Lovely update. We're still thinking, no idea how we'll decide!

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERY

I'm a child that would be in a similar situation as your third. I was an only child in a family.

The others were close in age and therefore close.

I wasn't!

If you have another, then have two. So they have a close sibling.

There are too many children in this world already. I’d be grateful for what I already have.

@Noideawhatimdoing12 reading with interest and wondering if you made a decision?

There is a big gap between my eldest two and my last. It worked OK when they were all young but now my older two are adults I feel that I am still trapped whereas I could be doing more with life now. However I did end up a single parent when youngest was two so that colours my view.

Personally I would advise 'no' but only you and your family can decide what will work for you all.

I am the oldest child of 3 girls with exactly the age gap you describe. I definitely felt like a third parent, but I loved that & we are still very close! I think my middle sister struggled a bit but we had each other & Dad spent time with both of us when Mum was with baby. By the time baby was older, we were old enough to understand that every baby comes with their own love & she took nothing away from our parents love for us. You’re so young, you’ll maybe only be 43 when your youngest is an adult, then what? Your older children will be able to go off & do their thing, knowing you don’t have an empty nest. My parents were older so a 4th wasn’t an option but if they’d been younger I think they would have had another so my youngest had a sibling close in age. They were financially more comfortable by the time my youngest sister was the only child at home so she benefitted from that. I think if you asked her she would say she had the best of both worlds, older siblings & being an only child. It kept my parents young at heart which was good for the oldest two of us. None of us would change it. Personally I think you can adapt your life to second guess what your daughters can cope with but the reality is it is a decision for you & your husband to make & chances are your daughters will be absolutely fine. If you don’t have another baby, there could be anything happen in life that could affect one or both of your children & there’s no way to predict. I think you’ll always think ‘what if’ if you do. Now I’m a Mum I genuinely believe you know if you have another baby in you or not so go with your heart, it’s not often wrong IME.

Don’t have a third with such a large age gap. The two orders will resent the youngest forever and a day. Count your present blessings.

I went past someone in the corridor at work yesterday saying passionately 'they told me number 3 just fits right in and they don't, they so don't, it's the worst decision we ever made'...

i have 3 ,i really wanted 3 but i had my last 2 close together due to my age & it was really difficult & my older child i feel got lost in the chaos of the other 2& i don't regret my last child he is a complete joy but i wouldn't of had 3 if my time was again.

I am a middle child and it made me very independent. Oldest was always the first child and special. Youngest was always the last child and precious and the only boy. I was the middle child who was left to get on with it. But I did like having a big sister and little brother and still do and I am 70 now.

I have a19DD, 17DS and a 11DS so similar age gap. It's not easy but you've already managed 2 and I think that's a harder jump. No 3 just fits right in and the older two were very good when DS was tiny. I felt like someone was missing from our family. Never regretted it for a minute. Good luck whatever you decide OP :)

I hear you as I went through this , wanted a 3rd for years (have boy and girl now) and dh didnt. Almost had a 3rd when my 2 were 16 and 13, then decided not to. So glad i didnt as now , in my mid 40's i have older teens and am loving the freedom and bits of time I am getting to msyelf , discovering more things I like. A friend did have a 3rd with your age gaps but was exhausted and it even split her marriage up, not saying that will happen but think carefully as its a huge step back to the start , sleepness nights, a small person needing you 24 7.
If you both want one its easier I guess, as my dh didnt,

Or you could but yourself a nice new car?